Coffee Talk

The Stillwater Project: Trustworthy

2009-04-02T15:48:00.000-07:00

A Boyscout is Trustworthy and True

The Stillwater Project met today to discuss the character trait Trustworthy. The Stillwater Project is a group of 30 thirteen year olds who meet monthly to foster positive character traits in each other and then share them with the community around them. The Stillwater Project is a lively, earnest group determined to make a difference in the world one person at a time. They have learned there are no short cuts in life. If someone is going to be better it will happen only one way: by investing positive energy and encouragement in them.

The Stillwater Project define Trustworthy in the following ways:

Dependable
Reliable
Honest
Forgiving
loyal
faithful
kind

The Stillwater Project then broke into teams of two and did some short skits that illustrate trustworthy qualities. The teams did an excellent job of speaking up and looking their audience in the eye.

The skits depicted various circumstances calling upon qualities of trustworthiness. There was skit in which one student pledged to help another with homework. There was a skit in which a couple of friends discussed how long they should wait for a friend who was late to an appointment. There was a skit in which one friend told another friend a secret and the friend was then in a position to "keep the confidence of the other." Each skit was then followed with open, honest discussion. It was humbling to be in the presence of such honest candor. 13 year olds know what it means to be trustworthy. Perhaps the rest of us can learn, too.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's rope up with a 13 year old and let them pack our pack. Don't take anything for the journey that isn't necessary. Don't bring anxiety, anger or worry. Don't bring impatience and intolerance. Bring some trustworthiness. Be a team player. Be dependable. Be reliable. Be kind. Be forgiving. Work together to get to the top of the mountain safely, together, and having fun.

Thanks for climbing. It is always a rush!

Jeff on the mountains.

On Forgiveness

2009-03-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

On Sunday a bomb went off at church. It was not the usual bomb -- you know, someone you don't like, the choir singing terribly, a horrible sermon, or all of the other unforgivables that wreck our day and make us ask why we go to church at all. No, it was an actual bomb.

A young adult group was making pancakes for the new member reception. Someone had forgotten an aerosol can of PAM on a hot griddle. It exploded and blew a hole in a stainless steel refrigerator. In a miraculous way it missed everyone standing in the crowded kitchen. If it had hit someone we can only presume it would have killed them -- afterall, the refrigerator is in pretty rough shape. It was a real mistake. It was a real blunder. But you know what? No one was killed. God's hand was on us. God was there. Forgiveness.

Every day bombs go off all around us. Like the aerosol can of PAM left on the burner people make mistakes. They forget things. They say things they shouldn't. They do things they shouldn't. It makes a mess like a hole blown through a stainless steel door. These are blunders and gaffs that rub you the wrong way, get under your skin, annoy you, frustrate you, and even anger you. In most instances, no one is killed. God's hand is on us. God is there. Forgiveness.

Good Friday long ago a bomb went off. An angry Jewish mob sold Jesus over to an unsympathetic Roman guard. People lied about Jesus. They hit him. They slapped him. They spit on him. The actions were deliberate. You couldn't say they were accidents or mistakes. You might say the people didn't know what they were doing. I wish I could say no one was killed, but someone was: Jesus was killed. Gruesome nails blew holes right through Jesus' flesh. A spear blew a hole through His side. Rejection and disdain blew a hole through His soul. Yet God's hand was upon Jesus. God was there. Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the chief work of God in the lives of His people. Forgiveness is the miracle God uses to mend relationships. Forgiveness is God's way of healing the hurts caused by mistakes, gaffs, and blunders. God puts His hand upon us. God is there. God forgives.

Forgiveness is also the treasure God gives to you and me to share with each other. Forgiveness is something we cannot do on our own. Forgiveness is the one thing God commands us to do by His grace: "Forgive as you have been forgiven."

Forgiveness takes place when God's hand is on us. Forgiveness is where we learn to keep life and circumstances in perspective. Forgiveness is where we learn to say, "Thank God no one was killed." Blunders abound and mistakes mess things up. But no one was killed. God's hand was upon us. God is with us. Forgiveness.

What are some things that get in the way of our forgiveness? What throws our circumstances out of perspective and what takes our eyes off of God's forgiveness of us and His command for us to forgive?

