Seeing Jesus

Can you imagine anything more splendid than seeing Jesus? Can you imagine staring into the manger of Bethlehem? Can you imagine peeking into the empty tomb? Can you imagine staring into the clouds at the resurrected and ascending Jesus? Can you imagine? What would it be like to see Jesus?

In the Spring of 2006, Newill and Colleen Cerak of Gaylord, Michigan received the phone call that every parent dreads: Their 18 year old daughter Whitney had been killed in an automobile accident. The Cerak's grieved, and received comfort and peace from the truths of God's Word and grace: Whitney was with Jesus in heaven. But nothing could have prepared them, then, for the phone call they received some 5 weeks later. It was believed that there had been a mistaken identity at the accident site and that Whitney was not dead, but alive. Can you imagine? What would it be like to see your daughter after believing her dead? Colleen Cerak couldn't believe her eyes. After the making the excruciating 3 hour drive to the care facility where Whitney was recuperating, Colleen Cerak walked into her daughter's room to see her daughter face to face. "It was the most beautiful moment of my life." Perhaps in that moment Colleen could see Jesus.

I wonder if that is what Simeon experienced when seeing the infant Jesus? In Luke chapter 2 we read of Mary and Joseph taking their infant son Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem to consecrate him to the Lord. This took place 40 days after Jesus' birth, according to the Laws of Moses. Simeon had lived his entire life waiting on the Lord -- waiting to see the consolation of Israel; waiting to see the promised Messiah. What would that be like to wait all of your life for something; to have nothing else on your heart or mind; can you imagine.

Psalm 130 says, "My soul waits on the Lord. More than watchman wait for the morning; more than watchman wait for the morning. My soul waits on the Lord."

Then, in one miraculous, beautiful moment Mary and Joseph enter the temple with their infant son and the Holy Spirit reveals to Simeon, "This is Jesus." What must Simeon felt in that moment? What must have been on his mind and heart? Do you suppose that in that moment nothing else mattered? Do you think in the purity of that moment Simeon no longer cared about the political and economic climate of Jerusalem; no longer cared about beggars and scoundrels; no longer cared about anything or anyone.

Simeon broke into sponateous song, "Lord, now let your servant depart in peace for my eyes have seen your salvattion which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel." Simeon's life was complete. There was nothing else really to experience. With prophet Isaiah Simeon could say, "My soul delights greatly in the Lord...and He has adorned me in robes of righteousness and crowned my head with jewels."

From time to time our hearts can be broken. We can be disappointed by ummet expectations. People, who are people, are prone to fail us, just as we sometimes fail others. We can become overwhelmed with politics and the economy, our children's school, and even our church from time to time. When we look to long and hard at our disappointments we can become consumed.

It is good to have a different point of view. It can be good to see something new. When Colleen Cerak saw her daughter come back to life I imagine that there was nothing else on her heart or mind, and the same thing when Simeon saw the infant Jesus. When you see Jesus nothing else really matters.

Let's climb Mt. Zion together. Take a peek in the manger. Look up at the cross. Gaze into the empty tomb. Stare into the clouds and see the resurrected and ascended Jesus. How does everything in your life take on a gracious place in view of Jesus? Can you see yourself a little more at peace? A little less anxious? A little more forgiven -- and forgiving? Rope up with Jesus. Let Jesus take the lead for a while. Allow Jesus to carry the load. You are doing great. You really are. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes your hurts are great. Sometimes we can worry and be overwhelmed for those we love. Take a breath. Quiet your heart. Look at Jesus again.

I love you very much. There is no one I would rather climb with than you. I am praying for you today. I am praying you see Jesus today.

Jeff on the mountains.

The Legend of the Starfish

Dedicated to Sally, a friend I met for the first time just last week. She was kind -- not even knowing me -- and it made a difference.

Perhaps you have heard The Legend of the Starfish before. It is always worth hearing again.

According to the Legend, a man walked along the seashore. With each step he encountered starfish stranded on the beach by the outgoing tide. The starfish were dying in the sun.

The man bent down, picked up a starfish, and returned it to the surf and to life. Then he did the same with another starfish, and then another, and another and another. The man was determined.

Another beach comber came his way and was perplexed by what the man casting the starfish was doing. "Sir," he inquired. "What are you doing?"

The man casting the starfish explained the plight of these stranded creatures. He went on to explain that he would walk the length of the beach and cast his little friends to a fresh start in life.

"But sir," the newfound companion objected again. "This beach is miles long and there are countless starfish stranded here. It will hardly make a difference at all!"

With that the man casting starfish bent down, picked up a starfish, and threw it into the surf. "It made a differenc to that one," he said.

The world can be a cynicle and sarcastic place. People can object to even the kindest of gestures and attempts of another person. We can conclude that our modest and feable attempts at kindness do not make a difference.

Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Don't second guess the actions that are cast from your heart of love. And don't let the cynical and sarcastic steal your joy, either. Smile. Love. And keep making a difference.

• Give an extra tip to the waitress you have learned is a single mother of two.
• Walk up to children at church before and after the servcie and ask about their school, or their sports, or the things they enjoy. You don't have to know them to be kind.
• Always take extra money with you when you go shoppoing and always put it in the Salvation Army bucket -- it does make a difference!
• Seek out the food shelters and shelters for the homeless and hungry of your community and donate regularly. Whenever you buy groceries for yourself make it a practice of getting exra for the needy.
• Remember when gas was over $3 a gallon? Now it is almost half that. The next time you fill up at the gas station, consider a portion or all of your savings to be given to someone else in need.
• Resist and reject every temptation of "being negative" that surfaces in your heart. Being critical is NOT the same as critical thinking.
• Adopt a family -- a newly married couple; a young family with a new baby; an elderly couple you know. How can you be a blessing today? Stop by to visit. Keep them in your prayers. Inquire of them -- and listen!
• Say something kind -- always! Get up in the morning with something kind to say about others. Not mere flattery or something superficial. But genuinely kind things to say.
• Show interest in people. Don't be easily bothered by others. Don't allow impatience and disappointment to steal your joy. People are people. You, on the other hand, climb mountains. You blaze the trail. You are strong. You bear the weaknesses of the weak and you make a differnce. cf. Galatians 6:1-2

You make a huge difference! You make a difference in my life. I appreciate you spending this time with me here today...this coffee in hand....your model....your example....your roping up with me. You make my load lighter. You make my trail easier. You make the summit seem a little closer.

God bless you richly. You make a difference to me. I love you very much.

Jeff on the mountains.

Safe and Secure

You know me to be a moutain man even if I live at sea level. Mountains, for me, are metaphors of the new and never been done before. Every trail above sea leavel offers new views and challenges even if you have hiked it before. As Bear Grylls, of "Man Vs. Wild" fame, said of climbing Everest at age 23, "I did not conquer Everest; Rather, Everest allowed me to crawl up one side and stay on the peak for a few minutes." We never conquer mountains, and we would never presume to. This is what I love about the new and never been done before either. When you do something for the first time you are free and forgiven. It is like the first words and the first steps of a baby. No one has any judgement or expectation and they cheer even the most modest of accomplishments. If you miss a golf shot, no big deal. But Tiger Woods? You get what I mean. This is the way of mountains, the new, and the never been done before.

Recently, I climbed a mountain with my nephew though really we barely took a step.

