A Friend from Australia

I have a friend from Australia. In many ways we are worlds apart. And yet, we couldn't be closer either. We don't always see eye to ey, but I always love it when I see her. I love her very much.

Our worlds are as different as night and day as you can imagine. Her world is wild and rustic and untamed. Mine, by every comparison, is mediocre, midwestern, and almost plain. We are learning, slowly, to aprreciate each other's world. I would never say that we always "get it." But by listening, by honestly trying to listen, we are learning. And sometimes we even find ourselves smiling. She loves the outback. How exciting! I, on the other hand, am a simple, suburban guy. How bland.

My friend has many questions about where I live and what I think. This used to scare me. Her questions made me wonder if she just didn't agree, or if she didn't like where I was from. But you know what she is teaching me? She is teaching me that she would just like to know more about me, and what I like, and where I am from. I, on the other hand, would do well to ask similar questions. What is her world really like? What is it like to be her? How did she get to be the way she is?

My friend and I don't always speak the same language or the same way. How could we? Australia is a long way from America. Everything about her world is different than mine -- and not just the food and the water and the animals running wild. Her "world" is different. Her music is different. Her culture is different. Would I than expect her to think like me? Feel like me? Believe like me? Would her politics or economics be like mine? How could they be? We speak differently and think diferently -- but we are learning to be friends.

She doesn't dress anything like me. Never mind that she is half my age. She is someone else! She is unique. She is distinct. She doesn't have a tattoo or tongue ring -- yet! But what if someday she did? What if in her next trip the states she shows up looking different than I had seen her last? Am I ready receive her? To love her? To accept her just the way she is? I hope so. I pray so.

Friendship is an amazing thing, isn't it? The differences that at first attract us can later threaten us. Is it ever a tempation that the differences we first accept as fresh and exciting we later want to change?

Here's a mountain man challenge. Will you help me? The next time I try to change someone, gently remind me to stop. The next time I "need" to give an answer help me to listen. The next time I suggest that my life, my thoughts, my ways are better than someone else's smile at me, wink at me, and thank me -- say "Jeff, thank you for accepting me just the way I am!" I want you to take someone to lunch whom you know has different politics than you do -- and just listen. I want you to go to church with someone who goes to a different church -- and I want you to find three things you LOVE about this other person's church. I want you to do something you thought you would never do -- legal, ethical and moral, of course -- but go to a hockey game or ballet, go fly fishing or to an art museum. Go to Aurstalia if you can. But look at the world through someone else's eyes.

My friend from Australia is about the greatest person you would ever meet -- and just about as different, too! I can't wait to see her again.

I love you, Jeff

Building People

Wouldn't it be great if you built houses for a living? You could write yourself an "action plan" that had clear and measurable objectives: We build starter homes that are unique, cozy, and affordable. We will build 10 homes this year, and increase productivity by 10 percent for the next five years. We will re-invest 10% profit into the business. In five years we will add to our profile mid-priced homes that include custom design. Our goal is to build afforadable and accessible housing that is a quailty and attractive product. Houses are concrete, measurable products. It would be great to build them.

But we don't build houses. We build people. We build people who are unique, dynamic, and ever changing. We build people who are complex and come with their own variables. People have varying reactions to varying situations. No one is the same and no one comes out the same even when you invest the same attention, energy, and information. Houses are a relatively static product. People are not.

Let's say our action plan reads something like this: By God's grace and providing -- its God's doing, not ours -- Mounain Man People Builders will be

• Joyful and united in life and our approach to others
• Bold and courageous
• Child and Visitor Friendly
• Centered, Focused and Directed by God's Word and Truth
• Purposefully Outreaching -- we are always looking for the next person to meet, greet, and to invest in!

That's the plan. O.K.? Now, what's the program?

We are used to programs, aren't we? We are used to some "design." A home comes with a blueprint. Tell me the blueprint for people. Tell me the science. Tell me that when we have the right set of studies, the right set of sermons, if the leader is motivating enough, and the team is "connected enough," and when we all do the right thing the right way then everything will turn out right. Right? Probably not. We are building people. Not houses.

