Teamwork

Ever sat in the stands at a football game? Ever listened to everyone who knows how to coach better? Quarterback better? Referee better? Pretty sad state of affairs. Critical. Nasty. Cynical. We want our kids to grow up to be sweet and loveable. But there is a great tempation to raise sad and disappointed people who blame others for their disappointments.

Let me tell you a little secret about football, football plays, and the plays the coach calls. Now pay attention because this principle has huge implications for your mariage, family, life, work and work place, the school your child attends, and your Church. Are you ready? Here's how it goes:

No matter how horrible the play the coach calls, it is still a better play when 11 people on the field commit to the same play than when 11 people run their own play. You get it? It just might be a really lousy play. Why are we passing the ball now? Or why are we running it up the middle when it hasn't worked all game? But whatever your complaint and concern, whatever the coach calls is still a better play than when everyone does their own thing.

Does our nation run better if 5 poeple sitting over a beer or cup of coffee tell everyone how terrible the president is? Does your child do better in school when you run your mouth outside the building, telling others how lousy his teacher is? Who prospers when you sit in the stands at a youth sporting event talking bad about the coach, the referee, or the other team? When you tell everyone how bad your church is, or how poor the leadership is, do you find people then joining your church? Huh? Figure that.

And, who walks away from such gripe sessions saying, "Wow! That is sure a bright person who really knows how to see it?" Do we honestly think that people think that the negative, critical and cynical are the insightful ones? What ends up happening is one of two things: 1) You drag everyone else down around you; or 2) People start thinking "What a very sad and disappointed person."

Tony Dungy is the legendary coach of the Indianopolis Colts. He is known for his quiet demeanor and how he treats his players, opponents, and other teams with honor and respect. But it wasn't always that way. In his book, "Quiet Strength" he tells how in one game years ago he yelled and screamed at a referee for a call he didn't agree with. His father called him and asked, "How did your yelling change the outcome?" "It didn't," Coach Dungy acknowledged. "The play stood as it was called." "Then why do it?" His father asked. Henceforth Tony Dungy does not yell and complain about referees. Instead, he puts his energies into molding and shaping his team to overcome adversity -- a stronger team, able to overcome the way the ball bounces, and the calls that may not go your way.

The Bible says, "Two are better than one for in them is a great reward." However great you "think" you are, you are not as great as the collective efforts of the team working together -- marriage, family, work, school, and even Church. No one prospers by your working against them. Everyone prospers by your working with someone, coming along side, pulling together, cheering on.

Here is the mountain man challenge: Quit your complaining. Quit your blaming. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Quit fighting against the team. Quit going against the grain. Take hold of the hem Jesus' garment. Get yourself healed and healthy. If you need some help go talk to someone. Drop me a note. Ask me to pray with you. Ask me to come along side. Hitch into my rope and let's work together to get to the top!

I love you. Jeff on the mountains!

Laughter

Today we will laugh. Today we will encourage others to laugh. We will smile. Look people in the eye. Think positive, hopeful things. This is not to say that things are not sad. It is not to say that you do not have challenges and difficulties. It is not to say that you have not been hurt. It is to say we are going to do something different today. We are not going to be victims. We are not going to blame others. We are not going to engage all that could have been. We are going to laugh, and we are going to do the things we wish everyone else would do.

Today the world will be a brighter, more hopeful place because of YOU. When you laugh you will light up the room. When you smile you will soothe the sorrow of someone hurting. When you listen you will lessen the load of a hurting person.

Could you join the ranks of those who insist that the world is terrible? Could you join the ranks of those who say that Barrack Obama is the anti-Christ? That John McCain is just another Bush and 4 more years of chaos? That Sarah Palin is a pretty face and out of touch? That Joe Biden is part of the "good ol' boy club?" Could you say all these things? Sure. And others are already saying it. So you don't have to! Say what's important to you. Nothing more. Nothing less. You don't have to talk bad about others to make your point. You can say positive, hopeful things. You can laugh, and you can help someone else laugh, too.

