Camping Out

I am joining a few other men and their boys and girls on a little "Father -child" outing. We have some kids from 4 to 14 (and a couple of 16 year olds)...we are going to float, fish, and have some fun. We are going to love each other and spoil each other's children.

We will affirm such things as big fish, little fish, big smiles, little smiles, and even breathing! We are going to celebrate boiling water, roasting hot dogs, and making s'mores. We are going to listen and laugh. We are going to make sure that this littlest one has the most fun thinking the rest will have a pretty good, time, too. I am going to love my boys. I am also going to love other boys and girls just the same! I will pass the mantle -- I will teach others to set up a tent instead of doing it myself; I will let others make the meals instead of having to be in control. I will not sweat the little things -- and they are all little things, aren't they?

Burned eggs? Bring them on. Fish in the fire? Who cares? What I really want to do? I want to learn. I want to learn to be a child, dependent upon others and our Heavenly Father. I wan to learn to be a child for the sake of learning again. I don't have to know it all. I don't have to always be right. I don't have to do it my way.

I will be goine for a couple of days -- but I am still drinking coffee and thinking of you! Drop me a note. Ask how we did. Share what you might like to talk about? Parenting? Marriage? Hope? Happiness? Forgiveness? You name it. Let's talk it.

Well, I'm off...roped, reading, and riding high!

Your friend, Jeff on the mountain!!

300 and Won!

Did you hear about the bowler who bowled 300 and won? It is kind of a word play. "300" is a perfect bowling score --its the highest game you can get. When you say "300 and won" it sounds like 301 -- which is impossible. But you could hardly bowl 300 and lose, can you? When you bowl 300 then you just bowled "300 and won."

In the few weeks since we have gathered here on "Coffee Time" at http://www.sipstalk.blogspot.com/ we have had over 300 visits. That might be one person logging on 300 times, or 30 people logging on 10 times, or 10 people logging on 30 times, or some other combination of the above. To me, it is 300 reflections; 300 ponderings; 300 late night musings, or 300 early morning risings. To me, it is 300 passing considerations between "us" -- whoever us is beginning to be.

Like a perfect game of 300 in bowling, you can hardly lose when you put 300 thoughts together -- that's 300 and won!

Thank you for visiting. I don't write because I am a good writer. I write because you are a good listener. I like spending time with you. I like hearing what you have to say and think. I like learning. I like being together. Invite others. Let's meet up here -- glass of wine...cup of coffee...something to learn together....

You are awesome, awesome people. Thanks for letting me climb with you. Jeff on the mountains...with one of his "climbing coaches" -- Aaron.

Crossing the Bridge

I had a professor in college who was afraid of bridges. Yet in Portland, Oregon there are plenty of bridges. A person cannot -- very practically -- resign themselves to staying on one side of the bridge or the other. Sometimes you have to muscle up, throw caution to the wind, and go forward. I imagine this was a daily undertaking for her. Perhaps it got easier over time; perhaps it didn't. But she had to cross the bridge.

From the time we are children we begin learning relationship skills. We are taught to share our marbles and our crayons. We are taught to invite everyone to our birthday parties so no one feels "left out." If we hurt someone's feelings we are taught to go and apologize. I remember getting in a fight at school and my mother marching me over to Steve's house to apologize and shake hands. She made me cross the bridge. I didn't want to. But she made me. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do.

It doesn't take rocket science or another episode of Oprah to figure out that we are all just a little different, does it? We come from different backgrounds, different tastes, and different cultures. Race, economy, education, and religion can play a major factor in all of this. So can good fortune and so can bad fortune. About the second day of marriage I figured out that this "until death do us part" was not an invitation to murder. My wife and I were two different people. This was going to take a little work. A little effort on my part. A little relaxing. A little letting go. A little putting up. A little shutting up. Somedays I do better than others. Most days my wife does better than I do. But we learn. We start again. We cross the bridge. We share our marbles and our crayons. We say we are sorry. We invite each other to our birthday parties.

In addition to marriage are countless other relationships that also benefit from the same childhood courtesies: share; apologize; invite each other to your party.

I don't know at what age exactly we stop teaching our children "good habits" when it comes to relationships. I can't really tell you when words like "share" and "you need to apologize" become lesser values than "stand up for yourself" and "don't take that!" I don't know what age we stop inviting everyone to our birthday parties. I do know at any youth sporting event you go to, or church meeting, or some other such activity you will hear "grown up" folks deciding who would do really well, and who wouldn't. And should someone be invited or included whom we wish had not -- we put on the cold shoulder, the silent sabotage, and the like. We share a little less. We apologize a little less. And often we refuse to cross the bridge.