The temptation when people do not turn out right is to get a new "Coach" or a new "CEO" or a new "Leader" or new parents, or new whoever else we are blaming when people are not turning out right.

Forgive me, but maybe the problem is not the leader, the parent, the CEO. Maybe its you and me.

The Vision needs to stay the same. We need to keep building people. We need to keep being joyful and united. We need to keep being child and visitor friendly. We need to keep centering our life and direction from God's grace, Word, and promise. We need to keep reaching out to others. We need to keep being bold and courageous. We need to overcome our fears, inhibitions, and temptations to complain, argue, and blame others. The vision needs to stay the same.

It is "we" who need to change. You and me. Not others. No program. No plan. No blueprint. Except the program, plan, and blueprint that begins with you and me. The world changes with us. We change. We are not looking for a better community, or better church, or better anything. We are looking to be better people -- by God's grace and by His design.

It is God who is building us. It is grace that is building us. And when we fail and fall short we are forgiven and we begin again. When we are not united and joyful, when we care more about ourselves than children and strangers, when we are not courageous, when we are not rooted in God's Word, when we are not reaching out to the next soul, we are forgiven. And we are designed and planned to begin again.

Philiippians 1:6, "God is daily bringing to completion the good work He has begun in us." In other words, He is still building; still planning; still programming you and me into His perfect image.

Will you join me? We are not buildling houses. We are building people. Here's the mountain man challenge: Forget the plan and program. Take a look at people today. Smile. Show some interest. Listen. Be connected. Find children. Love unconditionally. Be bold and courageous. Do something different today. Be hopeful. Give hope to others. Hitch up with someone and help them to the top. Help someone tie a lure on their line. Take someone fishing. Go to breakfast with someone. Share your story. Ask about someone else's story. Hmmmmm. Sounds more and more like a plan to me.

I love you. I like climbing with you. Jeff on the mountains.

Sammy

She was one of those girls that didn't always fit in. I can't tell you why. She wasn't any more awkward than any other 14 year old girl wanting to fit in. But she didn't.

Maybe its a momentum thing. You know, like when everything goes right it goes right? And when everything goes wrong, well it goes wrong. That's the way it seemed for Sammy.

Sammy was an o.k. student. She struggled in pre-algebra, but not terribly. She liked English the best, and particularly writing. But whenever she had to get up to read her essays or poems she felt like no one was listening.

Sammy did make the volleyball team and that was cool. But most of the girls played together on a club team so she never really felt like part of the group. She overheard them all talking about a party that was coming up. It was clear that she wasn't invited. She didn't know how she felt about this. She didn't really like parties that much anyway. But still she wondered why she wasn't invited. Why was it that she just didn't fit in.

One day Sammy caught my attention. I can't tell you why. She just did. For whatever reason on this day I looked at this girl, pleasant enough in every way, but a girl who didn't seem to fit in. I asked the question in my heart that she must have asked herself everyday: What is the matter? Why not?

I wondered what it must be like to be so lonely, or so all alone. I wondered what it would be like to wander around the lunch room looking for an empty chair but really wanting for someone to holler, "Hey, Sammy! Come sit with us!" If it's a drag being picked last for sports teams what does it feel like when no one wants to be your lab partner in biology.

I started to wonder why a person like Sammy might be the way she is -- why she might lack confidence or that positive and healthy energy that attracts good and fun attention? Why doesn't Sammy fit in? Is she ill in some way? Did something bad happen in her life to steal her joy? Were her parents divorced or having troubles? Had she been abused somehow? Does her dad have one of those jobs where people say bad things about him? Did her family lose their house in a fire or something like that? Why?

