The Stillwater Project: Trustworthy

A Boyscout is Trustworthy and True

The Stillwater Project met today to discuss the character trait Trustworthy. The Stillwater Project is a group of 30 thirteen year olds who meet monthly to foster positive character traits in each other and then share them with the community around them. The Stillwater Project is a lively, earnest group determined to make a difference in the world one person at a time. They have learned there are no short cuts in life. If someone is going to be better it will happen only one way: by investing positive energy and encouragement in them.

The Stillwater Project define Trustworthy in the following ways:

• Dependable
• Reliable
• Honest
• Forgiving
• loyal
• faithful
• kind

The Stillwater Project then broke into teams of two and did some short skits that illustrate trustworthy qualities. The teams did an excellent job of speaking up and looking their audience in the eye.

The skits depicted various circumstances calling upon qualities of trustworthiness. There was skit in which one student pledged to help another with homework. There was a skit in which a couple of friends discussed how long they should wait for a friend who was late to an appointment. There was a skit in which one friend told another friend a secret and the friend was then in a position to "keep the confidence of the other." Each skit was then followed with open, honest discussion. It was humbling to be in the presence of such honest candor. 13 year olds know what it means to be trustworthy. Perhaps the rest of us can learn, too.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's rope up with a 13 year old and let them pack our pack. Don't take anything for the journey that isn't necessary. Don't bring anxiety, anger or worry. Don't bring impatience and intolerance. Bring some trustworthiness. Be a team player. Be dependable. Be reliable. Be kind. Be forgiving. Work together to get to the top of the mountain safely, together, and having fun.

Thanks for climbing. It is always a rush!

Jeff on the mountains.

On Forgiveness

On Sunday a bomb went off at church. It was not the usual bomb -- you know, someone you don't like, the choir singing terribly, a horrible sermon, or all of the other unforgivables that wreck our day and make us ask why we go to church at all. No, it was an actual bomb.

A young adult group was making pancakes for the new member reception. Someone had forgotten an aerosol can of PAM on a hot griddle. It exploded and blew a hole in a stainless steel refrigerator. In a miraculous way it missed everyone standing in the crowded kitchen. If it had hit someone we can only presume it would have killed them -- afterall, the refrigerator is in pretty rough shape. It was a real mistake. It was a real blunder. But you know what? No one was killed. God's hand was on us. God was there. Forgiveness.

Every day bombs go off all around us. Like the aerosol can of PAM left on the burner people make mistakes. They forget things. They say things they shouldn't. They do things they shouldn't. It makes a mess like a hole blown through a stainless steel door. These are blunders and gaffs that rub you the wrong way, get under your skin, annoy you, frustrate you, and even anger you. In most instances, no one is killed. God's hand is on us. God is there. Forgiveness.

Good Friday long ago a bomb went off. An angry Jewish mob sold Jesus over to an unsympathetic Roman guard. People lied about Jesus. They hit him. They slapped him. They spit on him. The actions were deliberate. You couldn't say they were accidents or mistakes. You might say the people didn't know what they were doing. I wish I could say no one was killed, but someone was: Jesus was killed. Gruesome nails blew holes right through Jesus' flesh. A spear blew a hole through His side. Rejection and disdain blew a hole through His soul. Yet God's hand was upon Jesus. God was there. Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the chief work of God in the lives of His people. Forgiveness is the miracle God uses to mend relationships. Forgiveness is God's way of healing the hurts caused by mistakes, gaffs, and blunders. God puts His hand upon us. God is there. God forgives.

Forgiveness is also the treasure God gives to you and me to share with each other. Forgiveness is something we cannot do on our own. Forgiveness is the one thing God commands us to do by His grace: "Forgive as you have been forgiven."

Forgiveness takes place when God's hand is on us. Forgiveness is where we learn to keep life and circumstances in perspective. Forgiveness is where we learn to say, "Thank God no one was killed." Blunders abound and mistakes mess things up. But no one was killed. God's hand was upon us. God is with us. Forgiveness.

What are some things that get in the way of our forgiveness? What throws our circumstances out of perspective and what takes our eyes off of God's forgiveness of us and His command for us to forgive?

• An over personalization of the offense. For instance, the bomb at church was terrible mistake wrought with many human errors. But no one intended for it to happen. This does not justify the event. But it keeps it in perspective. Often times the things that offend us were never intended to offend. Again, this does not justify the matter but it does keep it in perspective. Sometimes people, their manners, and mannerisms are more a matter of who they are, their generation, and their culture. We need to lighten up.
• Escalation: This is where the given offense is escalated. The offense is given negative energy and attention. This most often happens when we dwell on the matter. It is amplified when we talk to others about it again and again.
• A pre-occupation with self: Ultimately, a lack of forgiveness is born in an angry, jealous and envious heart. Unforgiveness takes place when we see ourselves as victims or those who have been done wrong. Unforgiveness happens when we are consumed with how we have been treated unjustly and unfairly, or when we feel out of control of a situation.

So, what might be helpful in learning to forgive? How might we work together? How might we partner together? How might we "high five," cheer, and encourage each other towards a deeper understanding of God's gift to us and our gift to each other?