I'm going to a hockey game today. The boys have really been practicing. They skate forwads and backwards. They check. They pass. They score. My guess is that no child wants to do poorly. He may not always do the best he is capable of. But he didn't set out to do poorly. They'll do their best. Perhaps my son will play lots and do well. Maybe he won't. What will be my contribution to the game? What have I been practicing?

I will smile. I will laugh. I won't pout. I won't shout at the referee or the coach. I won't tell the person next to me that the coach doesn't know what he is doing. I won't blame someone if the game doesn't turn out the way I would like. This is a small matter. Perhaps by practicing at a hockey game I can do it better in the real important things in life, too. Maybe if I can do this at a hockey game I can do it with my children's teachers, my pastor at church, the next policeman that stops to give me a ticket, and the future leader of my nation. I can smile. I can laugh. I can make life a little sweeter.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Laugh your way to the top. Be delightful bright. If being positive and hopeful is trite and superficial, it is still 100 times better than being cynical, critical, and "deep thinking." You are the light of the world, Matthew 5:14. You are a brand new creation, 2 Corinthians 5:17. You are a holy, royal, and righteous people, 1 Peter 2:9. And you have made my world 100 times better by being in it! Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for making me smile.

I love you very, very much. Jeff, on the mountains!

Coaches

Every afternoon I entrust my children to the care and guidance of men filled with enthusiasm, a fair amount of knowledge and experience, and their own personal perspective. A couple of these men are old enough to be their grandfathers. A couple of them are not much older than an "older brother." These are my children's coaches. One child runs cross country. One plays football. The other plays football and hockey.

My boys' coaches have different values. They have different ways about them. They have different backgrounds. They have different approaches to what they do.

My boys are all different, too. They have different abilities, different aptitudes, and different degrees of passion and work ethic. My oldest son is very gifted but sometimes injured. My middle son is very capable and does a good job but is more concerned about his grades (if not also a girlfriend!). My youngest son has the heart of a lion but has a small stature. He is an 80 pound running back and defense man! Pretty fast and fragile, to be honest.

If you growl at my oldest son or tell him you need more he responds very well. He has always been my "soldier." My middle son is quite a thinker. It works well to put your arm him and explain things in an engineering fashion. My youngest son is a lover. He loves playing. He loves being part of the team. He loves his teammates. He will gladly give up his position for another boy if you are nice about it.

I love my children's coaches. That says more about them than me. I love that these men spend two and a half hours with my children every afternoon. I would love my sons to be the star of the team but I am quite o.k. if they are not. All I ask, and what I have been blessed to receive, is that their coaches care about abut my boys. My oldest son's cross country coach often invites him to golf. How cool is that?

In a recent game one of my sons missed a play. His coach pulled him out. At first that made me sad. Then I saw the coach call my son over. He put his arm around him. I saw him explaining what just had happened. The very next play he sent my son out again. That was very cool. This man is 30ish. I am learning from him.

One day my boys will not run cross country, or play football, or play hockey. But they will always remember this time in their life. They will remember their coaches -- these men who sacrifice from their own families to give to my family. Could they do better than what they are doing? They are already doing more than I am doing -- that is the point! They are heroes.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Forget the playing time. Forget the position. Forget the Division 1 scholarship for a moment. Look at the people who are investing 2 and a half hours every day in the life of your child. Honor him. Think well of him. Affirm him. He is a hero in my book. Volunteer to work the chain gang. Join the booster club. Work the concession stand. Write your son's coach a letter or note. Send his children a coupon for MacDonald's or ice cream. Do something to say "thank you."

Help him up the mountain. The view is always better from there! Jeff -- learning to climb enjoying the people on the way!

Babies

I love babies. I'd have a dozen more if someone would let me. But alas, I am resigned to the three hoodlums entrusted to me and growing beyond my control and beyond my desire. It seems they will no longer be my little "babies" and the treasures I packed home with me some 16, 14, and 12 years ago. Ahhhhh, to hold them again in my arms without getting heaved to the ground in some sort of mixed martial arts combat. "I can kick your butt, Dad!" Indeed. They can kick my butt. Where does the time go -- as well as the more simple moments that came with a pacifier and a teddy bear?