I remember a meeting where people were really acting like knuckleheads. I was very angry and was glad to leave at the end of the meeting. As I drove home I was fuming. I found myself asking, "How long will I be angry?" My question seemed mechanical and contrived, and yet, would I go home and be angry for my family? Was that fair to them? Was it healthy for them? Was I accomplishing anything by my anger? So I said, "I will be angry until I cross that bridge." There was a bridge 500 feet ahead.

You know what? I stopped the car. I was afraid. What if I couldn't really let go of my anger? What if I didn't want to let go of my anger? But in time I had to ask a second, if not more practical question, "Are you going to spend the night here on the road?" If I was to go home I would have to cross the bridge. If I was to go home I would have to let go of my anger.

I am not saying it is easy. I am not saying it is fun. But sometimes it is what you need to do. You need to step back into people's lives. You need to go back to kindergarten. You need to share. You need to include. You need to remember the last really good sermon, or Bible Study, or Oprah show and somehow put it into practice. This is nothing new. It is the same thing we have always known. I know people who argue all day long about how someone "else" should have said it -- how the preacher got it wrong, or Oprah got it wrong, or whoever else got it wrong. I know people who make themselves sick, or sad, staying angry, and separated, and holding grudges. But is it any more "right" to sit still? To stay "mad?" or "hurt?" or "angry?" and on the side of the road? Need I gently say what we know is true? No, it is not...

Here is a mountain man challenge:

• Cross the bridge.
• Call someone on the phone.
• Apologize. Say "I am sorry."
• Ask "Will you forgive me."
• Go face to face or over the phone; do not send a letter -- and do NOT send an email or text message for anything other than to say "I love you!"
• Say "thank you."
• Ask how someone is doing.
• Invite someone to lunch or breakfast -- someone you never have before.
• Find someone you would not ordinarily "hang out" with and share yourself with them.
• Ask to see someone's tongue ring or tattoo.
• Show some interest in a child.
• Affirm someone.
• Send a card to someone.
• Find someone you know is "lonely" and invest in their heart and soul.
• Step into someone else's life.
• Let go of an anger, a hurt, or a grudge. Give yourself a time table. Make it happen. Don't put it off.
• Smile at someone today...

And, while you are at it, help someone to the top of the mountain. I love you. I really do. And it means a lot you would spend this moment with me...Jeff

Only

In the 1970s Clint Eastwood starred in an action thriller titled "The Eiger Sanction." It was a kind of spy vs. spy story set in a mountaineering motif. Clever. In one scene Clint Eastwood and a co-star have scaled a very difficult rock face. Perched atop, Clint Eastwood says, "Boy, a beer would taste pretty good right now." To which his co-star says, "A guy would have to be crazy to pack a beer up here!" "I know" Clint Eastwood says. "That's why I put them [a couple of beers] in your pack!

In backpacking, you only bring what is necessary. No extras. No luxuries. No extra baggage. Every ounce means something. Some of the most extreme climbers will drill holes in their toothbrush to cut unnecessary weight. You only bring what you need.

Good principle. In Ephesians 4:29 St. Paul says, "Say only those things that edify and build up others in their faith." There are a lot of things you can say in life, just as there are a lot of things you can carry in life. But we are learning to bring "only" what is necessary. In speech, as in high mountaineering, it is best to bring only the essentials: Those things that build up and edify.

So if you were scrapping the dead weight today, all things things that are not really necessary, what would you leave behind and at the base of the mountain? A little sarcasm? Something critical? Something combative, insulting, or contentious? Who prospers when you point out someone else's fault? Would someone benefit more by your excellence and even your help? If someone is about to step over the ledge better to haul him back and take him along side then let him slip and point out he's not very good at this sort of thing.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Take only what is necessary. Say only what edifies and builds up.

• Leave a love note for one of your children on the mirror or their pillow. Tell them how proud you are of them and something they are working at.


• Make a five minute date with your spouse and look him (her0 in the eye and remind him (her) about what you most loved when you first met, and what you love today!


• Write a thank you to your children's teachers and coaches and instructors and say "Thank you for investing in children!" They don't have to be the best for you to invest in them!