I had gone home to the great north west to visit home and family and to breathe the mountain air of the Cascades. Ah, home. That we would hunger so much for each other! While there, my nephew, Ryan, took me skeet shooting.

What a fine young man and so gifted at making me (others?) to feel so at home. Ryan is affectionate and affirming. He is also accepting and unassuming. You will forgive the alliteration; it is just the way he is. And I am the better for it.

I had never been skeet shooting before and Ryan, well, Ryan has. He was great and I wasn't. He was the teacher and coach and I was there to learn. And Ryan did such a good job of keeping me safe and secure.

Isn't it marvelous when someone your younger is now charged with your care? Isn't it marvelous to have someone else so meticulously guide and direct you so that you are "at home" and so "at ease" when you are out of your element? Ryan showed me how to properly load the gun, address the target area, what to do when I was shooting, and what to do when I was not.

Ryan blasted clay pigeon after clay pigeon out of the air, while I, with each errant shot could only ask, "What am I doing wrong?" Ah, such bitter, demanding judgement we lay on ourselves sometimes. Like children watching any of their sports heroes I watched Ryan. I figured if I did exactly what he did then I would match him shot for shot.

Again and again he assured me, "You're doing great!" And when I finally got my first clay pigeon he smiled and gave me the "thumbs up." It was like a child's first goal in soccer or his first piano recital. You did it.

We had summited, safe and secure. We had reached the height of our climb. I didn't conquer anything. If I were to go out duck hunting the ducks would most likely live another day. But I was allowed to crawl up one side of something new and sit on its peak for a few moments. The bruise on my shoulder reminds me that I didn't do everything correctly -- and that it is o.k. to not be the best at everthing.

I wonder, what if it hadn't been skeet shooting? What if it had been anything where one person is really good and the other person is just learning? How might each of us, each day, go out of our way to share our loves and our passions and the things we are good at, and at the same time doing it in a way that the other person always feels safe and secure....at ease and at "home" -- at home and at church, in a classroom and around the table, playing the piano or trombone or saxaphone, playing football or running cross country, or whatever? It doesn't really matter what we are doing, does it? So long as we are doing it together...so long as we are affectionate and affirming, accepting and unsssuming. Forgive the alliteration.

I love you, Rye-man! Thanks for roping up and taking the lead.

See you on the mountains, Jeff

The Stillwater Project: Honesty

The Stillwater Project met today for their monthly meeting. The Stillwater Project is a group of thirty 13 year olds who charged with the task of teaching character qualities in a tangible and relevant way. Past words of consideration are Responsiblity, Respect, and Caring. Today's word was Honesty. This is no small order for anyone, but the Stillwater Project is not interested in small orders anyway.

The Stillwater Project begain rather lightly. It is good when doing big things to sometimes start out small, to rub some elbows, and to connect again. It is exciting to see this group implement and put into practice the qualities they are studying. A discussion of Honesty, for instance, is conducted in an environment and context in which group members are already committed to qualities of respect, responsibility and caring. The Stillwater Project is a team, if not a family of sorts.

"The Empty Pot" served as a discussion prompter. If you have not read this children's story you must. It is one of those "big things in little packages."

"The Empty Pot" is about a Chineese emporer looking for someone to succeed him. His love for flowers prompts him to conclude that he will name as successor any child who brings him the most lovely flower. Each child is given a seed to plant and nurture and water.

One boy named "Ping" does all he can to grow the most beautiful flower but nothing happens. He changes the soil, tends, waters, and tends again. But the seed will not sprout. He is sad and ashamed. He will be bringing an empty pot to the emporer.

Every other child jeers and taunts Ping. He is the only one without a flower to offer the emporer. He is also the only one who can offer the King an honest, reponsible, and respectful successor.

The King set out to test the boys. Each boy was given a seed that had been boiled -- it was no longer able to sprout and grow. Clearly, each of the other boys had set out to deceive rather than to confess their difficulty and shame. Ping's honesty and integrity were more lovely than any flower and were character qualities reflective of anyone succeeding the emporer.

After hearty discussion, the Stillwater Project drew the following conclusions of Honesty, what it is, and what is not:

The Stillwater Project:

Honesty

• truth
• trustworthy
• helpful
• kind
• nice
• responsible, respectful and caring

The Stillwater Project further discussion also revealed that being honest is not just the same as being "accurate." Honesty has qualities of kindness and help included in its essence. One can say something that is accurate but not necessarily kind or nice. That would not be honest. Honesty has an essence of encouragment, nurture, and hope.

I left the Stillwater Project today on top of a mountain! Would you join me? I walked away wondering how I might be an encouragement to someone else? How might be speech edify and build up? Is there anything I could say to help someone else, or to make them feel good about themself? Not just flattery or nice talk, but honest, helpful, and respectful talk?

I love you. Thanks for climbing with me.

Jeff on the mountains.

Giving Thanks

The mountain man and his 3 "mountain goats" are going backpacking for Thanksgiving. We're setting a few traditions aside as we set out on the trail for some quality time together. We are going to Hemmed In Hollow in Northwest Arkansas. We will bask together in the glories of a 200 foot waterfall and hearts that flow freely with thanksgiving.

Now the nature of a waterfall -- be it Hemmed in Hollow, The Niagra Falls, or Multnomah Falls -- is that the water falls. That is the nature of waterfalls. The water never remains where it has been. It does not flow uphill or upstream. Each surrenders itself to the forces of gravity and is in constant flow. We can talk about the conditions that contribute to the waterfalling, like the annual rainfall and snowmelt, but in the end the nature remains the same: The water falls.

In similar fashion the nature of thanksgiving is that thanks are given. As waterfalls fall so also thanks flow freely. That is the nature of thanksgiving. Thanks never remain where they have been. They do not stop or back up along the way. Thanks leap. They dance. They descend, ascend and gush forth! Thanks are alive. Like the falling water surrendering itself to the forces of gravity thanks surrender themselves to the forces of a grateful heart, a cup that overflows, and more of God's mercies than we can count or imagine. The nature of a waterfall is that the water falls, and the nature of thanksgiving is that thanks are given.

We might talk about the reasons for our thanksgiving in the same way we talk about rainfall and snowmelt. There is good health and good circumstances. There are our children and grandchildren and their successes in music and school and sports. There are our homes, the food on our table, and the clothes we enjoy. There is our nation, our freedom, and the opportunity to vote for what we desire and what we do not.

But what if we had none of these things? Could we still give thanks? Thanks are not so much a matter of what you have, but what you are giving. Thanksgiving does not ask "What do you have?" Thanksgiving asks "Are you thanful?"

Our nation is facing economic challenges and the changing of leadership. Would we still give thanks? Each of us is aging and few of us enjoy the same health we did a year ago. Would we still give thanks? Each of us has said "good bye" to those we love and seen the change and hurt in the lives of loved ones. Would we still give thanks? We cherish our children and grandchildren, but how many of us are anxious about their surroundings and the choices they sometimes make? Would we still give thanks?

1 Chronicles 16:8 encourages thansgiving as a matter of who God is and what God does. "Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done."

Psalm 100:4 says that thanksgiving abounds in the presence of God. "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to the Lord and call on His name."