When a baby is a baby it seems we are a more gentle and accepting people. There are not too many expectations placed on babies. We expect that they will soil themselves, and drool, and cry through the night. We expect it, and we accept it. We don't think little of babies for being little. But dammit. If you grow up you better live up, too. We expect it, and we will not accept it if you don't cut it.

When a child is one and learns to walk we applaud him for falling down. Gravity takes its course and we cheer. But did you see him for a moment? Did you see him right before he fell? Why, he might be a great athlete one day! But come 5, or 6, or 7, if he is not running as fast as the other kids, or racking up goals in kindergarten soccer then there is a temptation to be disappointed, isn't there. He needs to try harder.

When a child is two and says his first words we can't help but think he is faster than other children his age. Never mind complete sentences. We put the best construction on everything he says. We listen intently. We fill in the blanks. We gently interpret and correct what he says. "oh, he didn't mean to say that," we defend. But should he get a masters degree, or a doctorate, should he be a preacher, or a lawyer, or someone else who speaks for a living, then listen to the pundits filett your little darling. Do you ever wonder if Barack Obama or John McCain have mothers? I wonder what they think while they undermine each other?

Wouldn't it be great if we never grew up and into the harsh expectations of others? Wouldn't it be great if we could live forever in the sweet tranquility of unconditional mercy? Wouldn't it be great if we could be someone's baby just for a day, held fast and close in someone's arm? Better that than to have someone kick your butt.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Look at people today and envision them someone else's child. Think how much you would accept them if your expectations were not too lofty and high. Oh, this is not to say we do not encourage poeple and help them to do their best. It is to say that if they should fall just a little short, or even a long way short, you treat them no differently than you would a one year old falling on his seat, or a two year old who can't quite talk right. Speak well of people. Be very kind, very generous, very gracious. Forgive people today. Let go of differences. Listen. And always have three questions of interest for someone else. That's a begining anyway. And if we keep at it we may even find ourselves at the top.

Thank you for carrying me today. I love you very much. Jeff

Parenting 101

When it comes to parenting I am still learning.

I believe we learn parenting best when we help each other. I don't think people respond well to the burden of expectation. I don't think people do their best when you tell them they could have done better. I believe the best way to help people is to pray for them, encourage them, and come along side them. Parenting isn't easy. Don't make it harder for yourself or others.

When it comes to learning my my boys are my best instructors. I am also learning from their coaches, their teachers, and other great parents -- like you! Sometimes watching the way others love my boys reminds me of how I might love my boys. And when someone treats my boys in a way I wish they wouldn't it reminds me not to treat them that way either.

As a parent I have made some real gaffs -- the worst mistakes I have ever made and hope never to make again. This is not just false humility. This is unacceptable and never to be done again. Perhaps you can learn from me. I hope you never make these mistakes yourself, or if you have you can join me in eliminating them from your parent profile:

• I have yelled at my kids while they are playing sports -- as if that makes them feel better or even play better; it doesn't. It is wrong. I won't do it again; you don't do it either.
• I have made decisions for my children based upon what someone else might think of me or what I should do. Terrible. God alone and my wife have a say in what I do or do not do in relationship to my children. Here is a promise: I will never put a burden on you as to how you raise your children. I will pray for you and your children, encourage you and your children, and help you and your children maintain your values. But you don't have to raise your children the way I reaise mine. O.K?
• I have been angry or diappointed during or after a sporting event; I have also been disappointed with their coaches or something beyond their control. This is the worst! Children respond to your attitude and demeanor. If you are happy and pleased they will be, too. If you are not, they will not be. Lighten up. Brighten up. And enjoy the game! And love their coaches no matter what. Your children respond to authority the way you do. Don't teach them something they will regret later!
• I once yelled at my older son so loud and fiercely that his younger brother stepped in to defend him. I yelled, "Why are you defending him! He yelled at me first!" To which the younger brother hollered, "Yeah. But you're the Dad!" Lots of yelling. And you know what? He was right. I am the Dad. My boys learn from me. No more yelling.
• I have brought my sadness and disappointment with life and work home with me. Unfair. My boys get maybe an hour with me a day, sometimes less. They don't need to know I had a tough day. They need to know that they are the most important people in the world to me. They are worth more to me than the last knucklehead who tried to ruin my day.

