The Stillwater Project: Attitude

The monthly meeting of the Stillwater Project met this morning. The Stillwater Project is a think tank of seasoned veterans of character, its understanding, and how it is best fostered in the lives of others. Our task this morning was Attitude.

One can hardly say "attitude" without then ascribing to it adjectives of "good" and "bad." If you have a bad attitude then well meaning others will come to your assistance by announcing and encouraging "you should have a good attitude!" Well, that makes sense -- but it is about as accessible as heighth is to a short person. Can you imagine saying to a short person, "You should have a taller body?" So why would we say to someone with a "bad" attitude, "you should have a good one?" Maybe we could learn something of character by learning why a person's attitude is "bad." Or maybe, it is not so much a "bad" attitude as a "hurting" attitude.

You will remember that the Stillwater Project is a class of 13 year olds at a local Middle School. They live in the trenches of reality. I imagine daily that someone in this group is being told to adjust his or her attitude. "You should be happy!" Or something like that. I opted for a different route: "If you were hurting, what would make you hurt? Tell me the top 5 things that come to your heart and mind." Know what they listed?

The Stillwater Project: Attitude

Top 5 things that make you hurt

• Death of a loved one (half the class had experienced the death of a loved one in the last 6 months)
• Divorce (half of the class had experienced the divorce of parents)
• Parent in the Service and away from home (one quarter of the class had experienced this)
• Moving (only a few had ever moved in their life)
• Someone hurting your feelings (all had had their feelings hurt)
  

We learned that instead of telling someone to have a good attitude it might be better to find out why they have the attitudes they do.

Did you know that some 200 of the world's best climbers have perished on Mt. Everest? It is true. World reknowned athletes. But in certain conditions even the best cannot go on. It is not that they were not strong enough, or good enough. But strong and good as they were, they could not master the conditions. Maybe death or divorce can seem like carrying 40 lbs on your back at 26,000 feet. Telling a young person to "have a good attitude" probably doesn't cut it. But it might help if you came along side to help carry their load.

Rather than discussing "What is a Good Attitude" the Stillwater Project discussed what would be ways to assist someone with a more hopeful, or healthy attitude. In mountaineering terms, how might you carry someone else's attitude, or lighten their attitude or come along side? Here is what they came up with.

The Stillwater Project: Attitude

How to Carry the Attitude of the Person you are Climbing with

• Listen more, talk less
• Ask questions but don't prior or be too nozy; give people "space."
• Telling someone to have a good attitude does not work!
• Spend time with the person who is hurting
• Do something that he or she likes to do -- go to the movies, go out to eat
• Show interest
• Look people in the eye
• Admit if you don't know what to say
• Say "I'm sorry" -- not for doing wrong, but because they other person is hurting
• Ask what would be helpful.

We reached new heights. This is an amazing group of young people and I am honored to be a part of it. They allow me to rope up with them and I feel safer on the climb. We hike once a month. You are always welcome to join us.

Here's a mountain man challenge: If you see someone with a "bad" attitude don't be too quick to tell them to lighten up. Come along side. Listen to what might be hurting. Help to carry the load.

Climbing with you,

Jeff on the mountains.