1 Corinthians 15:57 gives cause for thanksgiving even in the midst of death. "The sting of death is sin and the power of sin is the law but thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Thanks are not a matter of what you have. Thanks are a matter of what you are giving. Like a water fall thanks flow freely. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Be joyful always; pray continuously; give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." God's will is that we give thanks. At the feeding of the five thousand Jesus was surrounded by anxious and hungry people. He took two fish and five loaves of bread, looked to His Father in fatih, and gave thanks, John 6:11.

What if we had nothing? What if we had nothing at all -- if it were all taken from us? We would still give thanks to God for He is good and His mercy endures forever. With Job we could say, "I know that my Redeemer lives and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And even if my flesh is destroyed yet with my own eyes I will see God," Job 19:25.

Could we have more? Could we have better? We already have more than enough, more than we can count, and more than we deserve. We have what God gives and for all of it we give thanks.

I'm heading off to the Falls with my 3 little "mountain goats." We will marvel at the wonders of falling water. Where does it come from and why does it never stop? But we will marvel more at God's mercies which are new every morning, and for these we will give thanks.

I love you. Blessed thanksgiving. Jeff on the mountains.

Stillwater Project: Caring

The monthly meeting of the Stillwater Project met this last Thursday. The Stillwater Project is a "think tank" of excellent minds gathered to discuss social dynamics and concerns. The goals of the Stillwater Group is to master positive character qualities and foster them among themselves and others of the community. Past projects were focused on Respect and Responsibility. This month's focus was"Caring."

The discussion began with a presentation of "The Rule of 32." This is an exercise that puts people into the role of innitiative and caring for others. "The Rule of 32" encourages that individuals have at least 3 questions of concern for for someone else and at least 2 statements of interest if someone should ask a question of you. "The Rule of 32" insists upon interaction. Interaction is the first step of Caring for others. When we care for others we see them; we realize them; we engage them; we interact with them. "How are you?" "Where are you from?" "What do you enjoy?" are some ways to demonstrate you Care. As well, if someone asks you anything be able to respond with a comment or two that is genuine, sincere, and transparent. "I am doing great!" "I just got back from a business trip." "I enjoy my 7th grade English teacher very much!"

We then discussed people of our community who would benefit from Care. What we learned is that everyone benefits from Care -- from every child in your class, to your teacher or pastor, your coach, the checker at PriceCutter, and you name it. As well, if not moreso, the Stillwater Group specifically mentioned those who are homeless, those who are unemployed, those who are from other countries -- Africa, Mexico, and Asia, those who are in nursing homes, those who are injured or ill, someone whose parents just got divorced, someone who recently lost a loved one, and someone who is lonely. The Stillwater Project determined that if somone is walking through a lunch room looking for a place to sit what they are really looking for is someone to say, "Hey, come sit with us!" Giving someone a chair is not caring. Sitting with someone is.

The Stillwater Project then moved into parallel and companion terms of Caring. These are their conclusions:

The Stillwater Project:

Caring is --

• being loving
• being helpful and giving help to others
• showing compassion for others
• showing interests in others
• seeking to understand -- walking a mile in somone else's shoes
• being kind
• being nice
• listening
• being considerate
• being respectful
• putting the needs of others before your own

There you have it. You will recall the creditials of The Stillwater Group: They are 13 year olds at a local middle school. They are openly and earnestly discussing life changing and world changing qualities. Leave the degrees on the wall. Forget the thesis and term projects. The Stillwater Group is doing it. They are putting character education to the test and they are at the top of the class.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Sit at the feet of the Stillwater Group and see what you can learn from them. Whoever you meet, wherever you meet them, always have three questions of interest followed by two statements of your own. Look around and see who will benefit from your Caring interest. Forget the politics and religion. Forget who has and who has not earned and deserved your conditional kindness.

Care; truly care.

Thanks for the coffee and the time together. You are awesome people. I love you very much. Jeff on the mountains.

A Friend from Australia

I have a friend from Australia. In many ways we are worlds apart. And yet, we couldn't be closer either. We don't always see eye to ey, but I always love it when I see her. I love her very much.

Our worlds are as different as night and day as you can imagine. Her world is wild and rustic and untamed. Mine, by every comparison, is mediocre, midwestern, and almost plain. We are learning, slowly, to aprreciate each other's world. I would never say that we always "get it." But by listening, by honestly trying to listen, we are learning. And sometimes we even find ourselves smiling. She loves the outback. How exciting! I, on the other hand, am a simple, suburban guy. How bland.

My friend has many questions about where I live and what I think. This used to scare me. Her questions made me wonder if she just didn't agree, or if she didn't like where I was from. But you know what she is teaching me? She is teaching me that she would just like to know more about me, and what I like, and where I am from. I, on the other hand, would do well to ask similar questions. What is her world really like? What is it like to be her? How did she get to be the way she is?

My friend and I don't always speak the same language or the same way. How could we? Australia is a long way from America. Everything about her world is different than mine -- and not just the food and the water and the animals running wild. Her "world" is different. Her music is different. Her culture is different. Would I than expect her to think like me? Feel like me? Believe like me? Would her politics or economics be like mine? How could they be? We speak differently and think diferently -- but we are learning to be friends.

She doesn't dress anything like me. Never mind that she is half my age. She is someone else! She is unique. She is distinct. She doesn't have a tattoo or tongue ring -- yet! But what if someday she did? What if in her next trip the states she shows up looking different than I had seen her last? Am I ready receive her? To love her? To accept her just the way she is? I hope so. I pray so.

Friendship is an amazing thing, isn't it? The differences that at first attract us can later threaten us. Is it ever a tempation that the differences we first accept as fresh and exciting we later want to change?

Here's a mountain man challenge. Will you help me? The next time I try to change someone, gently remind me to stop. The next time I "need" to give an answer help me to listen. The next time I suggest that my life, my thoughts, my ways are better than someone else's smile at me, wink at me, and thank me -- say "Jeff, thank you for accepting me just the way I am!" I want you to take someone to lunch whom you know has different politics than you do -- and just listen. I want you to go to church with someone who goes to a different church -- and I want you to find three things you LOVE about this other person's church. I want you to do something you thought you would never do -- legal, ethical and moral, of course -- but go to a hockey game or ballet, go fly fishing or to an art museum. Go to Aurstalia if you can. But look at the world through someone else's eyes.

My friend from Australia is about the greatest person you would ever meet -- and just about as different, too! I can't wait to see her again.

I love you, Jeff

Building People

Wouldn't it be great if you built houses for a living? You could write yourself an "action plan" that had clear and measurable objectives: We build starter homes that are unique, cozy, and affordable. We will build 10 homes this year, and increase productivity by 10 percent for the next five years. We will re-invest 10% profit into the business. In five years we will add to our profile mid-priced homes that include custom design. Our goal is to build afforadable and accessible housing that is a quailty and attractive product. Houses are concrete, measurable products. It would be great to build them.

But we don't build houses. We build people. We build people who are unique, dynamic, and ever changing. We build people who are complex and come with their own variables. People have varying reactions to varying situations. No one is the same and no one comes out the same even when you invest the same attention, energy, and information. Houses are a relatively static product. People are not.

Let's say our action plan reads something like this: By God's grace and providing -- its God's doing, not ours -- Mounain Man People Builders will be

• Joyful and united in life and our approach to others
• Bold and courageous
• Child and Visitor Friendly
• Centered, Focused and Directed by God's Word and Truth
• Purposefully Outreaching -- we are always looking for the next person to meet, greet, and to invest in!