An over personalization of the offense. For instance, the bomb at church was terrible mistake wrought with many human errors. But no one intended for it to happen. This does not justify the event. But it keeps it in perspective. Often times the things that offend us were never intended to offend. Again, this does not justify the matter but it does keep it in perspective. Sometimes people, their manners, and mannerisms are more a matter of who they are, their generation, and their culture. We need to lighten up.
Escalation: This is where the given offense is escalated. The offense is given negative energy and attention. This most often happens when we dwell on the matter. It is amplified when we talk to others about it again and again.
A pre-occupation with self: Ultimately, a lack of forgiveness is born in an angry, jealous and envious heart. Unforgiveness takes place when we see ourselves as victims or those who have been done wrong. Unforgiveness happens when we are consumed with how we have been treated unjustly and unfairly, or when we feel out of control of a situation.

So, what might be helpful in learning to forgive? How might we work together? How might we partner together? How might we "high five," cheer, and encourage each other towards a deeper understanding of God's gift to us and our gift to each other?

You must know Jesus. True forgiveness can only take place in the knowledge and certainty of what God has done for you. You must know again that through the perfect life, death and resurrection of Jesus you are forgiven. This is God's free gift to you and to all people. Through God's forgiveness your failings, gaffs, blunders, honest mistakes, and even malicious offenses are washed away.
You must know yourself forgiven. You must quietly, humbly, and graciously look in the mirror of God's grace and say, "No one was killed." God's hand is upon you. God is with you. You are forgiven. God keeps no records of wrongs. God is not shocked or bothered by you. God wants to be close to you and His forgiveness removes all that separates you from Him.
You must know God commands and expects your forgiveness. This may be tough to hear. If you expect your child to do his homework and he mows the lawn instead you will not be completely pleased. There are many things that are done in churches and among God's people. They are all fine and good. But what God most wants of you and me is for us to embrace in faith the forgiveness and peace He gives through the death of His son. God expects our forgiveness. He expects us to look more to Him than to the offense of others. He expects us to take hold of Him and let go of the things that offend. You might say, "No one was killed. God's hand is on me. God is with me." Forgiveness.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's rope up together. Let's help each other. Forgiving others is tougher than climbing a mountain. But forgiveness is made possible in the graces of God and when we work together. Forgiveness takes good communication. It takes practice. It takes effort. Perhaps our greatest forgiveness is for those who are unforgiving. But if our goal is to reach the summit together -- and to leave no one behind -- we may have to leave ourselves and our pride behind. We look at people in their hurt. We look at people in the complexities of their lives. We walk a mile in another person's shoes. We look at life from another point of view: God's hand is upon us. God is with us. We are forgiven.

Thanks for teaching me. Thanks for climbing with me.

Jeff

The Stillwater Project: Self - Discipline

2009-03-05T11:12:00.001-08:00

The Stillwater Project met this morning. The Stillwater Project meets the first Thursday of every month to discuss character traits and how to foster them in ourselves and others. The Stillwater Project is made up of sharp minds tempered in the school of reality. The Stillwater Project is 25 thirteen year olds --each with his and her own observations of life and its circumstances. I am learning it is better to listen than to postulate with sterile theory. Like climbing a mountain, it is better to let the stronger and the more able take the lead. Our task today was the character trait of self-discipline. I was there to learn and to let them get me to the top of the mountain.

What I learned is that self discipline is very closely related to self control --and not so related to punishment at all. Self -discipline includes training, hard work, and being able to say "no" to oneself. Self - discipline has to do with the choices that one makes before actions are taken. Punishment, on the other hand, is a negative response to a bad choice or behavior. If I break a rule, if I am not "disciplined," than there may be consequences that include punishment -- like being grounded, for instance.

Athletes, musicians, and those who are involved in school activities and clubs all know something about self - discipline. Each of these activities require boundaries and rules. Volleyball without rules would be chaos. Music without rules would be nothing but noise. Student council without rules would get nothing done. Self - discipline works well with other learned character traits of responsibility, caring, and courtesy.