• You must know Jesus. True forgiveness can only take place in the knowledge and certainty of what God has done for you. You must know again that through the perfect life, death and resurrection of Jesus you are forgiven. This is God's free gift to you and to all people. Through God's forgiveness your failings, gaffs, blunders, honest mistakes, and even malicious offenses are washed away.
• You must know yourself forgiven. You must quietly, humbly, and graciously look in the mirror of God's grace and say, "No one was killed." God's hand is upon you. God is with you. You are forgiven. God keeps no records of wrongs. God is not shocked or bothered by you. God wants to be close to you and His forgiveness removes all that separates you from Him.
• You must know God commands and expects your forgiveness. This may be tough to hear. If you expect your child to do his homework and he mows the lawn instead you will not be completely pleased. There are many things that are done in churches and among God's people. They are all fine and good. But what God most wants of you and me is for us to embrace in faith the forgiveness and peace He gives through the death of His son. God expects our forgiveness. He expects us to look more to Him than to the offense of others. He expects us to take hold of Him and let go of the things that offend. You might say, "No one was killed. God's hand is on me. God is with me." Forgiveness.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's rope up together. Let's help each other. Forgiving others is tougher than climbing a mountain. But forgiveness is made possible in the graces of God and when we work together. Forgiveness takes good communication. It takes practice. It takes effort. Perhaps our greatest forgiveness is for those who are unforgiving. But if our goal is to reach the summit together -- and to leave no one behind -- we may have to leave ourselves and our pride behind. We look at people in their hurt. We look at people in the complexities of their lives. We walk a mile in another person's shoes. We look at life from another point of view: God's hand is upon us. God is with us. We are forgiven.

Thanks for teaching me. Thanks for climbing with me.

Jeff

The Stillwater Project: Self - Discipline

The Stillwater Project met this morning. The Stillwater Project meets the first Thursday of every month to discuss character traits and how to foster them in ourselves and others. The Stillwater Project is made up of sharp minds tempered in the school of reality. The Stillwater Project is 25 thirteen year olds --each with his and her own observations of life and its circumstances. I am learning it is better to listen than to postulate with sterile theory. Like climbing a mountain, it is better to let the stronger and the more able take the lead. Our task today was the character trait of self-discipline. I was there to learn and to let them get me to the top of the mountain.

What I learned is that self discipline is very closely related to self control --and not so related to punishment at all. Self -discipline includes training, hard work, and being able to say "no" to oneself. Self - discipline has to do with the choices that one makes before actions are taken. Punishment, on the other hand, is a negative response to a bad choice or behavior. If I break a rule, if I am not "disciplined," than there may be consequences that include punishment -- like being grounded, for instance.

Athletes, musicians, and those who are involved in school activities and clubs all know something about self - discipline. Each of these activities require boundaries and rules. Volleyball without rules would be chaos. Music without rules would be nothing but noise. Student council without rules would get nothing done. Self - discipline works well with other learned character traits of responsibility, caring, and courtesy.

Self - discipline governs our actions in relationship to our emotions. If I am self - disciplined, if I am in control of myself, than I am less likely to react and respond to the circumstances around me in negative ways -- even if my feelings are hurt or if something does not go my way. When I am self - disciplined I am in control of myself, my actions, and my emotions. This is not to say that I do not have feelings. It is to say that that my choices are governed by my self - discipline and not my emotions.

We read a story called "The Martyrdom of Andy Drake." It is a sad story and all too true about a boy in fifth grade who does not fit it. He is different than the other boys. Andy tries desparately to follow the rules of acceptance but he is not accepted. He is made fun. His family is made fun of. The narrator of the story finds himself caught up in the momentum of the negative treatment towards Andy. He knows it is wrong. He doesn't feel good about it. But he is not self - disciplined. He cannot say "no" to himself or to the crowd. In effect, he and the crowd say "no" to Andy. Until Andy just disappears. He drops out of school. Andy is punished for the lack of self-discipline of those around him.

A hearty discussion followed. There are many reasons a person may not fit in: Their looks or their race; their personality and how "cool" they are or are not; their economic status and the clothes they wear; how good they are perceived at sports, music, or schooling; and sometimes merely the arbitrary choosing of the crowd. The Stillwater Project acknowledged that it is a tempting momentum to follow. Many in the class acknowledged that they had been part of shunning others. Shunning others is the result of not being in control of our selves and our relationshiop to the crowd. Shunning others is the result of saying "no" to others and not ourselves.

We discussed how each of us, in control of ourselves, could do our part to reach out to others and do what we could to make others welcome and a part of the group. We discussed how each of us in control of ourselves could make someone else's day better and brighter. We discussed ways we call could practice this. It takes hard work; it takes practice; it takes self - discipline.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Take the lead from a 13 year old. Stop trying to control the world around you and others, too. Start trying to control you. Practice your own good discipline. It takes hard work and practice. It may even mean saying "no" to yourself, and at the same time saying "yes" to people around you. Go out of your way to help someone else fit in. Reach out to someone you don't usually talk with - someone at church; someone you work with; someone at the gymn or golf course you hang out at. Invite someone to join you in your pew or for lunch. Don't resign yourself to your own "shynesss." That's merely a lack of control, isn't it. Say "no" to you and "yes" to someone else.