That's the plan. O.K.? Now, what's the program?

We are used to programs, aren't we? We are used to some "design." A home comes with a blueprint. Tell me the blueprint for people. Tell me the science. Tell me that when we have the right set of studies, the right set of sermons, if the leader is motivating enough, and the team is "connected enough," and when we all do the right thing the right way then everything will turn out right. Right? Probably not. We are building people. Not houses.

The temptation when people do not turn out right is to get a new "Coach" or a new "CEO" or a new "Leader" or new parents, or new whoever else we are blaming when people are not turning out right.

Forgive me, but maybe the problem is not the leader, the parent, the CEO. Maybe its you and me.

The Vision needs to stay the same. We need to keep building people. We need to keep being joyful and united. We need to keep being child and visitor friendly. We need to keep centering our life and direction from God's grace, Word, and promise. We need to keep reaching out to others. We need to keep being bold and courageous. We need to overcome our fears, inhibitions, and temptations to complain, argue, and blame others. The vision needs to stay the same.

It is "we" who need to change. You and me. Not others. No program. No plan. No blueprint. Except the program, plan, and blueprint that begins with you and me. The world changes with us. We change. We are not looking for a better community, or better church, or better anything. We are looking to be better people -- by God's grace and by His design.

It is God who is building us. It is grace that is building us. And when we fail and fall short we are forgiven and we begin again. When we are not united and joyful, when we care more about ourselves than children and strangers, when we are not courageous, when we are not rooted in God's Word, when we are not reaching out to the next soul, we are forgiven. And we are designed and planned to begin again.

Philiippians 1:6, "God is daily bringing to completion the good work He has begun in us." In other words, He is still building; still planning; still programming you and me into His perfect image.

Will you join me? We are not buildling houses. We are building people. Here's the mountain man challenge: Forget the plan and program. Take a look at people today. Smile. Show some interest. Listen. Be connected. Find children. Love unconditionally. Be bold and courageous. Do something different today. Be hopeful. Give hope to others. Hitch up with someone and help them to the top. Help someone tie a lure on their line. Take someone fishing. Go to breakfast with someone. Share your story. Ask about someone else's story. Hmmmmm. Sounds more and more like a plan to me.

I love you. I like climbing with you. Jeff on the mountains.

Sammy

She was one of those girls that didn't always fit in. I can't tell you why. She wasn't any more awkward than any other 14 year old girl wanting to fit in. But she didn't.

Maybe its a momentum thing. You know, like when everything goes right it goes right? And when everything goes wrong, well it goes wrong. That's the way it seemed for Sammy.

Sammy was an o.k. student. She struggled in pre-algebra, but not terribly. She liked English the best, and particularly writing. But whenever she had to get up to read her essays or poems she felt like no one was listening.

Sammy did make the volleyball team and that was cool. But most of the girls played together on a club team so she never really felt like part of the group. She overheard them all talking about a party that was coming up. It was clear that she wasn't invited. She didn't know how she felt about this. She didn't really like parties that much anyway. But still she wondered why she wasn't invited. Why was it that she just didn't fit in.

One day Sammy caught my attention. I can't tell you why. She just did. For whatever reason on this day I looked at this girl, pleasant enough in every way, but a girl who didn't seem to fit in. I asked the question in my heart that she must have asked herself everyday: What is the matter? Why not?

I wondered what it must be like to be so lonely, or so all alone. I wondered what it would be like to wander around the lunch room looking for an empty chair but really wanting for someone to holler, "Hey, Sammy! Come sit with us!" If it's a drag being picked last for sports teams what does it feel like when no one wants to be your lab partner in biology.

I started to wonder why a person like Sammy might be the way she is -- why she might lack confidence or that positive and healthy energy that attracts good and fun attention? Why doesn't Sammy fit in? Is she ill in some way? Did something bad happen in her life to steal her joy? Were her parents divorced or having troubles? Had she been abused somehow? Does her dad have one of those jobs where people say bad things about him? Did her family lose their house in a fire or something like that? Why?

Then something else came to me: Maybe it doesn't matter "why" Sammy is the way she is. Who cares why Sammy is the way she is. What really matters is that Sammy, just like me and everyone else I know, would like to fit in; to have friends; to be included. I wondered what it would be like if I, or anyone, just walked up to her and said, "Hey, Sammy. Join us for lunch?" Or "Hey, Sammy, how was your week-end?" Or "Hey, Sammy, a bunch of us are studying history together and then going out for some ice cream. Come along?" Or "Hey, Sammy, I really like your outfit today, or your new hair style, or whatever."

And so I would! I would walk right up to Sammy and invite her to join us for lunch -- the next day! I even talked to some friends about it. They agreed that would be a cool thing to do. They also agreed they had wondered, too, about Sammy and why she didn't fit in. Tomorrow was the day.

But tomorow never came. Sammy moved away. I don't know where she moved. I don't know what she is doing. I hope wherever she went she is happy and that she fit ins. I hope she married and has great children. I hope she is a part of a church where she is always welcome. Greater than great sermons, and great hymns and great prayers, I pray that every week when she walks in someone walks up and says, "Sammy, how's your week? What's going on? Sit with me today?"

I am sorry, Sammy. I am sorry it took so long to notice. It is a small consolation, but I am trying to learn. I am trying to open my eyes. I am trying to open my heart. I am trying see people just the way they are. I fail. Maybe if you are reading this, and you know me, you would say I am failing you. But I would like to learn; I would like to do better.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Will you join me. Let's look for people today. All people. Let's step into people's lives. Always have a question or two of interest for people you meet. Ask people their names. And if you forget, ask again. Look people in the eye. Smile. Include people in what you are doing. Give people the opportunity to say "No thank you." But never leave people wondering, "I wonder why I wasn't invited."

Thank you for climbing with me. I am safer knowing you are with me. When I fall you are there to catch me. I also enjoy your company. Jeff on the mountains.

The Stillwater Project: Responsibility

The Stillwater Project met this last week. The Stillwater Project is a monthly "think tank" of character specialists. We meet at an area middle school to discuss and foster character qualities in youth. I am privileged to meet with this esteemed group.

This month the Stillwater Project met to discuss Responsibility. Responsibility is a tall topic for anyone, let alone twenty-five 12 and 13 year olds.

The project began with everyone getting a gummy finger puppet. Sounds simple enough, right? If not even "silly?" But when discussing responsibility its nice to begin with a hands on project. Do you know that without giving much direction a classroom of 12 and 13 will make sure that everyone gets "one." I like that. While many may sometimes ask "am I my brother's keeper," the Stillwater Group is here to say "yes." When we are responsible for each other in little matters like gummy finger puppets then we are more apt to be responsible for each other in larger projects.

Next everyone got a golf ball. A golf ball is a simple object with a lasting image: What is Tiger Woods' favorite golf club? His driver? His irons? His putter? Ask Tiger and he will tell you. They are all his favorite club. Each club has its own purpose, its own responsibility. Similarly each child in the class, each member of the community, the checker at the grocery store, and the waitress at the breakfast diner. Each has a purpose and responsibility and we are all responsible for each other. We are our brother's keeper. We are our sister's keeper. We take care of each other.