Self - discipline governs our actions in relationship to our emotions. If I am self - disciplined, if I am in control of myself, than I am less likely to react and respond to the circumstances around me in negative ways -- even if my feelings are hurt or if something does not go my way. When I am self - disciplined I am in control of myself, my actions, and my emotions. This is not to say that I do not have feelings. It is to say that that my choices are governed by my self - discipline and not my emotions.

We read a story called "The Martyrdom of Andy Drake." It is a sad story and all too true about a boy in fifth grade who does not fit it. He is different than the other boys. Andy tries desparately to follow the rules of acceptance but he is not accepted. He is made fun. His family is made fun of. The narrator of the story finds himself caught up in the momentum of the negative treatment towards Andy. He knows it is wrong. He doesn't feel good about it. But he is not self - disciplined. He cannot say "no" to himself or to the crowd. In effect, he and the crowd say "no" to Andy. Until Andy just disappears. He drops out of school. Andy is punished for the lack of self-discipline of those around him.

A hearty discussion followed. There are many reasons a person may not fit in: Their looks or their race; their personality and how "cool" they are or are not; their economic status and the clothes they wear; how good they are perceived at sports, music, or schooling; and sometimes merely the arbitrary choosing of the crowd. The Stillwater Project acknowledged that it is a tempting momentum to follow. Many in the class acknowledged that they had been part of shunning others. Shunning others is the result of not being in control of our selves and our relationshiop to the crowd. Shunning others is the result of saying "no" to others and not ourselves.

We discussed how each of us, in control of ourselves, could do our part to reach out to others and do what we could to make others welcome and a part of the group. We discussed how each of us in control of ourselves could make someone else's day better and brighter. We discussed ways we call could practice this. It takes hard work; it takes practice; it takes self - discipline.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Take the lead from a 13 year old. Stop trying to control the world around you and others, too. Start trying to control you. Practice your own good discipline. It takes hard work and practice. It may even mean saying "no" to yourself, and at the same time saying "yes" to people around you. Go out of your way to help someone else fit in. Reach out to someone you don't usually talk with - someone at church; someone you work with; someone at the gymn or golf course you hang out at. Invite someone to join you in your pew or for lunch. Don't resign yourself to your own "shynesss." That's merely a lack of control, isn't it. Say "no" to you and "yes" to someone else.

See you on the mountain. You make my world a little brighter. Jeff

The Art of Cheering

2009-03-01T16:03:00.000-08:00

To Ashley and other cheerleaders -- past, present, actual, and otherwise -- who tirelessly smile, encourage, and say positive things against the longest odds and sometimes against the meanest conditions.

You make a difference.

In my junior year of high school the coach asked me to wrestle up a weight class. It was an honor, of sorts. It was his way of saying, "We need you. Can you do it?" But you must remember that most wrestlers have dieted down 15 or 20 pounds to begin with. Even if I weighed within ten pounds of my opponent, he would more likely be 30 pounds bigger than me on any other day.

Sure enough. When time for weigh in rolled around I stood on the scales and looked a bit scrawny and anemic next to the beast who stepped on the scales after me. My opponent, Marty Stevens, played linebacker at 195 pounds. What was he doing here at 168? He went on to win the state championship 2 months later. Suffice it to say my own season did not go that far.

The match began with the shrill of the referee's whistle and for six eternal minutes Marty Stevens mopped up the mat with me. You need to know that I was a pretty fair wrestler. What, you think I protest too much? But fair or not, I was far from the caliber that Marty was that day.

I would like to say that I gave Marty more of a match than much of his competition that year. But since he beat me 13 - 1 its hard to say I gave him too much of a fight. It was a brutal match of which my coach would later say, "You learn more from defeat than from victory." Yeah. So I must be 10 times smarter than Marty Stevens, right?

After the match I threw my headgear in disgust and went and sat by myself. There's nothing like a good pity party to make you feel better. I was doing a pretty good job wallowing in my own self loathing until Lisa Niemeyer came bouncing over. "Jeff, you were great!" She gleamed.

Oh, gag me! Was she smoking dope? Was she on some kind of mind altering drug? What match had she been watching? I just got my butt kicked 13-1 and she's telling me I did great? Was she talking about how good I looked in tights? My ability to hold my breath? The fact that Marty couldn't pin me? What exactly was she talking about when she said, "Jeff, you did great"?