See you on the mountain. You make my world a little brighter. Jeff

The Art of Cheering

To Ashley and other cheerleaders -- past, present, actual, and otherwise -- who tirelessly smile, encourage, and say positive things against the longest odds and sometimes against the meanest conditions.

You make a difference.

In my junior year of high school the coach asked me to wrestle up a weight class. It was an honor, of sorts. It was his way of saying, "We need you. Can you do it?" But you must remember that most wrestlers have dieted down 15 or 20 pounds to begin with. Even if I weighed within ten pounds of my opponent, he would more likely be 30 pounds bigger than me on any other day.

Sure enough. When time for weigh in rolled around I stood on the scales and looked a bit scrawny and anemic next to the beast who stepped on the scales after me. My opponent, Marty Stevens, played linebacker at 195 pounds. What was he doing here at 168? He went on to win the state championship 2 months later. Suffice it to say my own season did not go that far.

The match began with the shrill of the referee's whistle and for six eternal minutes Marty Stevens mopped up the mat with me. You need to know that I was a pretty fair wrestler. What, you think I protest too much? But fair or not, I was far from the caliber that Marty was that day.

I would like to say that I gave Marty more of a match than much of his competition that year. But since he beat me 13 - 1 its hard to say I gave him too much of a fight. It was a brutal match of which my coach would later say, "You learn more from defeat than from victory." Yeah. So I must be 10 times smarter than Marty Stevens, right?

After the match I threw my headgear in disgust and went and sat by myself. There's nothing like a good pity party to make you feel better. I was doing a pretty good job wallowing in my own self loathing until Lisa Niemeyer came bouncing over. "Jeff, you were great!" She gleamed.

Oh, gag me! Was she smoking dope? Was she on some kind of mind altering drug? What match had she been watching? I just got my butt kicked 13-1 and she's telling me I did great? Was she talking about how good I looked in tights? My ability to hold my breath? The fact that Marty couldn't pin me? What exactly was she talking about when she said, "Jeff, you did great"?

Lisa was a cheerleader, all 5 feet, two inches of her. She was incurably, indellibly, even obnoxiously cute: Ear to ear smile; deep blue eyes; and cheery -- very, very cheery. Even as I sneered at her she kept smiling. "I thought you were going to win!" She said. "Win what? The lottery?"

I don't know how the rest of the conversation went. I remember her sitting down next to me. I remember thinking that was pretty cool. And somewhere in those few adolescent moments with someone kind of nice I didn't feel quite so bad anymore. Lisa took the time to smile. To listen.

I think sometimes cheerleaders, and people like them, get a bum rap for being positive and encouraging against long odds and mean conditions. I had just got my butt kicked. What should she have said, "You suck"?

Truth is, we live in a world that says "you suck" even when you are pretty good. We criticize teachers and coaches, pastors and doctors, and the minimum wage waitress at the local Applebee's. You can be a pretty good student, a pretty good athlete, or a pretty good this or that and still feel pretty lousy at the hands and comments of many you meet today. Somehow some have been led to believe that we are being "critical thinkers" by being critical.

I don't think so. I think it takes a creative, engaging, and energizing thinker to be positive and encouraging in the midst of trying and difficult times. I think it is courageous to smile when others don't. I think it is hard to be hopeful in the midst of unhappy people. And I am grateful when people are. I am glad Lisa weathered the storm. I am glad she endured my pouty disposition. I am glad she said, "You did great" against a greater opponent. I wrestled the state champion and scored a point. She stepped up and as much as said, "I am proud of you." Lisa is the champion.

I have a friend who was a cheerleader in high school -- and still is today. Oh, she doesn't do cartwheels and handsprings anymore; I don't think, anyway. But when she meets you she smiles. She asks how you are doing. She shows interest. She is positive and encouraging in a world that isn't always that way. She is hopeful when others are hurting. She is a cheerleader. And I think she is great (If you are reading this you can smile!).

Here's a mountain man challenge. Are you up to it? Iron your pleats and fluff up your pom poms. It's easy to cheer when the team is winning. Let's hear you cheer when the team is losing. It's easy to cheer for a champion. Let's hear you cheer for everyone else, too. It's easy to smile when everything is great. How can you, by your smile, help someone feel better than they do?

I love you. See you on the mountains. Jeff

The Mountains Called

The mountains called and I answered. I was whisked to the top with 12 others making a team of 13. Two of the team were two of my boys and mountain mates -- Clayton and Aaron (l - r in the picture). The mountains were beautiful beyond words. They were glorious beyond imagination. It was good to be there on the mountains.

It was the annual "youth group" ski trip. We planned. We packed. We prepared. We traveled. We shopped. We unpacked. We made food for each other. We cleaned up after each other. We all had chores. We laughed. We talked. We played games. We listened. We read scripture. We prayed. We composed a worship service with God and each other in mind. We worshipped. We were all a little different, and yet we were together for some very similar purposes. Oh, did I say we also skied?" It was awesome beyond words.