• Thank the people who provide music at your church. thank the Sunday School teachers. Thank your elders and church counsel. tell them you appreciate their involvement in God's Kingdom.


• If someone has a tattoo or tongue ring, ask about it! No one gets something new without wanting someone else to notice!


• Ask about your waiter or waitresses life. Many are going to college. Some are raising children. For some this is a second job. Many would love to share if you will listen.

Well, time to rope up and hit the trail. Thanks for climbing with me and helping me lighten my load. You help me! And it makes me happy that you have joined me for this cup of coffee today. Look in the mirror and smile: You are the light of the world, Matthew 5:14. You are a brand new creation, 2 Corinthians 5:17. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalm 139:14.

I love you! Anyone bring a beer? Jeff

Running Strong

My friend "Doc" has shared an incredible story. It is in the comment section in response to yesterday's entry titled "Fitting In." Doc captures a number of dreams of mine and has inspired me to dream more. Please look up Doc's story and see yourself "fitting in" and "running strong." You are amazing people. It is good to be a part of you.

Note to fellow climbers: In high mountain adventure the term "short roping" refers to a an experienced mountaineeer and guide who attaches a weaker climber to his side with a short rope, essentially for the purposes of "carrying" the weaker climber to the top. I am blessed to be on each of your "short ropes." Thanks for the lift.

Jeff...on the mountains.

Fitting In

Jeff Sargeant plays fullback for the Missouri State University Football Bears. The problem, however, is that the MSU Bears have gone to a spread offense -- which is a wide open passing attack that makes the fullback position all but non-existent. As offensive guard Seth Reichert says, "They took his position away." At 6 foot, 235 pounds, Jeff Sargeant is a prototypical fullback. He is a gifted athlete yet he could have some trouble transitioning to new positions: Too small to play on the line and too short to be a receiver. It would probably be easier on the coach and the team if Jeff went away.

Except for a very important factor: Jeff Sargeant is a valued member of the MSU team. No one wants to get rid of Jeff. And so the coaching staff and the team is looking for ways to utilize Jeff. Regardless of their spread offense, they are developing plays that utilize a fullback, and they are also using him at tight end. Ordinarily a tight end might be 6'3" or taller. But if you really value someone you find ways to help them fit in. Jeff is a valued member of the MSU football bears so you can look forward to seeing him this year.

There is a temptation, isn't there, to write people out of the offense. We would win a lot more games if we could just get rid of so-and-so. We would be more successful is "you-know-who" wasn't around. If you cannot get rid of someone "officially" you can kind of "weed them out" with a little silent sabotage, a little aloofness, and a little coldness. After a while people can get the picture: "Am I mistaken, or has my name and number not been called for a while?" "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

It excites me that the MSU Bears are finding room for Jeff. Even if MSU has changed their offense, they haven't change their opinion of Jeff: They want Jeff to fit in. That's what "team" is all about.

Let's take a page out of the MSU playbook. Here's a mountain man challenge: Rope up with the person on your right; and rope up with the person on your left. Help someone else to the top. Be the coach and find a way to help someone else fit in. Be a member of the team and welcome someone else to the huddle. You can teach your children this. You can teach others this. If you are going out to breakfast with a couple of guys invite someone else to join in. If you are going out for a beer, invite someone you have never invited before. If you are a member of a church, mill around in the foyer and find someone you have never greeted before. Make someone fit in and feel a part of the team.

I am rooting for you, Jeff! I am your biggest fan. And I am rooting for the rest of you, too. See you on the mountain! Jeff

Relief Is On the Way

I have never been a big baseball fan. But I am intrigued about the whole matter of the relief pitcher. I like it. It excites me. It turns me on.

Think about it: You are a little known entity of the team. You may actually play less than a punter for the Indianapolis Colts. But you relieve the star of the team. He can pitch 8 incredible innings. But more times than not you will be called to the mound to finish up what he has begun. How cool is that?

Now what is really cool is this is your job! People like you for it. They respect you for it. They cheer you for it. They pay you for it. No one ever says "You are not as good as the starter!" No one ever implies that you are less than he is though you may only throw 9 or 10 pitches to his 60 or 70. Your job is to get the job done. Pretty cool.

Your team and your fans see you as a very vital and important member: You relieve. You come in off the bench. A huddle of coaches, the catcher, the star you are relieving, and a host of infielders meet you on the mound. There is almost ritual and pageantry to the passing of the ball: The coach takes the ball from the starter and drops it in your glove. He jogs from the field to an ovation. Then you finish the game. I think that is pretty cool.