Lisa was a cheerleader, all 5 feet, two inches of her. She was incurably, indellibly, even obnoxiously cute: Ear to ear smile; deep blue eyes; and cheery -- very, very cheery. Even as I sneered at her she kept smiling. "I thought you were going to win!" She said. "Win what? The lottery?"

I don't know how the rest of the conversation went. I remember her sitting down next to me. I remember thinking that was pretty cool. And somewhere in those few adolescent moments with someone kind of nice I didn't feel quite so bad anymore. Lisa took the time to smile. To listen.

I think sometimes cheerleaders, and people like them, get a bum rap for being positive and encouraging against long odds and mean conditions. I had just got my butt kicked. What should she have said, "You suck"?

Truth is, we live in a world that says "you suck" even when you are pretty good. We criticize teachers and coaches, pastors and doctors, and the minimum wage waitress at the local Applebee's. You can be a pretty good student, a pretty good athlete, or a pretty good this or that and still feel pretty lousy at the hands and comments of many you meet today. Somehow some have been led to believe that we are being "critical thinkers" by being critical.

I don't think so. I think it takes a creative, engaging, and energizing thinker to be positive and encouraging in the midst of trying and difficult times. I think it is courageous to smile when others don't. I think it is hard to be hopeful in the midst of unhappy people. And I am grateful when people are. I am glad Lisa weathered the storm. I am glad she endured my pouty disposition. I am glad she said, "You did great" against a greater opponent. I wrestled the state champion and scored a point. She stepped up and as much as said, "I am proud of you." Lisa is the champion.

I have a friend who was a cheerleader in high school -- and still is today. Oh, she doesn't do cartwheels and handsprings anymore; I don't think, anyway. But when she meets you she smiles. She asks how you are doing. She shows interest. She is positive and encouraging in a world that isn't always that way. She is hopeful when others are hurting. She is a cheerleader. And I think she is great (If you are reading this you can smile!).

Here's a mountain man challenge. Are you up to it? Iron your pleats and fluff up your pom poms. It's easy to cheer when the team is winning. Let's hear you cheer when the team is losing. It's easy to cheer for a champion. Let's hear you cheer for everyone else, too. It's easy to smile when everything is great. How can you, by your smile, help someone feel better than they do?

I love you. See you on the mountains. Jeff

The Mountains Called

2009-02-18T07:17:00.000-08:00

The mountains called and I answered. I was whisked to the top with 12 others making a team of 13. Two of the team were two of my boys and mountain mates -- Clayton and Aaron (l - r in the picture). The mountains were beautiful beyond words. They were glorious beyond imagination. It was good to be there on the mountains.

It was the annual "youth group" ski trip. We planned. We packed. We prepared. We traveled. We shopped. We unpacked. We made food for each other. We cleaned up after each other. We all had chores. We laughed. We talked. We played games. We listened. We read scripture. We prayed. We composed a worship service with God and each other in mind. We worshipped. We were all a little different, and yet we were together for some very similar purposes. Oh, did I say we also skied?" It was awesome beyond words.

I skied a fair amount in my youth. I used to think I was "somebody." But what could be better than seeing each of these young people pass me by? When my own boys left me in the dust I was happy to say, "You boys go ahead; I'll be o.k." The mountain belonged to them. The mantle was passed. They were now the "ski dog" I used to be. Like someone stepping out of the light, it is time for me to retire and let the young ones enjoy what rightfully belongs to them. I have had my turn on the mountain.

Isn't it great to see someone learn something new, master something hard, bond together, and try new things? Isn't it grand to see one of them fall and see someone else pull them to their feet? What is better than to hear one of them say, "Would you help me?" Or, hear another say, "You can do it"? Affirmation is just another word for Absolution: You are forgiven. You are graced. You belong.

Skiing is not easy. Neither is being united. You have to work a bit at each.

The Psalmist says in Psalm 90, "Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or your brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting, you are God."

We love the mountains. But our dwelling place is God. More beautiful and more glorious than the creation is the Creator Himself. And the One who made the mountains? He made you and me, too. Before the mountains were born, before you and I were born, there was God molding and shaping us to be as He would have "us" to be.

