On Forgiveness

On Sunday a bomb went off at church. It was not the usual bomb -- you know, someone you don't like, the choir singing terribly, a horrible sermon, or all of the other unforgivables that wreck our day and make us ask why we go to church at all. No, it was an actual bomb.

A young adult group was making pancakes for the new member reception. Someone had forgotten an aerosol can of PAM on a hot griddle. It exploded and blew a hole in a stainless steel refrigerator. In a miraculous way it missed everyone standing in the crowded kitchen. If it had hit someone we can only presume it would have killed them -- afterall, the refrigerator is in pretty rough shape. It was a real mistake. It was a real blunder. But you know what? No one was killed. God's hand was on us. God was there. Forgiveness.

Every day bombs go off all around us. Like the aerosol can of PAM left on the burner people make mistakes. They forget things. They say things they shouldn't. They do things they shouldn't. It makes a mess like a hole blown through a stainless steel door. These are blunders and gaffs that rub you the wrong way, get under your skin, annoy you, frustrate you, and even anger you. In most instances, no one is killed. God's hand is on us. God is there. Forgiveness.

Good Friday long ago a bomb went off. An angry Jewish mob sold Jesus over to an unsympathetic Roman guard. People lied about Jesus. They hit him. They slapped him. They spit on him. The actions were deliberate. You couldn't say they were accidents or mistakes. You might say the people didn't know what they were doing. I wish I could say no one was killed, but someone was: Jesus was killed. Gruesome nails blew holes right through Jesus' flesh. A spear blew a hole through His side. Rejection and disdain blew a hole through His soul. Yet God's hand was upon Jesus. God was there. Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the chief work of God in the lives of His people. Forgiveness is the miracle God uses to mend relationships. Forgiveness is God's way of healing the hurts caused by mistakes, gaffs, and blunders. God puts His hand upon us. God is there. God forgives.

Forgiveness is also the treasure God gives to you and me to share with each other. Forgiveness is something we cannot do on our own. Forgiveness is the one thing God commands us to do by His grace: "Forgive as you have been forgiven."

Forgiveness takes place when God's hand is on us. Forgiveness is where we learn to keep life and circumstances in perspective. Forgiveness is where we learn to say, "Thank God no one was killed." Blunders abound and mistakes mess things up. But no one was killed. God's hand was upon us. God is with us. Forgiveness.

What are some things that get in the way of our forgiveness? What throws our circumstances out of perspective and what takes our eyes off of God's forgiveness of us and His command for us to forgive?

• An over personalization of the offense. For instance, the bomb at church was terrible mistake wrought with many human errors. But no one intended for it to happen. This does not justify the event. But it keeps it in perspective. Often times the things that offend us were never intended to offend. Again, this does not justify the matter but it does keep it in perspective. Sometimes people, their manners, and mannerisms are more a matter of who they are, their generation, and their culture. We need to lighten up.
• Escalation: This is where the given offense is escalated. The offense is given negative energy and attention. This most often happens when we dwell on the matter. It is amplified when we talk to others about it again and again.
• A pre-occupation with self: Ultimately, a lack of forgiveness is born in an angry, jealous and envious heart. Unforgiveness takes place when we see ourselves as victims or those who have been done wrong. Unforgiveness happens when we are consumed with how we have been treated unjustly and unfairly, or when we feel out of control of a situation.

So, what might be helpful in learning to forgive? How might we work together? How might we partner together? How might we "high five," cheer, and encourage each other towards a deeper understanding of God's gift to us and our gift to each other?

• You must know Jesus. True forgiveness can only take place in the knowledge and certainty of what God has done for you. You must know again that through the perfect life, death and resurrection of Jesus you are forgiven. This is God's free gift to you and to all people. Through God's forgiveness your failings, gaffs, blunders, honest mistakes, and even malicious offenses are washed away.
• You must know yourself forgiven. You must quietly, humbly, and graciously look in the mirror of God's grace and say, "No one was killed." God's hand is upon you. God is with you. You are forgiven. God keeps no records of wrongs. God is not shocked or bothered by you. God wants to be close to you and His forgiveness removes all that separates you from Him.
• You must know God commands and expects your forgiveness. This may be tough to hear. If you expect your child to do his homework and he mows the lawn instead you will not be completely pleased. There are many things that are done in churches and among God's people. They are all fine and good. But what God most wants of you and me is for us to embrace in faith the forgiveness and peace He gives through the death of His son. God expects our forgiveness. He expects us to look more to Him than to the offense of others. He expects us to take hold of Him and let go of the things that offend. You might say, "No one was killed. God's hand is on me. God is with me." Forgiveness.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's rope up together. Let's help each other. Forgiving others is tougher than climbing a mountain. But forgiveness is made possible in the graces of God and when we work together. Forgiveness takes good communication. It takes practice. It takes effort. Perhaps our greatest forgiveness is for those who are unforgiving. But if our goal is to reach the summit together -- and to leave no one behind -- we may have to leave ourselves and our pride behind. We look at people in their hurt. We look at people in the complexities of their lives. We walk a mile in another person's shoes. We look at life from another point of view: God's hand is upon us. God is with us. We are forgiven.