Know what else is pretty cool? No one really dogs the starting pitcher for not being able to finish what he has begun. There is a foregone understanding that baseball is a teamsport and the teammates look to each other to do what one person is not able to do. No one bats a 1,000. Not everyone hits a homerun. Few pitchers ever finish a game. No infielder goes a season without an error. People back each other up in baseball.

What would that look like in our everyday lives? What would it look like if we were daily backing each other up? What would it look like if we were all coming in relief of the person who goes before us. Can you see yourself not thinking your reliever is less than you are --and not thinking your starter is unable to get the job done?

You are part of a magical, miraculous team -- a husband and a wife; a mother and a father; parents and children; a family; friends together; a church congregation; two associate pastors; teachers on the same staff; a medical team; a team of electricians wiring a house. The Bible says, "God is making everything new." You are new! It also says, "Two are better than one." Your best work together is always better than anyone's work alone.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Relieve someone today. Pick up the ball. Cheer the person before you. Cheer the person after you. Say something good. Say something deep. say something healthy. Try not to be trite or superficial; try to be very significant. But honestly? Better to be tritue and superficial than to join the ranks of people who are sincerely cold, aloof, distant and critical...don't you think?

You are a superstar and I love partnering with you. I love the truth that when we put our coffee down you are out there putting others at ease and in a very good place. You shine light where there is none. You make a difference. You help someone to the top of a mountain.

I love you. Time to rope up and hit the trail! Jeff

Missing Persons

What if you woke up one morning and found yourself in your greatest nightmare: your child is missing. You search frantically. You scream. You sob. You beg. You bargain. There is no trace. There is not clue. You have no place to begin. Your daughter's face appears on a billboard; your son's face is on a milk cartain. All you want is for his, for her face, to be back home.

Your child doesn't have to turn up missing to be gone from your life. Many children shrink from our lives for want of positive strokes, for some unconditional love, and for some affirmation. In our want to provide "better lives" for our children, sometimes we might be ruining their opportunity to search, to learn, and to try and fit in?

We learn "You are saved by grace, through faith, this is not of yourselves it is the free gift of God so that no one can boast." The thief on the cross got a free ticket to paradise. The woman caught in adultery got passed by the angel of death and an angry mob pelting stones. 1 Corinthians 13 says, "Love is patient and kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it keeps no record of wrongs." There is a temptation, however, to add to all of this: "But you, my dear, need to work harder; you need to try harder; you are not doing enough." What if you went to church 3 times a week, knew David and Goliath forward and backwards, but never really heard you are forgiven; I love you; I accept you? All you ever really heard is how bad you were? Or how bad the world was? Would you want to come back? Or would you turn up missing -- and then to hear that you are the one who went astray?

Do you think there are children who grow up almost the best at everything but feeling the worst about everything? To say "I love you" and "I accept you" does not mean much if those same words are followed by disappointment over unmet expectation: You did not live up.

Let me share something with you gently. Let's come along side of each other and help each other. I like to say "If you want someone to know Jesus, talk about Jesus." In the same way, if you want a child to know good things about themselves, tell them! Let it fly! Tell them you love them, how proud you are, how much you think about them. Ask a child about their day? Ask about their interests. If someone has a tonuge ring, ask to see it! Why not? Ask about a tattoo. I promise you, an average child who knows he is loved and treasured will be a happier child then the one who is tops in everything but afraid of failing for fear of disappointing you.

Dont' get me wrong. I think it is awesome for a child to get good grades and to work hard and to do their best. I just don't think its the worst if they are not. I think children want to fit in. I think children wanted to be treasured and loved. I think children want to be forgiven when they fail. I think they will test the boundaries once in a while -- and see if you still love them. And to see if you would really, really miss them if they were gone.

You know what? I love you. Hokey, eh? But I really do. I love you. I miss you. I like you. And I miss you when you are gone...See you on the mountain.

A Passionate Plea

I received the following letter this week from a young lady. I am ommitting only identifying features and changing the name she gave to "Susan." It got my attention and has caused me some wondering and pondering. I wonder what you think? I wonder what you would say? Please take your time in reading this, and only read it if you are open to listen and to be considerate of her plea. Thank you.

Who am I?