We role played. We played "What's My Line?" I even tried to sing a duet with one young lady. She wouldn't do it. Still, the Stillwater Group did all they could to learn, dialogue, and unravel the best understanding of what Responsibility means. Here is a working list of meanings they came up with:

The Stillwater Project:

Responsibility

• Do your work
• Work as a team
• Work together
• Patience
• Kindness
• Include others
• Don't leave anyone out
• Do your best
• Don't be afraid to fail
• Take care of others
• Try harder

There you have it: The Stillwater Project working results for the character trait of Responsibility. What might you add to the list? How might you put this learning from a group of 12 and 13 year olds into action? What can we learn from them, and how can we prosper from their Responsible contribution to you and me?

Here's the mountain man challenge: Let's let this group take the lead for a while. Hitch into their rope. Let them mount the next run. Let them lead us to the top. And let's you and me enjoy the view of a world made better by them!

I love you. Thanks for letting me climb with you! Jeff on the mountains.

Teamwork

Ever sat in the stands at a football game? Ever listened to everyone who knows how to coach better? Quarterback better? Referee better? Pretty sad state of affairs. Critical. Nasty. Cynical. We want our kids to grow up to be sweet and loveable. But there is a great tempation to raise sad and disappointed people who blame others for their disappointments.

Let me tell you a little secret about football, football plays, and the plays the coach calls. Now pay attention because this principle has huge implications for your mariage, family, life, work and work place, the school your child attends, and your Church. Are you ready? Here's how it goes:

No matter how horrible the play the coach calls, it is still a better play when 11 people on the field commit to the same play than when 11 people run their own play. You get it? It just might be a really lousy play. Why are we passing the ball now? Or why are we running it up the middle when it hasn't worked all game? But whatever your complaint and concern, whatever the coach calls is still a better play than when everyone does their own thing.

Does our nation run better if 5 poeple sitting over a beer or cup of coffee tell everyone how terrible the president is? Does your child do better in school when you run your mouth outside the building, telling others how lousy his teacher is? Who prospers when you sit in the stands at a youth sporting event talking bad about the coach, the referee, or the other team? When you tell everyone how bad your church is, or how poor the leadership is, do you find people then joining your church? Huh? Figure that.

And, who walks away from such gripe sessions saying, "Wow! That is sure a bright person who really knows how to see it?" Do we honestly think that people think that the negative, critical and cynical are the insightful ones? What ends up happening is one of two things: 1) You drag everyone else down around you; or 2) People start thinking "What a very sad and disappointed person."

Tony Dungy is the legendary coach of the Indianopolis Colts. He is known for his quiet demeanor and how he treats his players, opponents, and other teams with honor and respect. But it wasn't always that way. In his book, "Quiet Strength" he tells how in one game years ago he yelled and screamed at a referee for a call he didn't agree with. His father called him and asked, "How did your yelling change the outcome?" "It didn't," Coach Dungy acknowledged. "The play stood as it was called." "Then why do it?" His father asked. Henceforth Tony Dungy does not yell and complain about referees. Instead, he puts his energies into molding and shaping his team to overcome adversity -- a stronger team, able to overcome the way the ball bounces, and the calls that may not go your way.

The Bible says, "Two are better than one for in them is a great reward." However great you "think" you are, you are not as great as the collective efforts of the team working together -- marriage, family, work, school, and even Church. No one prospers by your working against them. Everyone prospers by your working with someone, coming along side, pulling together, cheering on.

Here is the mountain man challenge: Quit your complaining. Quit your blaming. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Quit fighting against the team. Quit going against the grain. Take hold of the hem Jesus' garment. Get yourself healed and healthy. If you need some help go talk to someone. Drop me a note. Ask me to pray with you. Ask me to come along side. Hitch into my rope and let's work together to get to the top!

I love you. Jeff on the mountains!

Laughter

Today we will laugh. Today we will encourage others to laugh. We will smile. Look people in the eye. Think positive, hopeful things. This is not to say that things are not sad. It is not to say that you do not have challenges and difficulties. It is not to say that you have not been hurt. It is to say we are going to do something different today. We are not going to be victims. We are not going to blame others. We are not going to engage all that could have been. We are going to laugh, and we are going to do the things we wish everyone else would do.

Today the world will be a brighter, more hopeful place because of YOU. When you laugh you will light up the room. When you smile you will soothe the sorrow of someone hurting. When you listen you will lessen the load of a hurting person.

Could you join the ranks of those who insist that the world is terrible? Could you join the ranks of those who say that Barrack Obama is the anti-Christ? That John McCain is just another Bush and 4 more years of chaos? That Sarah Palin is a pretty face and out of touch? That Joe Biden is part of the "good ol' boy club?" Could you say all these things? Sure. And others are already saying it. So you don't have to! Say what's important to you. Nothing more. Nothing less. You don't have to talk bad about others to make your point. You can say positive, hopeful things. You can laugh, and you can help someone else laugh, too.

I'm going to a hockey game today. The boys have really been practicing. They skate forwads and backwards. They check. They pass. They score. My guess is that no child wants to do poorly. He may not always do the best he is capable of. But he didn't set out to do poorly. They'll do their best. Perhaps my son will play lots and do well. Maybe he won't. What will be my contribution to the game? What have I been practicing?

I will smile. I will laugh. I won't pout. I won't shout at the referee or the coach. I won't tell the person next to me that the coach doesn't know what he is doing. I won't blame someone if the game doesn't turn out the way I would like. This is a small matter. Perhaps by practicing at a hockey game I can do it better in the real important things in life, too. Maybe if I can do this at a hockey game I can do it with my children's teachers, my pastor at church, the next policeman that stops to give me a ticket, and the future leader of my nation. I can smile. I can laugh. I can make life a little sweeter.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Laugh your way to the top. Be delightful bright. If being positive and hopeful is trite and superficial, it is still 100 times better than being cynical, critical, and "deep thinking." You are the light of the world, Matthew 5:14. You are a brand new creation, 2 Corinthians 5:17. You are a holy, royal, and righteous people, 1 Peter 2:9. And you have made my world 100 times better by being in it! Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for making me smile.

I love you very, very much. Jeff, on the mountains!

Coaches

Every afternoon I entrust my children to the care and guidance of men filled with enthusiasm, a fair amount of knowledge and experience, and their own personal perspective. A couple of these men are old enough to be their grandfathers. A couple of them are not much older than an "older brother." These are my children's coaches. One child runs cross country. One plays football. The other plays football and hockey.

My boys' coaches have different values. They have different ways about them. They have different backgrounds. They have different approaches to what they do.

My boys are all different, too. They have different abilities, different aptitudes, and different degrees of passion and work ethic. My oldest son is very gifted but sometimes injured. My middle son is very capable and does a good job but is more concerned about his grades (if not also a girlfriend!). My youngest son has the heart of a lion but has a small stature. He is an 80 pound running back and defense man! Pretty fast and fragile, to be honest.

If you growl at my oldest son or tell him you need more he responds very well. He has always been my "soldier." My middle son is quite a thinker. It works well to put your arm him and explain things in an engineering fashion. My youngest son is a lover. He loves playing. He loves being part of the team. He loves his teammates. He will gladly give up his position for another boy if you are nice about it.

I love my children's coaches. That says more about them than me. I love that these men spend two and a half hours with my children every afternoon. I would love my sons to be the star of the team but I am quite o.k. if they are not. All I ask, and what I have been blessed to receive, is that their coaches care about abut my boys. My oldest son's cross country coach often invites him to golf. How cool is that?