Now, to God's glory, my children's credit, and your model, I am learning some things, too. These are simple, everyday things you can learn, tweak, adjust, and personalize for yourself. Make them excellent. Make up your own. I believe we call can change. By God's grace and to His glory we can do better. Here are some parenting moves I think that are working out pretty well for me; maybe they will work out well for you, too.

• Except in matters of right and wrong, and matters legal, ethical, and moral, I allow my children a lot of ownership in life decisions -- where they go to school, whether or not they play soccer or hockey, and whether or not they play in the band; don't sweat the little things and don't sacrifice your children to the gods of others' expectations.
• Accept your children as they are: They don't need to fulfill your unmet life ambitions. They don't need to be doctors, Ph.d.s, pro athletes and goofy things like that. There are lots of children who are great at many things and yet feel lousy about themselves. Better to be average, accepted, and absolved!
• Lighten up. Don't worry about lost fishing poles, fumbled footballs, a "C" on a test, and the like. Spend the day with someone who has lost a child and then try to sort out what you need to worry about.
• Live each day like it was the day your child was born. Remember how happy you were. Remember you had no expectations, burdens and worries. Love you kids. Tell them how awesome they are.
• Write letters to your children's teachers, coaches and people of influence -- pastors, Sunday School teachers, etc. Say good things. Say affirming things. Never critique or criticize in a letter -- ever. If you cannot say it to someone's face, don't say it at all. And better never to criticize or critique anyway. These are people who spend more time with your children then you do. They need your love, your appreciation and your support. If someone spends two hours with my boys every night after school, he is a hero to me.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Parnter up with someone. How can you help someone else be the best parent they can be? How can you pray for someone, encourage someone, and help them? I think you are doing a great, great job, and I thank YOU for helping me be a better parent today!

I love you very much. And I love my boys even more!! Jeff on the mountains!

Learning for a Living

From time to time people ask me what I do for a living. It is a fair question and a curiosity for many of us. It is one of the first questions of interest we ask each other: "What do you do." My brothers sell. My father was a factory worker. My mother was a secretary. I learn. Literally. And I love it. Learning is what I do for a living.

This morning I was invited to an area Middle School to meet with a "think tank" known as "Still Water;" catchy name, eh? We were to discuss human dynamics and character development. Its a tall topic for anyone but I was with some real thinkers.

Each of the "Still Water" participants is an accomplished educator in his and her own right. I won't bore you with degrees and citations but believe me when I say that each in this group has been around the block and back. Each has an impressive resume. Each comes from a unique background and perspective.

The topic we were given to master was RESPECT. Respect for self. Respect for others. Respect. I was invited to share my own thoughts and ideas if I wanted, but mostly I was to listen, to learn, and to live!

At one point I playfully said, "If I dropped over right now I would need one of you to put your mouth on mine and breathe life into me! Any volunteers?" There were no takers. I don't blame them, would you? Most 7th graders would not be too excited about giving me mouth to mouth. But then we shifted the life giving procedure to the word Respect. I had each of these 12 and 13 year olds put their mouths around the word Respect to breathe some life into it. Here is what they had to breathe. Here is what they had to say:

Still Water Results for 9/04/08 think tank discussion

Topic: RESPECT

• Teamwork
• Cooperation
• Tolerance
• Working together
• Treating others as you would want to be treated
• Treating people with kindness
• Caring for others
• Including others -- even if they are different
• Showing interest in others -- ask three questions of interest
• Look people in the eye
• Smile
• Listen
• Always be willing to share something of interest about yourself
• Respect for others begins with respect for yourself

Here's the mountain man challenge: Will you join me? Will you harness up with the Still Water climbers? Will you let these 12 and 13 year olds take the lead on the next steep and narrow spot in the trail? I think we all could learn -- and live! -- just a little lighter and brighter from what each of these "experts" has to teach us about Respect. Hats off to the Still Water group!

I'm loving you! Thanks for the coffee -- and see you at the top! Jeff on the mountains.