We sometimes hear people speak of a "personal and intimate" relationship with God. There might be something to that. But what about the corporate relationship? What about the Body arranged and molded together just as God would have us to be? What about the people of God bound together int he mercies and graces of Jesus, His blood making us "one" in spite of lesser differences? It would not be much fun skiing by yourself. It wouldn't be much fun being a church by oneself, either.

What was most impressive about the mountain we skied is that it was set in a mountain range: It was not one mountain, but many. On top of the chair lift you could see mountain after mountain after mountain each molded and shaped by God. From the same chair lift you could also see people -- as far as the eye could see. Were they also "molded" together by God? In spite of their differences? In spite of what they do not hold in common each is held in common in the palm of God's hand. That is beautiful beyond words. That is glorious beyond imagination.

Isaiah 64:8 says, "But you, O Lord, are the potter and we are the clay; we are the handiwork of your hands." What strikes you here?

God does not mold us individually. God does not so much make me as He makes "us." "We" are His workmanship. God molds "us" together. He shapes 13 and 30; 300 and 3,000; and so on. He makes us in His image, the Triune God: Three distinct persons in one glorious Deity. What is better than to hear "us" say: "Will you help me?" and "May I help you?" To hear each other say, "Let's do this together." "I love you." "Thank you." And "I'm sorry." What is better than stepping out of the light so someone else can see and allowing the "young ones" to have their turn?

Here is a mountain man challenge: Let's go ski together, or do something together. Let's pack and prepare; let's work and play; let's listen, love and laugh; let's each have our chores. Let's read some Scripture together and pray together. Let's each take our turn, and give a turn to the next. However different we may sometimes be we are molded together for a very common purpose: God's beauty and God's glory.

The mountains called and so I answered.....God is calling, too.....Jeff

As Iron Sharpens Iron

2009-02-07T09:28:00.000-08:00

Iron Men are Men of God. Iron men are not men of the world or men of themselves. They are not wimps and whiners and complainers. Iron men are courageous. Iron men are bold. Iron men are strong – or at least growing that way. Iron men are more than victorious through Christ, Romans 8:37, and able to do all things through Him who gives them strength, Philippians 4:13. Iron men are men of God. Perhaps there are iron ladies, too, who are ladies of God. Let me know!

Men of God are men of Christ. By Christ you are forgiven -- and forgiving. You are washed. The blood of Jesus, God’s son, cleanses you from all sin, 1 John 1:7. Say that until you believe it. And say it until others believe it, too. No sense pointing out failings and faults. We know without Christ we can only fail and fall. If you want someone not to fail or fall it makes more sense to tell them about Christ and His blood: The Blood of Jesus Christ, God’s Son, cleanses you from all sin. You are no longer a slave. You are no longer a victim. You are no longer the subject of someone else’s failing. You are now the subject of God’s forgiveness. You are now the benefactor of faith. You are men of Christ. You are therefore men of God. Men of God are Iron men.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” I am almost certain that the same holds for iron ladies, too. Check it out and let me know.

The Proverbs are God’s Words of wisdom to you and me. God’s wisdom is not like man’s wisdom, or ladies' wisdom, or the world’s wisdom. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge God and He will direct your path.” God’s wisdom is not a matter of what you know and think. God’s wisdom is not a matter of your opinion, your preference, and your tastes. Isaiah 55 says, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so also are my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

Too many men talk about what they think. Too many men talk about what they know. Too many men talk about their interests and tastes and desires. Ladies might do this, too, though I don't know first hand. What do you say, ladies? Do ladies sometimes talk a lot about nothing?

Men of God talk about God’s thoughts. Men of God talk about the wisdom that comes from on high. Men of God talk about God’s ways. Men of God talk about God’s desires. Men of God talk about what pleases God. That doesn't mean a Bible verse and a sermon all the time. It does mean saying bright, hopeful, positive, encouraging, and forgiving things. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Say only those things that edify and build up others..." Have I told you lately that I love you?

Iron men build up others. Iron men are productive and constructive. Let's remember our chemistry, shall we?

FE is the chemical symbol for Iron. Don't ask me why or what it stands for -- It could mean Faithful and Excellent for all I know. But if you will look up your periodic table or consult a local Chemistry Professor -- Dr. Petrich, if you now him -- they will tell you FE is the chemical symbol of Iron.