My name is "Susan" and I am a resident of [a place nearby]. I have a well-seasoned religious background. My maternal grandpa is a Baptist preacher who traveled all around the lower Midwest for decades preaching the gospel, hellfire and brimstone, the cross, and the word, which we Christians know to be different messages in and of themselves.

My paternal grandfather was head pastor of a Pentecostal Assembly of God church which -- for most of the formative years of my childhood -- I attended a minimum of three times a week. I also graduated from a private Baptist university, where I received more of an education on the historical and political aspects of our religion.

The problem? I feel, most of the time, like an bother when it comes to my religion. Yes, I am firmly rooted in the traditions of my church. My diet growing up was plentiful with southern gospel music, church camp, and the monikers of brother so-and-so and sister-what’s-her-name. I tend to try to lean towards the good in my actions, generally not just because it’s the right thing to do, but also because – dammit -- I just can’t shake the feeling that Jesus is watching me. And in that – dammit – is the problem.

I am not what some would consider to being a good Christian. By this, I mean a few things. First, I am extremely liberal. I’ll explain this more in a moment. Second, I cuss like a sailor and I am okay with that. Finally, I have this habit of questioning everything men in authority try to convince me I need to believe. I play the devil’s advocate intentionally and purposefully. To me, ignorance is not bliss. The problem simply stated is that I feel like I am the only Christian in the world who is okay with being this way.

The Cause? So why should this be a problem, progressive Christians will ask. There is plenty of room in our church for people of all kinds! Well, the cause of the problem I am feeling is simply the notion that seems to prevail that my actions and beliefs are sinful and thus must be corrected. Even if you are not all about changing me overnight, I still understand from my upbringing that someone in your church will be trying to chip away at me and make me conform. When I come to church on Sunday and tell you that my husband is Agnostic, you will strategize a way to convert him. When I defend pro-choice citizens, you puff up like a marshmallow peep in a microwave and either spend the next 10 minutes railing on me or you walk away, having made a decision that we can’t be friends. When I use that word (you know, the 4 letter one) during dinner, you look at me like I have stabbed you in the shoulder. Your reaction to me is the cause of my problem.

The Question? The question I pose in this letter is simple. Is there a church out there that will really, truly accept me? Just as I am? Without making any attempt to change me? Is there a church that will embrace me as me, that will not ostracize me or isolate me, that will not take efforts to make me feel sub-standard because I support gay marriage? If I disagree with what the Pastor has instructed us to do, will I be given a forum to express my beliefs? Or will you do what all those churches do and simply expect me to be a sheep and follow blindly what another sinner has recommended for my life? Does such a church exist? I would really love to find one.

The Solution? I have spent the last three years praying every night that God would send me my church. The one that is the right fit. The one that doesn’t mind me being very political and having mostly anti-conservative values. Because even though I disagree with you, I don’t want to change you. All I ask is for the same in return. I wonder if I am being so unreasonable in wondering if this church exists. I wonder if there are other people out there who are just like me? Who have come to question the judgmental ethic of the church but miss the camaraderie and tradition. I am tired of waiting for this church to find me, and this is why I have written this letter. I am trying to be proactive in finding my home.

If your church has a place for me and others like me, please step up.

"Susan"

Cheering for Champions

Michael Phelps is a champion swimmer. Even if you don't follow the Olympics you probably know that he is the most decorated Olympian of all time. He has won more medals than any other Olympian; ever. At his present pace he will win 8 gold medals in thiese Olympics alone, surpassing Mark Spitz' 7 gold medals in 1972. Pretty cool. I like champions. I like to cheer for champions. I've never really followed swimming before. But I do like champions.

As Michael Phelps continues to win I suspect more and more poeple will begin following his Olympic reign. We all like winners. Even if we are not big swimming fans we do like champions -- of all kinds.

But what if it wasn't Michael Phelps and it wasn't swimming. What if it was people in your every day life? How excited do you get when your children walk through the room and how much do you cheer? How excited do you get when your spouse cleans the house or makes the dinner or fixes something that is broken, and how much do you cheer? Do you cheer and high five when the waitress smiles at you, or the checker at the grocery store asks about your day? What about your child's football coach, or your child's teacher, or the pastor at your church? What if these others in your life are average at best but every single day devout themselves and their passions to someone you love?

I love it when people swim real fast, and hit a golf ball real straight, and can hit a slap shot really hard. I love it when people are really smart, and can make lots of money, and can do really cool things. But what about the people I see everyday? What about the people who daily invest in me, and my children, and the people I love? Are they champions, too?