I skied a fair amount in my youth. I used to think I was "somebody." But what could be better than seeing each of these young people pass me by? When my own boys left me in the dust I was happy to say, "You boys go ahead; I'll be o.k." The mountain belonged to them. The mantle was passed. They were now the "ski dog" I used to be. Like someone stepping out of the light, it is time for me to retire and let the young ones enjoy what rightfully belongs to them. I have had my turn on the mountain.

Isn't it great to see someone learn something new, master something hard, bond together, and try new things? Isn't it grand to see one of them fall and see someone else pull them to their feet? What is better than to hear one of them say, "Would you help me?" Or, hear another say, "You can do it"? Affirmation is just another word for Absolution: You are forgiven. You are graced. You belong.

Skiing is not easy. Neither is being united. You have to work a bit at each.

The Psalmist says in Psalm 90, "Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or your brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting, you are God."

We love the mountains. But our dwelling place is God. More beautiful and more glorious than the creation is the Creator Himself. And the One who made the mountains? He made you and me, too. Before the mountains were born, before you and I were born, there was God molding and shaping us to be as He would have "us" to be.

We sometimes hear people speak of a "personal and intimate" relationship with God. There might be something to that. But what about the corporate relationship? What about the Body arranged and molded together just as God would have us to be? What about the people of God bound together int he mercies and graces of Jesus, His blood making us "one" in spite of lesser differences? It would not be much fun skiing by yourself. It wouldn't be much fun being a church by oneself, either.

What was most impressive about the mountain we skied is that it was set in a mountain range: It was not one mountain, but many. On top of the chair lift you could see mountain after mountain after mountain each molded and shaped by God. From the same chair lift you could also see people -- as far as the eye could see. Were they also "molded" together by God? In spite of their differences? In spite of what they do not hold in common each is held in common in the palm of God's hand. That is beautiful beyond words. That is glorious beyond imagination.

Isaiah 64:8 says, "But you, O Lord, are the potter and we are the clay; we are the handiwork of your hands." What strikes you here?

God does not mold us individually. God does not so much make me as He makes "us." "We" are His workmanship. God molds "us" together. He shapes 13 and 30; 300 and 3,000; and so on. He makes us in His image, the Triune God: Three distinct persons in one glorious Deity. What is better than to hear "us" say: "Will you help me?" and "May I help you?" To hear each other say, "Let's do this together." "I love you." "Thank you." And "I'm sorry." What is better than stepping out of the light so someone else can see and allowing the "young ones" to have their turn?

Here is a mountain man challenge: Let's go ski together, or do something together. Let's pack and prepare; let's work and play; let's listen, love and laugh; let's each have our chores. Let's read some Scripture together and pray together. Let's each take our turn, and give a turn to the next. However different we may sometimes be we are molded together for a very common purpose: God's beauty and God's glory.

The mountains called and so I answered.....God is calling, too.....Jeff

As Iron Sharpens Iron

Iron Men are Men of God. Iron men are not men of the world or men of themselves. They are not wimps and whiners and complainers. Iron men are courageous. Iron men are bold. Iron men are strong – or at least growing that way. Iron men are more than victorious through Christ, Romans 8:37, and able to do all things through Him who gives them strength, Philippians 4:13. Iron men are men of God. Perhaps there are iron ladies, too, who are ladies of God. Let me know!

Men of God are men of Christ. By Christ you are forgiven -- and forgiving. You are washed. The blood of Jesus, God’s son, cleanses you from all sin, 1 John 1:7. Say that until you believe it. And say it until others believe it, too. No sense pointing out failings and faults. We know without Christ we can only fail and fall. If you want someone not to fail or fall it makes more sense to tell them about Christ and His blood: The Blood of Jesus Christ, God’s Son, cleanses you from all sin. You are no longer a slave. You are no longer a victim. You are no longer the subject of someone else’s failing. You are now the subject of God’s forgiveness. You are now the benefactor of faith. You are men of Christ. You are therefore men of God. Men of God are Iron men.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” I am almost certain that the same holds for iron ladies, too. Check it out and let me know.

The Proverbs are God’s Words of wisdom to you and me. God’s wisdom is not like man’s wisdom, or ladies' wisdom, or the world’s wisdom. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge God and He will direct your path.” God’s wisdom is not a matter of what you know and think. God’s wisdom is not a matter of your opinion, your preference, and your tastes. Isaiah 55 says, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so also are my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

Too many men talk about what they think. Too many men talk about what they know. Too many men talk about their interests and tastes and desires. Ladies might do this, too, though I don't know first hand. What do you say, ladies? Do ladies sometimes talk a lot about nothing?

Men of God talk about God’s thoughts. Men of God talk about the wisdom that comes from on high. Men of God talk about God’s ways. Men of God talk about God’s desires. Men of God talk about what pleases God. That doesn't mean a Bible verse and a sermon all the time. It does mean saying bright, hopeful, positive, encouraging, and forgiving things. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Say only those things that edify and build up others..." Have I told you lately that I love you?

