Saving Par

I'm not a great golfer. But I like it. I like being out on the course. I like a wide open course that follows the natural terrain, and I also like a well groomed course. I especially appreciate the natural camaraderie and jocularity that seems to surface whenever a foursome of blokes get together.

Last week I went out with some men I know, all of them my senior by ten years or more. They were all much better than I and seemed to delight in helping me with my game. Gently they would adjust my alignment, remind me to swing easy, and celebrate the shots that were better than others. I muscled my way through the front nine and managed a fair score but after the turn I fell apart. I just couldn't find the fairway or the green. Hole after hole I crumbled. I kept my cool, but they could tell I was frustrated. They reminded me that it was just a game and it was great to be out together.

Finally, on the thirteenth hole, I somehow mustered a drive right down the middle. Then my approach shot landed just short of the green. I was 15 or 20 feet from the pin, relatively straight and slightly uphill. I stepped up with a wedge and set up to chip the ball up by the cup. "You know, you have been struggling with your chipping," one of the men said. "Why not try putting?" I was in the first cut off the green and it was a smooth approach. "Why not?" I thought. I took a firm but even stroke...and the ball dropped right in the cup. Birdie!

You would have thought I was Tiger Woods and had just won the U.S. Open! The guys couldn't have been happier for me. Everyone was high fiving and cheering. For all my bad strokes, shots in the sand, and out of bounds, I had succeeded in this small way -- and they were here to celebrate it.

I wonder what it would look like if every day was like a round of golf with your buddies. What if instead of waiting for people to fail we were looking for the smallest successes and victories? No matter how poorly someone performed in other areas of life we were all standing by to cheer the little things. What if someone was having trouble? Could you see yourself offering a gentle suggestion or alternative? When someone is really struggling, can you see yourself talking them down off the ledge? What if someone is off the mark or out of bounds? Can you see yourself offering kind encouragements and reminding them that everyone has a bad day? We don't have to pile on, do we? And don't you suppose that people would come much closer to saving par than when we point out their failings and add to their anxiety?

Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's go out of our way to make someone's day today. Let's start a rebellion: No more smack talk. No more whining. No more icky, negative stuff. Go out of your way to encourage a waiter or waitress; say something nice to the checker at the grocery store; encourage the policeman that stops to give you a ticket. Thank your children's teacher or coach. Be nice to someone. Call or write to someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Forgive someone even if they don't deserve it. Let go of a grudge -- and don't make up reasons why you can't. Do you go to church? Thank your pastor and the person who teaches Sunday School. Tell the choir director and the music people how well they do. And find a child to affirm and encourage -- you just can't say enough good things about children. You just can't overdo it. Whatever you do and wherever you go find a child and build them up. Be a child champion. Be a child builder. Now that would be a hole in one!

See you on the links!