I love watching Michael Phelps win. But do you know what I love even more? I love watching Micheal Phelps cheer for others. Michael Phelps is the greatest Olympic champion of all time. Yet Michael Phelps cheers for other people, too. He cheers for people not as good as he is; he cheers for people not as accomplished as he is. Michael Phelps is a champion in my book. Because Michael Phelps cheers for others.

Here's a mountain man challenge: For every medal that Michael Phelps wins, I want you to cheer for 10 other people. Pick them at random. Pick them for their humility; for their every day heroics; for the unrecognized but kind things they do -- for smiling; for listening; for loving; for spending time. Cheer for

• your Sunday School Teacher
• the people who play the organ or piano or guitar at your church
• the busboy at a restaurant
• your children's teachers and coaches
• the second and third string quarterback, or lineman, or something on your child's football team
• the shy girl who plays the flute in the band
• your neighbor -- especially if you have never even said hello
• cheerleaders
• those who are not cheerleaders
• somone
• anyone

I love you very much. Today I am cheering for you. You are a champion to me!

Jeff on the Mountains!

Children Know What You Show Them

Children know what you show them. My dad showed me how to change a tire when I was fifteen. Pretty cool -- and pretty practical, too. Now, whenever I need to change a tire I know how to do it! My dad showed me. I know what he showed. My dad also showed me a great appreciation for the outdoors -- thanks, Dad! A great appreciation for people of other cultures -- thanks, Dad! And he showed me that he loved me and was proud of me. What a guy! I feel a little bit better about myself because my dad showed me that he felt pretty good about me.

Children know what we show them. If you want a child to know how to play soccer, show them. If you want them to know how to ice skate, show them. And if you want them to know how to do gymnastics, show them. It is as simple as that. When a child is born he and she is pretty much a blank slate. They don't know much of anything. What you put in their heart and mind by your actions, attitude, and the words you say they come to know. I would never have known how to change a tire on a car unless my dad, or some other adult investing in me, showed me.

When you you show a child a bright, positive, affirming, and encouraging disposition, then they come to know taht God is gracious and good and that someone cares about them. They cme to know how to be bright, and hopeful, and positive. They come to know how to love their church, their school and their teachers. They come to know how to trust others and to not be too selfish or too easily disappointed. But when show children a critical, disappointed, and negative disposition, then they come to know how to be selfish, self-interested, and to conclude that somehow God and others have let them down. Children know what you show them. I want children to love their school, their coaches, and their churches. So I try to show them a heart and attitude that says they have a great school, great teachers and coaches, and a great church. Children know what you show them.

Join me today, will you? Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's put on the happy face. Let's invest in the life of a child. Let's find one child or young person who will prosper and benefit from being in YOUR company. Forget all the other sad sacks! YOU make a difference. My dad showed me how to change a flat tire. How about you showing a child how to change a flat disposition into one that is filled with life and breath!

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." He also says, "Anyone who causes the least of these to stumble would be better off with a millstone tied around his neck and tossed into the sea." Far be it from me! Let's continue to partner in creating an environment and world and community where children are safe and well received, and where we partner in assisting them along a safe and healthy highway...No deep sea diving for us!

I love you! Children know what you show!!

Jeff on the mountains

Saving Par

I'm not a great golfer. But I like it. I like being out on the course. I like a wide open course that follows the natural terrain, and I also like a well groomed course. I especially appreciate the natural camaraderie and jocularity that seems to surface whenever a foursome of blokes get together.

Last week I went out with some men I know, all of them my senior by ten years or more. They were all much better than I and seemed to delight in helping me with my game. Gently they would adjust my alignment, remind me to swing easy, and celebrate the shots that were better than others. I muscled my way through the front nine and managed a fair score but after the turn I fell apart. I just couldn't find the fairway or the green. Hole after hole I crumbled. I kept my cool, but they could tell I was frustrated. They reminded me that it was just a game and it was great to be out together.

Finally, on the thirteenth hole, I somehow mustered a drive right down the middle. Then my approach shot landed just short of the green. I was 15 or 20 feet from the pin, relatively straight and slightly uphill. I stepped up with a wedge and set up to chip the ball up by the cup. "You know, you have been struggling with your chipping," one of the men said. "Why not try putting?" I was in the first cut off the green and it was a smooth approach. "Why not?" I thought. I took a firm but even stroke...and the ball dropped right in the cup. Birdie!