Iron men build up others. Iron men are productive and constructive. Let's remember our chemistry, shall we?

FE is the chemical symbol for Iron. Don't ask me why or what it stands for -- It could mean Faithful and Excellent for all I know. But if you will look up your periodic table or consult a local Chemistry Professor -- Dr. Petrich, if you now him -- they will tell you FE is the chemical symbol of Iron.

Now here's some things you may not have known:

Did you know that iron is the most common and most used of all metals? Iron makes up 95% of all the world’s metal production. Iron, then, is useful. It is productive. It is valuable. Iron makes things. Iron is constructive. It is a positive force. Iron doesn't just sit around doing nothing. From cast iron skillets to the St. Louis arch iron is everywhere. It is the backbone, fabric and foundation of our world.

That is the kind of men we can be as men of God. Men of God are iron men. We are common. We are useful. We are productive and valuable. We make things. We do things. We don’t just sit around. We are the fabric and foundation of a godly society. We are iron men.

Did you also know that iron is one of the softest of all metals. Huh. That’s interesting. So iron is strong and able. It is also soft and pliable. Iron can be molded and shaped. It is not boorish. It it is not resistent. It is not unbending and unchanging.

Ezekiel 36:26, “I will give you a new heart and I will put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and to be careful to keep my laws….. I will be your God and you will be my people….”

That is the heart of an iron man: A man that knows God. A man that is soft and pliable to God’s ways. A man who can be molded and shaped, who is not rigid and made of stone. A man who is humble, confessing of sin, and growing stronger.

As iron sharpens iron, the Proverbs say, so one man sharpens another.

Iron men are molded and shaped by God into His image. Iron ladies, too, I presume. This molding and shaping is God's doing. He designs that we would be together. United in Him. Having equal concern for each other where there is no division. Iron that rejoices when other iron rejoices; and iron that weeps when other iron weeps. 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, look it up for yourself.

Iron men are not wimps. They are not whiners. They are not complainers. Philippians 2:14, says, “Do everything without arguing or complaining.” There is an iron man challenge: No argument or complaint, afterall God is in control and we have learned to be content in Him.

Do you remember the context for Paul's writing to Philippi? Among other things, two ladies are arguing and complaining; sorry ladies, its true; and its a downer for the whole gang. In Philippians 4:2-3 Paul says, “I plead with Euodia and I plead with Synteche to agree with each other in the Lord. Yes, I ask the rest of you, too, to help these women." There is an iron man, and an iron lady: Help each other; encourage each other. As iron sharpens iron...well, you get it.

Iron men make each other better. Who are some iron men in your life? Here are some iron men in my life: Hal and Carl; Derieck and Alex; John and JP; Mel, Mike, Linus, and Kris; Clayton, Aaron, and Jason; Dr. Petrich and Dr. Pearce; Tracy, Ron and Ron; Mike L., JD, Tony, Scott S., David, and Gary; Marty, Greg, Doug, Bruce; and my Dad! These are just a few -- and not even to mention the iron ladies! Iron men make men better; sharper; finer. These men make me better. Thanks, guys!

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “We need the iron qualities that go with true manhood. We need the positive virtues of resolution, of courage, of indomitable will, of power to do without shrinking the rough work that must always be done.”

Aesop, world philosopher and man of wisdom once wrote, “It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.” Bravery and courage are not spectator events. Bravery and courage insist on entering the race, jumping into the trenches, and coming along side of another.

Jesus kept no distance. Jesus was made of iron. He was strong and able. He was also soft and pliable. He was molded and shaped to the needs of people. He stepped out of heaven for you and me. He sharpens us. He forgives us. He molds us. He makes us better. He makes us finer. He refines us – sometimes with challenges and difficulties, but He smelts out all the impurities in the refiner’s fire. He makes us clean, holy, productive and constructive.

Jesus keeps no distance. He steps into our lives. He steps into fire itself. Jesus is an iron man. And He makes us iron, too. Iron men; Iron ladies.

Here is a moutnain man challenge: Cut the distance. Step into a person's life. Call someone on the phone. Write them a card or letter or email. Forgive someone. Reconcile. Take someone to lunch. Invest in a child. Pray. Be positive and hopeful. Go out of your way to make one person's day better.

I love you very much. Jeff

The Stillwater Project: Courtesy

The Stillwater Project is a monthly meeting of sharp and innovative thinkers. They gather to discuss changing times and culture. Their focus is fostering character qualities that change the world. Today's project was courtesy.

The Stillwater Project is a group of 25 thirteen year olds. They don't busy themselves with idle theory and the way things "might" be. The Stillwater Project speaks in absolutes and the way things are. The Stillwater Project tells it like it is. It is worth listening to.

The Stillwater Project has been meeting for 6 months now. They have discussed Respect, Responsibility, Honesty, Caring, Attitude, and now Courtesy. The Stillwater Project asserts that these characteristics are first cousins of each other. Each character trait tempers and shapes the next. What they mean is that Honesty means little if it is not tempered with a Caring heart; Respect means little if it is not shaped by a Courteous spirit.