Then something else came to me: Maybe it doesn't matter "why" Sammy is the way she is. Who cares why Sammy is the way she is. What really matters is that Sammy, just like me and everyone else I know, would like to fit in; to have friends; to be included. I wondered what it would be like if I, or anyone, just walked up to her and said, "Hey, Sammy. Join us for lunch?" Or "Hey, Sammy, how was your week-end?" Or "Hey, Sammy, a bunch of us are studying history together and then going out for some ice cream. Come along?" Or "Hey, Sammy, I really like your outfit today, or your new hair style, or whatever."

And so I would! I would walk right up to Sammy and invite her to join us for lunch -- the next day! I even talked to some friends about it. They agreed that would be a cool thing to do. They also agreed they had wondered, too, about Sammy and why she didn't fit in. Tomorrow was the day.

But tomorow never came. Sammy moved away. I don't know where she moved. I don't know what she is doing. I hope wherever she went she is happy and that she fit ins. I hope she married and has great children. I hope she is a part of a church where she is always welcome. Greater than great sermons, and great hymns and great prayers, I pray that every week when she walks in someone walks up and says, "Sammy, how's your week? What's going on? Sit with me today?"

I am sorry, Sammy. I am sorry it took so long to notice. It is a small consolation, but I am trying to learn. I am trying to open my eyes. I am trying to open my heart. I am trying see people just the way they are. I fail. Maybe if you are reading this, and you know me, you would say I am failing you. But I would like to learn; I would like to do better.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Will you join me. Let's look for people today. All people. Let's step into people's lives. Always have a question or two of interest for people you meet. Ask people their names. And if you forget, ask again. Look people in the eye. Smile. Include people in what you are doing. Give people the opportunity to say "No thank you." But never leave people wondering, "I wonder why I wasn't invited."

Thank you for climbing with me. I am safer knowing you are with me. When I fall you are there to catch me. I also enjoy your company. Jeff on the mountains.

The Stillwater Project: Responsibility

The Stillwater Project met this last week. The Stillwater Project is a monthly "think tank" of character specialists. We meet at an area middle school to discuss and foster character qualities in youth. I am privileged to meet with this esteemed group.

This month the Stillwater Project met to discuss Responsibility. Responsibility is a tall topic for anyone, let alone twenty-five 12 and 13 year olds.

The project began with everyone getting a gummy finger puppet. Sounds simple enough, right? If not even "silly?" But when discussing responsibility its nice to begin with a hands on project. Do you know that without giving much direction a classroom of 12 and 13 will make sure that everyone gets "one." I like that. While many may sometimes ask "am I my brother's keeper," the Stillwater Group is here to say "yes." When we are responsible for each other in little matters like gummy finger puppets then we are more apt to be responsible for each other in larger projects.

Next everyone got a golf ball. A golf ball is a simple object with a lasting image: What is Tiger Woods' favorite golf club? His driver? His irons? His putter? Ask Tiger and he will tell you. They are all his favorite club. Each club has its own purpose, its own responsibility. Similarly each child in the class, each member of the community, the checker at the grocery store, and the waitress at the breakfast diner. Each has a purpose and responsibility and we are all responsible for each other. We are our brother's keeper. We are our sister's keeper. We take care of each other.

We role played. We played "What's My Line?" I even tried to sing a duet with one young lady. She wouldn't do it. Still, the Stillwater Group did all they could to learn, dialogue, and unravel the best understanding of what Responsibility means. Here is a working list of meanings they came up with:

The Stillwater Project:

Responsibility

• Do your work
• Work as a team
• Work together
• Patience
• Kindness
• Include others
• Don't leave anyone out
• Do your best
• Don't be afraid to fail
• Take care of others
• Try harder

There you have it: The Stillwater Project working results for the character trait of Responsibility. What might you add to the list? How might you put this learning from a group of 12 and 13 year olds into action? What can we learn from them, and how can we prosper from their Responsible contribution to you and me?

Here's the mountain man challenge: Let's let this group take the lead for a while. Hitch into their rope. Let them mount the next run. Let them lead us to the top. And let's you and me enjoy the view of a world made better by them!

I love you. Thanks for letting me climb with you! Jeff on the mountains.