Thanks for teaching me. Thanks for climbing with me.

Jeff

The Stillwater Project: Self - Discipline

The Stillwater Project met this morning. The Stillwater Project meets the first Thursday of every month to discuss character traits and how to foster them in ourselves and others. The Stillwater Project is made up of sharp minds tempered in the school of reality. The Stillwater Project is 25 thirteen year olds --each with his and her own observations of life and its circumstances. I am learning it is better to listen than to postulate with sterile theory. Like climbing a mountain, it is better to let the stronger and the more able take the lead. Our task today was the character trait of self-discipline. I was there to learn and to let them get me to the top of the mountain.

What I learned is that self discipline is very closely related to self control --and not so related to punishment at all. Self -discipline includes training, hard work, and being able to say "no" to oneself. Self - discipline has to do with the choices that one makes before actions are taken. Punishment, on the other hand, is a negative response to a bad choice or behavior. If I break a rule, if I am not "disciplined," than there may be consequences that include punishment -- like being grounded, for instance.

Athletes, musicians, and those who are involved in school activities and clubs all know something about self - discipline. Each of these activities require boundaries and rules. Volleyball without rules would be chaos. Music without rules would be nothing but noise. Student council without rules would get nothing done. Self - discipline works well with other learned character traits of responsibility, caring, and courtesy.

Self - discipline governs our actions in relationship to our emotions. If I am self - disciplined, if I am in control of myself, than I am less likely to react and respond to the circumstances around me in negative ways -- even if my feelings are hurt or if something does not go my way. When I am self - disciplined I am in control of myself, my actions, and my emotions. This is not to say that I do not have feelings. It is to say that that my choices are governed by my self - discipline and not my emotions.

We read a story called "The Martyrdom of Andy Drake." It is a sad story and all too true about a boy in fifth grade who does not fit it. He is different than the other boys. Andy tries desparately to follow the rules of acceptance but he is not accepted. He is made fun. His family is made fun of. The narrator of the story finds himself caught up in the momentum of the negative treatment towards Andy. He knows it is wrong. He doesn't feel good about it. But he is not self - disciplined. He cannot say "no" to himself or to the crowd. In effect, he and the crowd say "no" to Andy. Until Andy just disappears. He drops out of school. Andy is punished for the lack of self-discipline of those around him.

A hearty discussion followed. There are many reasons a person may not fit in: Their looks or their race; their personality and how "cool" they are or are not; their economic status and the clothes they wear; how good they are perceived at sports, music, or schooling; and sometimes merely the arbitrary choosing of the crowd. The Stillwater Project acknowledged that it is a tempting momentum to follow. Many in the class acknowledged that they had been part of shunning others. Shunning others is the result of not being in control of our selves and our relationshiop to the crowd. Shunning others is the result of saying "no" to others and not ourselves.

We discussed how each of us, in control of ourselves, could do our part to reach out to others and do what we could to make others welcome and a part of the group. We discussed how each of us in control of ourselves could make someone else's day better and brighter. We discussed ways we call could practice this. It takes hard work; it takes practice; it takes self - discipline.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Take the lead from a 13 year old. Stop trying to control the world around you and others, too. Start trying to control you. Practice your own good discipline. It takes hard work and practice. It may even mean saying "no" to yourself, and at the same time saying "yes" to people around you. Go out of your way to help someone else fit in. Reach out to someone you don't usually talk with - someone at church; someone you work with; someone at the gymn or golf course you hang out at. Invite someone to join you in your pew or for lunch. Don't resign yourself to your own "shynesss." That's merely a lack of control, isn't it. Say "no" to you and "yes" to someone else.