Asked what Courtesy means to them, the Stillwater Project sited all the character traits discussed to date and added some others too. Here are the results:

The Stillwater Project:

Courtesy

• Respectful
• Honest
• Caring
• Responsible
• Kind
• Polite
• Listen more than talk
• Thoughtful
• Putting the needs of others before one's own
• Being Generous
• Giving
• Looking people in the eye

The Stillwater Project then put the term to the test by roll playing. Two of the group staged a dialogue while a third joined the group. The third was friendly and engaging, but the two ignored her. Then, in the scripted scenario, one in the group responded to a cell phone call and ignored the other two. The Stillwater Project then assessed the circmstance with the following suggestions of courtesy:

• Make others welcome
• Smile and engage newcomers
• In most situations, do not receive cell phone calls or text messaging when you are talking with others, in class, or at a dinner table (it was noted that there may be exceptions to this rule especially if you are expecting an important call from your parents, etc.)

The Stillwater Project concluded with some light and spirited banter. Ultimately, being courteous is putting the Golden Rule into Practice: Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Rope up with a 13 year old and take a walk on the wild side. Step into life and the real world. Don't talk about the way things used to be. Find out how they really are. If someone has a tongue ring, ask to see it. If someone has a tattoo, tell them how nice it looks. Show some interest in others. Not everyone is the captain of the football team or a straight A student. Find out about people. Listen more than talk. Look people in the eye.

See you on the Mountain. Jeff

Lost and Found

Dedicated to those you love who are sometimes lost and hard to find.

Being lost is a hopeless feeling. You don't have to be deeply lost or lost for a long time before you wonder if you will be found. A small child just one aisle over from his mother in a grocery store will scream in panic. In the 1996 tragedy on Mt. Everestt some of those who perished were found within a stone's throw from shelter. Being lost is a hopeless feeling.

When you are lost it doesn't matter how you got lost. It doesn't matter if the error belongs to you, or someone else, or the conditions around you. When you are lost all that matters is the heroic efforts of those who search to find you.

Like those lost in the woods or on a mountain or in a grocery store are the lost souls around us. These are dear people who lose their way. They become separated from hope, direction, and those who love them.

These lost souls can be overlooked by those around them. They can go unnoticed by the best of churches, pastors, and people. They can go unnoticed by faithful and caring employers and workmates. They can go unnoticed at the local pub and the local gym. They can go unnoticed at school. Has anyone seen Jim? No, not in a while....

The lost may continue to function for a while. Even someone stranded on a mountain can survive. But in time and panic a person can make unhealthy choices. Crying out to be found a person can step right over the edge. Some simply "check out." John Krakauer's book "Into the Wild" tells the true story of a disallusioned young man who perishes in his self-absorbed pondering.

In the end it doesn't matter how a person becomes lost. All that matters is the heroic efforts of a person like you to find the soul who needs to be found.

You, dear friend, are a good shepherd. You search for lost sheep. You are relentless. You are persistent. You search until you find. The question for you is not how a person got lost. The question for you is how you will find him; how you will reach him; how you will invest in his soul. The question for you is how will you see him better, hear him better, and sense him better. No one will go unnoticed on your watch.

Let's rope up together, you and me. Let's rope up and search for those who are lost. It doesn't matter how they got lost. What matters is how we, together, will find the lost and help them back into a warm and caring community. Write someone a letter of encouragement and hope. Call someone on the phone and let them know you are thinking of them. Give someone an unexpected gift. Pray. Say kind and good things about others. Invite people to join you. Never let people sit alone -- unless they want to. Listen. Smile. Dry a tear. Put away your watch and take some time.

I am found when I am with you.

Jeff on the mountains.

Climbing Higher

Climbing a mountain is no easy fete. It is not for the weak of heart of the ill prepared. Climbing a mountain is all uphill. It is fraught with obstacles and adverse conditions. The unexpected is around every corner. More people stop and turn around than those who ever reach the summit.

Life is not so easy either. Life, like climbing a mountain, is not for the weak of heart of the ill prepared. There are obstacles and adverse conditions. There are unexpected events and circumstances every day. There are times when you simply must sit down; take a rest; and call out for help. Its o.k. if you take a breather or turn back. That's called being wise on a mountain. No sense taking unnecessary risks. There is no shame in knowing your limitations. Stay roped together. Climb with those who are wise and prudent. Be prepared to catch those who stumble or fall.

Abraham had to climb a mountain. I am speaking Abraham the father of many nations and fellow patriarch with Isaac and Jacob. In old age God blessed Abraham and his wife, Sarah, with a son, Isaac. Then, when Isaac is entering manhood, God tells Abraham to take his son Isaac to the top of a mountain and sacrifice him there. There's a thankless climb.

But Abraham trusted God. Today, leadership is based upon the vision of the one leading. Leadership is knowing what you are doing and where you are going. But Abraham didn't know what he was doing. He may not even have known where he was going. But Abraham trusted God. No complaint about the task ahead or the climb at hand. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Better than knowing what you are doing or where you are going is trusting that God does.