In a recent game one of my sons missed a play. His coach pulled him out. At first that made me sad. Then I saw the coach call my son over. He put his arm around him. I saw him explaining what just had happened. The very next play he sent my son out again. That was very cool. This man is 30ish. I am learning from him.

One day my boys will not run cross country, or play football, or play hockey. But they will always remember this time in their life. They will remember their coaches -- these men who sacrifice from their own families to give to my family. Could they do better than what they are doing? They are already doing more than I am doing -- that is the point! They are heroes.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Forget the playing time. Forget the position. Forget the Division 1 scholarship for a moment. Look at the people who are investing 2 and a half hours every day in the life of your child. Honor him. Think well of him. Affirm him. He is a hero in my book. Volunteer to work the chain gang. Join the booster club. Work the concession stand. Write your son's coach a letter or note. Send his children a coupon for MacDonald's or ice cream. Do something to say "thank you."

Help him up the mountain. The view is always better from there! Jeff -- learning to climb enjoying the people on the way!

Babies

I love babies. I'd have a dozen more if someone would let me. But alas, I am resigned to the three hoodlums entrusted to me and growing beyond my control and beyond my desire. It seems they will no longer be my little "babies" and the treasures I packed home with me some 16, 14, and 12 years ago. Ahhhhh, to hold them again in my arms without getting heaved to the ground in some sort of mixed martial arts combat. "I can kick your butt, Dad!" Indeed. They can kick my butt. Where does the time go -- as well as the more simple moments that came with a pacifier and a teddy bear?

When a baby is a baby it seems we are a more gentle and accepting people. There are not too many expectations placed on babies. We expect that they will soil themselves, and drool, and cry through the night. We expect it, and we accept it. We don't think little of babies for being little. But dammit. If you grow up you better live up, too. We expect it, and we will not accept it if you don't cut it.

When a child is one and learns to walk we applaud him for falling down. Gravity takes its course and we cheer. But did you see him for a moment? Did you see him right before he fell? Why, he might be a great athlete one day! But come 5, or 6, or 7, if he is not running as fast as the other kids, or racking up goals in kindergarten soccer then there is a temptation to be disappointed, isn't there. He needs to try harder.

When a child is two and says his first words we can't help but think he is faster than other children his age. Never mind complete sentences. We put the best construction on everything he says. We listen intently. We fill in the blanks. We gently interpret and correct what he says. "oh, he didn't mean to say that," we defend. But should he get a masters degree, or a doctorate, should he be a preacher, or a lawyer, or someone else who speaks for a living, then listen to the pundits filett your little darling. Do you ever wonder if Barack Obama or John McCain have mothers? I wonder what they think while they undermine each other?

Wouldn't it be great if we never grew up and into the harsh expectations of others? Wouldn't it be great if we could live forever in the sweet tranquility of unconditional mercy? Wouldn't it be great if we could be someone's baby just for a day, held fast and close in someone's arm? Better that than to have someone kick your butt.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Look at people today and envision them someone else's child. Think how much you would accept them if your expectations were not too lofty and high. Oh, this is not to say we do not encourage poeple and help them to do their best. It is to say that if they should fall just a little short, or even a long way short, you treat them no differently than you would a one year old falling on his seat, or a two year old who can't quite talk right. Speak well of people. Be very kind, very generous, very gracious. Forgive people today. Let go of differences. Listen. And always have three questions of interest for someone else. That's a begining anyway. And if we keep at it we may even find ourselves at the top.

Thank you for carrying me today. I love you very much. Jeff

Parenting 101

When it comes to parenting I am still learning.

I believe we learn parenting best when we help each other. I don't think people respond well to the burden of expectation. I don't think people do their best when you tell them they could have done better. I believe the best way to help people is to pray for them, encourage them, and come along side them. Parenting isn't easy. Don't make it harder for yourself or others.

When it comes to learning my my boys are my best instructors. I am also learning from their coaches, their teachers, and other great parents -- like you! Sometimes watching the way others love my boys reminds me of how I might love my boys. And when someone treats my boys in a way I wish they wouldn't it reminds me not to treat them that way either.

As a parent I have made some real gaffs -- the worst mistakes I have ever made and hope never to make again. This is not just false humility. This is unacceptable and never to be done again. Perhaps you can learn from me. I hope you never make these mistakes yourself, or if you have you can join me in eliminating them from your parent profile:

• I have yelled at my kids while they are playing sports -- as if that makes them feel better or even play better; it doesn't. It is wrong. I won't do it again; you don't do it either.
• I have made decisions for my children based upon what someone else might think of me or what I should do. Terrible. God alone and my wife have a say in what I do or do not do in relationship to my children. Here is a promise: I will never put a burden on you as to how you raise your children. I will pray for you and your children, encourage you and your children, and help you and your children maintain your values. But you don't have to raise your children the way I reaise mine. O.K?
• I have been angry or diappointed during or after a sporting event; I have also been disappointed with their coaches or something beyond their control. This is the worst! Children respond to your attitude and demeanor. If you are happy and pleased they will be, too. If you are not, they will not be. Lighten up. Brighten up. And enjoy the game! And love their coaches no matter what. Your children respond to authority the way you do. Don't teach them something they will regret later!
• I once yelled at my older son so loud and fiercely that his younger brother stepped in to defend him. I yelled, "Why are you defending him! He yelled at me first!" To which the younger brother hollered, "Yeah. But you're the Dad!" Lots of yelling. And you know what? He was right. I am the Dad. My boys learn from me. No more yelling.
• I have brought my sadness and disappointment with life and work home with me. Unfair. My boys get maybe an hour with me a day, sometimes less. They don't need to know I had a tough day. They need to know that they are the most important people in the world to me. They are worth more to me than the last knucklehead who tried to ruin my day.

Now, to God's glory, my children's credit, and your model, I am learning some things, too. These are simple, everyday things you can learn, tweak, adjust, and personalize for yourself. Make them excellent. Make up your own. I believe we call can change. By God's grace and to His glory we can do better. Here are some parenting moves I think that are working out pretty well for me; maybe they will work out well for you, too.

• Except in matters of right and wrong, and matters legal, ethical, and moral, I allow my children a lot of ownership in life decisions -- where they go to school, whether or not they play soccer or hockey, and whether or not they play in the band; don't sweat the little things and don't sacrifice your children to the gods of others' expectations.
• Accept your children as they are: They don't need to fulfill your unmet life ambitions. They don't need to be doctors, Ph.d.s, pro athletes and goofy things like that. There are lots of children who are great at many things and yet feel lousy about themselves. Better to be average, accepted, and absolved!
• Lighten up. Don't worry about lost fishing poles, fumbled footballs, a "C" on a test, and the like. Spend the day with someone who has lost a child and then try to sort out what you need to worry about.
• Live each day like it was the day your child was born. Remember how happy you were. Remember you had no expectations, burdens and worries. Love you kids. Tell them how awesome they are.
• Write letters to your children's teachers, coaches and people of influence -- pastors, Sunday School teachers, etc. Say good things. Say affirming things. Never critique or criticize in a letter -- ever. If you cannot say it to someone's face, don't say it at all. And better never to criticize or critique anyway. These are people who spend more time with your children then you do. They need your love, your appreciation and your support. If someone spends two hours with my boys every night after school, he is a hero to me.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Parnter up with someone. How can you help someone else be the best parent they can be? How can you pray for someone, encourage someone, and help them? I think you are doing a great, great job, and I thank YOU for helping me be a better parent today!