See you on the mountain. You make my world a little brighter. Jeff

The Art of Cheering

To Ashley and other cheerleaders -- past, present, actual, and otherwise -- who tirelessly smile, encourage, and say positive things against the longest odds and sometimes against the meanest conditions.

You make a difference.

In my junior year of high school the coach asked me to wrestle up a weight class. It was an honor, of sorts. It was his way of saying, "We need you. Can you do it?" But you must remember that most wrestlers have dieted down 15 or 20 pounds to begin with. Even if I weighed within ten pounds of my opponent, he would more likely be 30 pounds bigger than me on any other day.

Sure enough. When time for weigh in rolled around I stood on the scales and looked a bit scrawny and anemic next to the beast who stepped on the scales after me. My opponent, Marty Stevens, played linebacker at 195 pounds. What was he doing here at 168? He went on to win the state championship 2 months later. Suffice it to say my own season did not go that far.

The match began with the shrill of the referee's whistle and for six eternal minutes Marty Stevens mopped up the mat with me. You need to know that I was a pretty fair wrestler. What, you think I protest too much? But fair or not, I was far from the caliber that Marty was that day.

I would like to say that I gave Marty more of a match than much of his competition that year. But since he beat me 13 - 1 its hard to say I gave him too much of a fight. It was a brutal match of which my coach would later say, "You learn more from defeat than from victory." Yeah. So I must be 10 times smarter than Marty Stevens, right?

After the match I threw my headgear in disgust and went and sat by myself. There's nothing like a good pity party to make you feel better. I was doing a pretty good job wallowing in my own self loathing until Lisa Niemeyer came bouncing over. "Jeff, you were great!" She gleamed.

Oh, gag me! Was she smoking dope? Was she on some kind of mind altering drug? What match had she been watching? I just got my butt kicked 13-1 and she's telling me I did great? Was she talking about how good I looked in tights? My ability to hold my breath? The fact that Marty couldn't pin me? What exactly was she talking about when she said, "Jeff, you did great"?

Lisa was a cheerleader, all 5 feet, two inches of her. She was incurably, indellibly, even obnoxiously cute: Ear to ear smile; deep blue eyes; and cheery -- very, very cheery. Even as I sneered at her she kept smiling. "I thought you were going to win!" She said. "Win what? The lottery?"

I don't know how the rest of the conversation went. I remember her sitting down next to me. I remember thinking that was pretty cool. And somewhere in those few adolescent moments with someone kind of nice I didn't feel quite so bad anymore. Lisa took the time to smile. To listen.

I think sometimes cheerleaders, and people like them, get a bum rap for being positive and encouraging against long odds and mean conditions. I had just got my butt kicked. What should she have said, "You suck"?

Truth is, we live in a world that says "you suck" even when you are pretty good. We criticize teachers and coaches, pastors and doctors, and the minimum wage waitress at the local Applebee's. You can be a pretty good student, a pretty good athlete, or a pretty good this or that and still feel pretty lousy at the hands and comments of many you meet today. Somehow some have been led to believe that we are being "critical thinkers" by being critical.

I don't think so. I think it takes a creative, engaging, and energizing thinker to be positive and encouraging in the midst of trying and difficult times. I think it is courageous to smile when others don't. I think it is hard to be hopeful in the midst of unhappy people. And I am grateful when people are. I am glad Lisa weathered the storm. I am glad she endured my pouty disposition. I am glad she said, "You did great" against a greater opponent. I wrestled the state champion and scored a point. She stepped up and as much as said, "I am proud of you." Lisa is the champion.

I have a friend who was a cheerleader in high school -- and still is today. Oh, she doesn't do cartwheels and handsprings anymore; I don't think, anyway. But when she meets you she smiles. She asks how you are doing. She shows interest. She is positive and encouraging in a world that isn't always that way. She is hopeful when others are hurting. She is a cheerleader. And I think she is great (If you are reading this you can smile!).

Here's a mountain man challenge. Are you up to it? Iron your pleats and fluff up your pom poms. It's easy to cheer when the team is winning. Let's hear you cheer when the team is losing. It's easy to cheer for a champion. Let's hear you cheer for everyone else, too. It's easy to smile when everything is great. How can you, by your smile, help someone feel better than they do?

I love you. See you on the mountains. Jeff