On the way up the mountain Isaac asks the obvious: Father, the fire and the knife are here; but where is the lamb for sacrifice? Ah, sweet innocence. It is always easier to sacrifice someone else's lamb, isn't it? But when it is your own lamb, or your own pride, or your own way, or your own direction, then sacrifice gets difficult. God will provide, Abraham replied. Somehow, someway, God will provide.

When Abraham and Isaac got to the top God said, "Abraham, do not harm the boy." When Abraham looked up he saw a ram stuck in a thicket and available for sacrifice. God had provided. There's a view from the summit: God is in control. God provides. Always.

You are not alone on the mountain. Jesus, the Lamb of God, climbed Calvary for you and me and with each of us, our needs, and our hurts heaped upon His back. Plenty of obstacle. Plenty of adversity. He could have turned back. But He didn't. There on the top of the mountain God sacrificed His only Son, His pride, His Joy and His delight for all. In that perfect moment God reconciled the world to Himself. If you stumble or fall, Jesus is there to pick you up.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Trust God. Give Him the lead. Let Him take hold of you. And when climbing with others, give them lots of slack. We're not here to point out when people stumble and fall. We're are here to help them to their feet. Be positive. Be hopeful. Be an encourager. Climbing mountains is hard wor. So is life. Help each other to the top.

I love you. Jeff

Iron Men

Greek mythology recounts the story of Atlas holding up the world. What would it look like if daily we were holding up each other? Can you see yourself carrying the burdens of a weaker brother or sister? Can you see yourself listening more and talking less? When someone stumbles or falls -- or completely blunders! -- can you see yourself coming along side with mercy and forgiveness?

Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." It is a beautiful image of a similar truth, "Two are better than one for in them is a greater return for their work." It doesn't really matter how well any of us can do it alone. We are designed to do it together. As iron sharpens iron, we sharpen each other. We make each other stronger; more hopeful; more able. We do it in an environment of mercy and encouragment. When one stumbles the other is there to pick him up. When one is cold the other is there to provide warmth and protection.

The greatest joys of another are our joys. And they can be simple joys, too. They can be trivial joys. We are happy for you. We are not jealous or envious. If you get a new car, or new home, we are happy for you. If your son or daughter or grandchild makes the team, we are happy for you. Hey, if you get a tattoo or navel piercing, we want to see it! We are not looking or expecting anyone else to be any better than what we are at our worst. We all want to fit in and be accepted.

And the greatest sorrows of another belong to us, too. No matter how big or how small. We are not here to tell you to get over it or to get through it. One day or a thousand, if you are hurting we are hurting with you. We want to listen. We want to walk with you. We want to hold you up.

Isaiah 64:8 says, "But you, O Lord, you are the potter. We are the clay. We are the work of your hands." Notice the object of God's shaping: We are. God is molding "us" together. He does not mold us into individuals. He molds us into a community in His image. As the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are One, so are we. We are one, the work of God's hands.

From time to time we are going to fail. We are going to drop the ball. We are going to drop you. We are going to drop each other. Make no excuse. Don't bother defending yourself. Humbly say, "I am sorry." Ask for forgiveness. We are here to carry you, too. It happens. To all of us. We live in a community of hope. A community of mercy. A community of peace. We sharpen each other. We hold each other up. We are here to make people feel better about themselves and closer to each other.

Here is a mountain man challenge. Will you join me? Call someone on the phone and see how they are doing. Don't be nosy. Don't pry. But ask how things are going. Ask about their family. Ask about work. Listen. Drop a note in the mail. Tell someone you are thinking of them. Try new language. Say "I love you," and mean it. Say "I am thinking of you" and do. And if by circumstance you have dropped the ball, maybe you have hurt someone you love, go see them face to face. No email. Not even a phone call -- except to make a date. Go see them. It might be hard. You might have to humble yourself. But cross the bridge. Allow the other person to share his or her hurts. Make no excuse. Don't explain yourself unless they ask you to. Then look them in the eye. Say "I have hurt you. And you are somone I love. I am sorry. Will you forgive me." It can be hard. But I am here to hold you up.

Thanks for climbing...I love you very much. Jeff

The Stillwater Project: Attitude

The monthly meeting of the Stillwater Project met this morning. The Stillwater Project is a think tank of seasoned veterans of character, its understanding, and how it is best fostered in the lives of others. Our task this morning was Attitude.

One can hardly say "attitude" without then ascribing to it adjectives of "good" and "bad." If you have a bad attitude then well meaning others will come to your assistance by announcing and encouraging "you should have a good attitude!" Well, that makes sense -- but it is about as accessible as heighth is to a short person. Can you imagine saying to a short person, "You should have a taller body?" So why would we say to someone with a "bad" attitude, "you should have a good one?" Maybe we could learn something of character by learning why a person's attitude is "bad." Or maybe, it is not so much a "bad" attitude as a "hurting" attitude.

You will remember that the Stillwater Project is a class of 13 year olds at a local Middle School. They live in the trenches of reality. I imagine daily that someone in this group is being told to adjust his or her attitude. "You should be happy!" Or something like that. I opted for a different route: "If you were hurting, what would make you hurt? Tell me the top 5 things that come to your heart and mind." Know what they listed?