I love you very much. And I love my boys even more!! Jeff on the mountains!

Learning for a Living

From time to time people ask me what I do for a living. It is a fair question and a curiosity for many of us. It is one of the first questions of interest we ask each other: "What do you do." My brothers sell. My father was a factory worker. My mother was a secretary. I learn. Literally. And I love it. Learning is what I do for a living.

This morning I was invited to an area Middle School to meet with a "think tank" known as "Still Water;" catchy name, eh? We were to discuss human dynamics and character development. Its a tall topic for anyone but I was with some real thinkers.

Each of the "Still Water" participants is an accomplished educator in his and her own right. I won't bore you with degrees and citations but believe me when I say that each in this group has been around the block and back. Each has an impressive resume. Each comes from a unique background and perspective.

The topic we were given to master was RESPECT. Respect for self. Respect for others. Respect. I was invited to share my own thoughts and ideas if I wanted, but mostly I was to listen, to learn, and to live!

At one point I playfully said, "If I dropped over right now I would need one of you to put your mouth on mine and breathe life into me! Any volunteers?" There were no takers. I don't blame them, would you? Most 7th graders would not be too excited about giving me mouth to mouth. But then we shifted the life giving procedure to the word Respect. I had each of these 12 and 13 year olds put their mouths around the word Respect to breathe some life into it. Here is what they had to breathe. Here is what they had to say:

Still Water Results for 9/04/08 think tank discussion

Topic: RESPECT

• Teamwork
• Cooperation
• Tolerance
• Working together
• Treating others as you would want to be treated
• Treating people with kindness
• Caring for others
• Including others -- even if they are different
• Showing interest in others -- ask three questions of interest
• Look people in the eye
• Smile
• Listen
• Always be willing to share something of interest about yourself
• Respect for others begins with respect for yourself

Here's the mountain man challenge: Will you join me? Will you harness up with the Still Water climbers? Will you let these 12 and 13 year olds take the lead on the next steep and narrow spot in the trail? I think we all could learn -- and live! -- just a little lighter and brighter from what each of these "experts" has to teach us about Respect. Hats off to the Still Water group!

I'm loving you! Thanks for the coffee -- and see you at the top! Jeff on the mountains.

Camping Out

I am joining a few other men and their boys and girls on a little "Father -child" outing. We have some kids from 4 to 14 (and a couple of 16 year olds)...we are going to float, fish, and have some fun. We are going to love each other and spoil each other's children.

We will affirm such things as big fish, little fish, big smiles, little smiles, and even breathing! We are going to celebrate boiling water, roasting hot dogs, and making s'mores. We are going to listen and laugh. We are going to make sure that this littlest one has the most fun thinking the rest will have a pretty good, time, too. I am going to love my boys. I am also going to love other boys and girls just the same! I will pass the mantle -- I will teach others to set up a tent instead of doing it myself; I will let others make the meals instead of having to be in control. I will not sweat the little things -- and they are all little things, aren't they?

Burned eggs? Bring them on. Fish in the fire? Who cares? What I really want to do? I want to learn. I want to learn to be a child, dependent upon others and our Heavenly Father. I wan to learn to be a child for the sake of learning again. I don't have to know it all. I don't have to always be right. I don't have to do it my way.

I will be goine for a couple of days -- but I am still drinking coffee and thinking of you! Drop me a note. Ask how we did. Share what you might like to talk about? Parenting? Marriage? Hope? Happiness? Forgiveness? You name it. Let's talk it.

Well, I'm off...roped, reading, and riding high!

Your friend, Jeff on the mountain!!

300 and Won!

Did you hear about the bowler who bowled 300 and won? It is kind of a word play. "300" is a perfect bowling score --its the highest game you can get. When you say "300 and won" it sounds like 301 -- which is impossible. But you could hardly bowl 300 and lose, can you? When you bowl 300 then you just bowled "300 and won."

In the few weeks since we have gathered here on "Coffee Time" at http://www.sipstalk.blogspot.com/ we have had over 300 visits. That might be one person logging on 300 times, or 30 people logging on 10 times, or 10 people logging on 30 times, or some other combination of the above. To me, it is 300 reflections; 300 ponderings; 300 late night musings, or 300 early morning risings. To me, it is 300 passing considerations between "us" -- whoever us is beginning to be.

Like a perfect game of 300 in bowling, you can hardly lose when you put 300 thoughts together -- that's 300 and won!

Thank you for visiting. I don't write because I am a good writer. I write because you are a good listener. I like spending time with you. I like hearing what you have to say and think. I like learning. I like being together. Invite others. Let's meet up here -- glass of wine...cup of coffee...something to learn together....

You are awesome, awesome people. Thanks for letting me climb with you. Jeff on the mountains...with one of his "climbing coaches" -- Aaron.

Crossing the Bridge

I had a professor in college who was afraid of bridges. Yet in Portland, Oregon there are plenty of bridges. A person cannot -- very practically -- resign themselves to staying on one side of the bridge or the other. Sometimes you have to muscle up, throw caution to the wind, and go forward. I imagine this was a daily undertaking for her. Perhaps it got easier over time; perhaps it didn't. But she had to cross the bridge.

From the time we are children we begin learning relationship skills. We are taught to share our marbles and our crayons. We are taught to invite everyone to our birthday parties so no one feels "left out." If we hurt someone's feelings we are taught to go and apologize. I remember getting in a fight at school and my mother marching me over to Steve's house to apologize and shake hands. She made me cross the bridge. I didn't want to. But she made me. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do.

It doesn't take rocket science or another episode of Oprah to figure out that we are all just a little different, does it? We come from different backgrounds, different tastes, and different cultures. Race, economy, education, and religion can play a major factor in all of this. So can good fortune and so can bad fortune. About the second day of marriage I figured out that this "until death do us part" was not an invitation to murder. My wife and I were two different people. This was going to take a little work. A little effort on my part. A little relaxing. A little letting go. A little putting up. A little shutting up. Somedays I do better than others. Most days my wife does better than I do. But we learn. We start again. We cross the bridge. We share our marbles and our crayons. We say we are sorry. We invite each other to our birthday parties.

In addition to marriage are countless other relationships that also benefit from the same childhood courtesies: share; apologize; invite each other to your party.

I don't know at what age exactly we stop teaching our children "good habits" when it comes to relationships. I can't really tell you when words like "share" and "you need to apologize" become lesser values than "stand up for yourself" and "don't take that!" I don't know what age we stop inviting everyone to our birthday parties. I do know at any youth sporting event you go to, or church meeting, or some other such activity you will hear "grown up" folks deciding who would do really well, and who wouldn't. And should someone be invited or included whom we wish had not -- we put on the cold shoulder, the silent sabotage, and the like. We share a little less. We apologize a little less. And often we refuse to cross the bridge.

I remember a meeting where people were really acting like knuckleheads. I was very angry and was glad to leave at the end of the meeting. As I drove home I was fuming. I found myself asking, "How long will I be angry?" My question seemed mechanical and contrived, and yet, would I go home and be angry for my family? Was that fair to them? Was it healthy for them? Was I accomplishing anything by my anger? So I said, "I will be angry until I cross that bridge." There was a bridge 500 feet ahead.