You would have thought I was Tiger Woods and had just won the U.S. Open! The guys couldn't have been happier for me. Everyone was high fiving and cheering. For all my bad strokes, shots in the sand, and out of bounds, I had succeeded in this small way -- and they were here to celebrate it.

I wonder what it would look like if every day was like a round of golf with your buddies. What if instead of waiting for people to fail we were looking for the smallest successes and victories? No matter how poorly someone performed in other areas of life we were all standing by to cheer the little things. What if someone was having trouble? Could you see yourself offering a gentle suggestion or alternative? When someone is really struggling, can you see yourself talking them down off the ledge? What if someone is off the mark or out of bounds? Can you see yourself offering kind encouragements and reminding them that everyone has a bad day? We don't have to pile on, do we? And don't you suppose that people would come much closer to saving par than when we point out their failings and add to their anxiety?

Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's go out of our way to make someone's day today. Let's start a rebellion: No more smack talk. No more whining. No more icky, negative stuff. Go out of your way to encourage a waiter or waitress; say something nice to the checker at the grocery store; encourage the policeman that stops to give you a ticket. Thank your children's teacher or coach. Be nice to someone. Call or write to someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Forgive someone even if they don't deserve it. Let go of a grudge -- and don't make up reasons why you can't. Do you go to church? Thank your pastor and the person who teaches Sunday School. Tell the choir director and the music people how well they do. And find a child to affirm and encourage -- you just can't say enough good things about children. You just can't overdo it. Whatever you do and wherever you go find a child and build them up. Be a child champion. Be a child builder. Now that would be a hole in one!

See you on the links!

Child Friendly

Aren't you sick of youth sports? Day in and day out? Why do we surrender ourselves to year round schedules and practices? And for what? For a scholarship that only 1 in 200 will ever achieve? Or do you suppose youth sports is one of the few forums in society where adults will invest hours and hours of time in children who are not their own? Coaches, soccer moms, booster club members and on and on. Each one effectively, or even ineffectively, saying, "You are important."

Personally, I like sports, but I think its all a bit much. But I do like the idea that countless parents will line up to say, "I will help. I will get involved. I will cheer. I will affirm." We can hardly fault children, or even their parents, if sports are one of the only forums where children are affirmed and encouraged.

But maybe you object? Good for you! Tell me I am wrong. Tell me you are a child champion. And tell me your church, school, and neighborhood is Child Friendly. Tell me that YOU are Child Friendly. Where do you affirm children? Where do you go out of your way to say

• "This is a child friendly place?"
• "This is a child zone!"
• "We affirm children here."
• "We invest in children here."
• "We spend time, effort, and money on children here!"

Here's the mountain man challenge: Every child is your child. You see a child, he belongs to you. Do you go to Church? What was the last sermon about? The last Bible Study? The last devotion? Some goofy notion that we are going to save the world? Go to Africa or Brazil? Start a prison ministry? Work at a homeless shelter? Forget it. At least for now. Instead: Make every child in your Sunday School, or church, or school, or neighborhood YOUR focus of affirmation and encouragment. Forget what others are doing or not doing. Forget your pastor. Forget the youth director and the Sunday School. Forget the church day school. You make the difference. You do something. You make a child the center of your life and affirmation.

Or sign the kids up for another 12 month season of soccer ....

Coffee Time

I've spent $200 or more on a backpack or tent and felt I got a pretty good deal, but if I spend more than a dollar on a cup of coffee I feel like I got fleeced a bit. I like coffee, the blacker the better and don't put anything in it but your smile. To me, a cup of coffee boiling over an open fire with grounds floating in it says something. I don't know what it says but it says something. It says you are alive. It says you have good things in your life. It says you got people to love and people loving you. A cup of coffee reminds me of times out to sea in Alaska, or out in the woods with my Dad, or out on the back deck with one of my dearest loves. A cup of coffee suggests that things could be worse than sitting here with thoughts of good things and good people and a Great God who loves us all. So let's cozy up once in a while. Put me on your desk top or in your file of favorites, grab yourself a cup of coffee, and let's ponder a thought or two -- something hopeful or positive, something joyful or encouraging, something about your dearest love, or past time, or dream. Today its you: Coffee in hand and time to burn. I am thinking of you! You are awesome. You are a blessing. You light up my life. Philippians 4:8, "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things."