The Stillwater Project: Attitude

Top 5 things that make you hurt

• Death of a loved one (half the class had experienced the death of a loved one in the last 6 months)
• Divorce (half of the class had experienced the divorce of parents)
• Parent in the Service and away from home (one quarter of the class had experienced this)
• Moving (only a few had ever moved in their life)
• Someone hurting your feelings (all had had their feelings hurt)
  

We learned that instead of telling someone to have a good attitude it might be better to find out why they have the attitudes they do.

Did you know that some 200 of the world's best climbers have perished on Mt. Everest? It is true. World reknowned athletes. But in certain conditions even the best cannot go on. It is not that they were not strong enough, or good enough. But strong and good as they were, they could not master the conditions. Maybe death or divorce can seem like carrying 40 lbs on your back at 26,000 feet. Telling a young person to "have a good attitude" probably doesn't cut it. But it might help if you came along side to help carry their load.

Rather than discussing "What is a Good Attitude" the Stillwater Project discussed what would be ways to assist someone with a more hopeful, or healthy attitude. In mountaineering terms, how might you carry someone else's attitude, or lighten their attitude or come along side? Here is what they came up with.

The Stillwater Project: Attitude

How to Carry the Attitude of the Person you are Climbing with

• Listen more, talk less
• Ask questions but don't prior or be too nozy; give people "space."
• Telling someone to have a good attitude does not work!
• Spend time with the person who is hurting
• Do something that he or she likes to do -- go to the movies, go out to eat
• Show interest
• Look people in the eye
• Admit if you don't know what to say
• Say "I'm sorry" -- not for doing wrong, but because they other person is hurting
• Ask what would be helpful.

We reached new heights. This is an amazing group of young people and I am honored to be a part of it. They allow me to rope up with them and I feel safer on the climb. We hike once a month. You are always welcome to join us.

Here's a mountain man challenge: If you see someone with a "bad" attitude don't be too quick to tell them to lighten up. Come along side. Listen to what might be hurting. Help to carry the load.

Climbing with you,

Jeff on the mountains.

New Beginnings

Let's take a hike, shall we? Let's take a hike on a trail we have never hiked before. It is a hike, however, that we have heard is very beautiful. There are beautiful vistas and an incredible waterfall at the end.. Let's pack up the pack -- but bring only the essentials. We don't need to pack extra weight. We may need to leave a few things behind. We want to lighten the load.

The first step is in a new direction. That is the reality of taking a hike. You cannot go someplace new and remain where you are at. With each step you take you get farther and farther down the road. It is not necessarily easy. You may even need a little coaxing. You might be tempted to turn around. But don't give in too easily. We're here for each other, o.k.? You encourage me. I'll encourage you. Maybe there will be others on the trail, too, urging us on. "Its worth it," they say.

Allow me a little metaphor, o.k.? I think it is time for a new beginning. I think it is time to take a hike. I think you will be blessed by a change of scenery. I am not talking about running away or throwing in the towel. I am especially not talking about going off by yourself. Not at all. But I am talking about starting over. Getting a fresh start. Forgiving yourself. Giving yourself permission to be you. Taking your own time. Doing it your own way. Not in a selfish way. Not in a reckless way, either. But also not in a way that is burdened and weighed down with the expectations of others, or what you have been led to believe everyone else -- even God -- expects of you.

I recently went on a hike with someone I love. We didn't finish the trail, per se. But we did come to a great destination: We sat down on a log in the woods, ate a sandwich, and had a glass of wine in the pouring rain. It was awesome. It was better than a mountain vista or a waterfall -- and I loved both of those immensely. We were together. We were not consumed by life's concerns or problems. We were not consumed by judgements and unmet expectations.

What I envision for our hike is a pack that is filled with only the essentials...no heartaches from last year...no pent up angers....no disappointments.....no burdens and judgements of what you should have done, or should not have done. I want to say something gently -- not in any official or superior way. Just as a friend. As someone who loves you. Someone who cares for you. Someone who would gladly carry your pack for a while. You are forgiven -- not in the sense that you have done something wrong. But in the sense that I care about you. You are a blessing to me. You make a difference in my life. I would not want you any other way.

You are a good husband. You are a good wife. You are a good parent. You are a good child. You are a great member of the church. You are a great student. You are a good member of the team. You make the band sound better. You make a difference in other people's lives. You do. You make a difference in my life. I like who you are. I like that you are on the trail with me.

I like it when you carry my load. Today, I would like to carry your load. I would gently, humbly, graciously like to help you to put some things behind you and to press on toward what is ahead of you. We may need to stop and rest a bit. We may need to sit down and cry. That's o.k. I am up to it. You may want me to listen. But if you will allow me, I would like never to go away. I would like to stay roped up with you. I would like to finish the journey together.

If you will allow me to be close, I was wondering....

• What is your biggest goal in life right now and how can I help you with that?
• What are your greatest satisfactions?
• What would you like to do before you die?
• What do you think is your greatest purpose?
• Tell me about a dream you are having?
• In what way can I be a better friend?

I love you -- and I am trying to learn to listen.

Jeff on the mountain.