You know what? I stopped the car. I was afraid. What if I couldn't really let go of my anger? What if I didn't want to let go of my anger? But in time I had to ask a second, if not more practical question, "Are you going to spend the night here on the road?" If I was to go home I would have to cross the bridge. If I was to go home I would have to let go of my anger.

I am not saying it is easy. I am not saying it is fun. But sometimes it is what you need to do. You need to step back into people's lives. You need to go back to kindergarten. You need to share. You need to include. You need to remember the last really good sermon, or Bible Study, or Oprah show and somehow put it into practice. This is nothing new. It is the same thing we have always known. I know people who argue all day long about how someone "else" should have said it -- how the preacher got it wrong, or Oprah got it wrong, or whoever else got it wrong. I know people who make themselves sick, or sad, staying angry, and separated, and holding grudges. But is it any more "right" to sit still? To stay "mad?" or "hurt?" or "angry?" and on the side of the road? Need I gently say what we know is true? No, it is not...

Here is a mountain man challenge:

• Cross the bridge.
• Call someone on the phone.
• Apologize. Say "I am sorry."
• Ask "Will you forgive me."
• Go face to face or over the phone; do not send a letter -- and do NOT send an email or text message for anything other than to say "I love you!"
• Say "thank you."
• Ask how someone is doing.
• Invite someone to lunch or breakfast -- someone you never have before.
• Find someone you would not ordinarily "hang out" with and share yourself with them.
• Ask to see someone's tongue ring or tattoo.
• Show some interest in a child.
• Affirm someone.
• Send a card to someone.
• Find someone you know is "lonely" and invest in their heart and soul.
• Step into someone else's life.
• Let go of an anger, a hurt, or a grudge. Give yourself a time table. Make it happen. Don't put it off.
• Smile at someone today...

And, while you are at it, help someone to the top of the mountain. I love you. I really do. And it means a lot you would spend this moment with me...Jeff

Only

In the 1970s Clint Eastwood starred in an action thriller titled "The Eiger Sanction." It was a kind of spy vs. spy story set in a mountaineering motif. Clever. In one scene Clint Eastwood and a co-star have scaled a very difficult rock face. Perched atop, Clint Eastwood says, "Boy, a beer would taste pretty good right now." To which his co-star says, "A guy would have to be crazy to pack a beer up here!" "I know" Clint Eastwood says. "That's why I put them [a couple of beers] in your pack!

In backpacking, you only bring what is necessary. No extras. No luxuries. No extra baggage. Every ounce means something. Some of the most extreme climbers will drill holes in their toothbrush to cut unnecessary weight. You only bring what you need.

Good principle. In Ephesians 4:29 St. Paul says, "Say only those things that edify and build up others in their faith." There are a lot of things you can say in life, just as there are a lot of things you can carry in life. But we are learning to bring "only" what is necessary. In speech, as in high mountaineering, it is best to bring only the essentials: Those things that build up and edify.

So if you were scrapping the dead weight today, all things things that are not really necessary, what would you leave behind and at the base of the mountain? A little sarcasm? Something critical? Something combative, insulting, or contentious? Who prospers when you point out someone else's fault? Would someone benefit more by your excellence and even your help? If someone is about to step over the ledge better to haul him back and take him along side then let him slip and point out he's not very good at this sort of thing.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Take only what is necessary. Say only what edifies and builds up.

• Leave a love note for one of your children on the mirror or their pillow. Tell them how proud you are of them and something they are working at.


• Make a five minute date with your spouse and look him (her0 in the eye and remind him (her) about what you most loved when you first met, and what you love today!


• Write a thank you to your children's teachers and coaches and instructors and say "Thank you for investing in children!" They don't have to be the best for you to invest in them!


• Thank the people who provide music at your church. thank the Sunday School teachers. Thank your elders and church counsel. tell them you appreciate their involvement in God's Kingdom.


• If someone has a tattoo or tongue ring, ask about it! No one gets something new without wanting someone else to notice!


• Ask about your waiter or waitresses life. Many are going to college. Some are raising children. For some this is a second job. Many would love to share if you will listen.

Well, time to rope up and hit the trail. Thanks for climbing with me and helping me lighten my load. You help me! And it makes me happy that you have joined me for this cup of coffee today. Look in the mirror and smile: You are the light of the world, Matthew 5:14. You are a brand new creation, 2 Corinthians 5:17. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalm 139:14.

I love you! Anyone bring a beer? Jeff

Running Strong

My friend "Doc" has shared an incredible story. It is in the comment section in response to yesterday's entry titled "Fitting In." Doc captures a number of dreams of mine and has inspired me to dream more. Please look up Doc's story and see yourself "fitting in" and "running strong." You are amazing people. It is good to be a part of you.

Note to fellow climbers: In high mountain adventure the term "short roping" refers to a an experienced mountaineeer and guide who attaches a weaker climber to his side with a short rope, essentially for the purposes of "carrying" the weaker climber to the top. I am blessed to be on each of your "short ropes." Thanks for the lift.

Jeff...on the mountains.

Fitting In

Jeff Sargeant plays fullback for the Missouri State University Football Bears. The problem, however, is that the MSU Bears have gone to a spread offense -- which is a wide open passing attack that makes the fullback position all but non-existent. As offensive guard Seth Reichert says, "They took his position away." At 6 foot, 235 pounds, Jeff Sargeant is a prototypical fullback. He is a gifted athlete yet he could have some trouble transitioning to new positions: Too small to play on the line and too short to be a receiver. It would probably be easier on the coach and the team if Jeff went away.

Except for a very important factor: Jeff Sargeant is a valued member of the MSU team. No one wants to get rid of Jeff. And so the coaching staff and the team is looking for ways to utilize Jeff. Regardless of their spread offense, they are developing plays that utilize a fullback, and they are also using him at tight end. Ordinarily a tight end might be 6'3" or taller. But if you really value someone you find ways to help them fit in. Jeff is a valued member of the MSU football bears so you can look forward to seeing him this year.

There is a temptation, isn't there, to write people out of the offense. We would win a lot more games if we could just get rid of so-and-so. We would be more successful is "you-know-who" wasn't around. If you cannot get rid of someone "officially" you can kind of "weed them out" with a little silent sabotage, a little aloofness, and a little coldness. After a while people can get the picture: "Am I mistaken, or has my name and number not been called for a while?" "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

It excites me that the MSU Bears are finding room for Jeff. Even if MSU has changed their offense, they haven't change their opinion of Jeff: They want Jeff to fit in. That's what "team" is all about.

Let's take a page out of the MSU playbook. Here's a mountain man challenge: Rope up with the person on your right; and rope up with the person on your left. Help someone else to the top. Be the coach and find a way to help someone else fit in. Be a member of the team and welcome someone else to the huddle. You can teach your children this. You can teach others this. If you are going out to breakfast with a couple of guys invite someone else to join in. If you are going out for a beer, invite someone you have never invited before. If you are a member of a church, mill around in the foyer and find someone you have never greeted before. Make someone fit in and feel a part of the team.

I am rooting for you, Jeff! I am your biggest fan. And I am rooting for the rest of you, too. See you on the mountain! Jeff