Now here's some things you may not have known:

Did you know that iron is the most common and most used of all metals? Iron makes up 95% of all the world’s metal production. Iron, then, is useful. It is productive. It is valuable. Iron makes things. Iron is constructive. It is a positive force. Iron doesn't just sit around doing nothing. From cast iron skillets to the St. Louis arch iron is everywhere. It is the backbone, fabric and foundation of our world.

That is the kind of men we can be as men of God. Men of God are iron men. We are common. We are useful. We are productive and valuable. We make things. We do things. We don’t just sit around. We are the fabric and foundation of a godly society. We are iron men.

Did you also know that iron is one of the softest of all metals. Huh. That’s interesting. So iron is strong and able. It is also soft and pliable. Iron can be molded and shaped. It is not boorish. It it is not resistent. It is not unbending and unchanging.

Ezekiel 36:26, “I will give you a new heart and I will put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and to be careful to keep my laws….. I will be your God and you will be my people….”

That is the heart of an iron man: A man that knows God. A man that is soft and pliable to God’s ways. A man who can be molded and shaped, who is not rigid and made of stone. A man who is humble, confessing of sin, and growing stronger.

As iron sharpens iron, the Proverbs say, so one man sharpens another.

Iron men are molded and shaped by God into His image. Iron ladies, too, I presume. This molding and shaping is God's doing. He designs that we would be together. United in Him. Having equal concern for each other where there is no division. Iron that rejoices when other iron rejoices; and iron that weeps when other iron weeps. 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, look it up for yourself.

Iron men are not wimps. They are not whiners. They are not complainers. Philippians 2:14, says, “Do everything without arguing or complaining.” There is an iron man challenge: No argument or complaint, afterall God is in control and we have learned to be content in Him.

Do you remember the context for Paul's writing to Philippi? Among other things, two ladies are arguing and complaining; sorry ladies, its true; and its a downer for the whole gang. In Philippians 4:2-3 Paul says, “I plead with Euodia and I plead with Synteche to agree with each other in the Lord. Yes, I ask the rest of you, too, to help these women." There is an iron man, and an iron lady: Help each other; encourage each other. As iron sharpens iron...well, you get it.

Iron men make each other better. Who are some iron men in your life? Here are some iron men in my life: Hal and Carl; Derieck and Alex; John and JP; Mel, Mike, Linus, and Kris; Clayton, Aaron, and Jason; Dr. Petrich and Dr. Pearce; Tracy, Ron and Ron; Mike L., JD, Tony, Scott S., David, and Gary; Marty, Greg, Doug, Bruce; and my Dad! These are just a few -- and not even to mention the iron ladies! Iron men make men better; sharper; finer. These men make me better. Thanks, guys!

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “We need the iron qualities that go with true manhood. We need the positive virtues of resolution, of courage, of indomitable will, of power to do without shrinking the rough work that must always be done.”

Aesop, world philosopher and man of wisdom once wrote, “It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.” Bravery and courage are not spectator events. Bravery and courage insist on entering the race, jumping into the trenches, and coming along side of another.

Jesus kept no distance. Jesus was made of iron. He was strong and able. He was also soft and pliable. He was molded and shaped to the needs of people. He stepped out of heaven for you and me. He sharpens us. He forgives us. He molds us. He makes us better. He makes us finer. He refines us – sometimes with challenges and difficulties, but He smelts out all the impurities in the refiner’s fire. He makes us clean, holy, productive and constructive.

Jesus keeps no distance. He steps into our lives. He steps into fire itself. Jesus is an iron man. And He makes us iron, too. Iron men; Iron ladies.

Here is a moutnain man challenge: Cut the distance. Step into a person's life. Call someone on the phone. Write them a card or letter or email. Forgive someone. Reconcile. Take someone to lunch. Invest in a child. Pray. Be positive and hopeful. Go out of your way to make one person's day better.

I love you very much. Jeff

The Stillwater Project: Courtesy

2009-02-05T18:52:00.000-08:00

The Stillwater Project is a monthly meeting of sharp and innovative thinkers. They gather to discuss changing times and culture. Their focus is fostering character qualities that change the world. Today's project was courtesy.

The Stillwater Project is a group of 25 thirteen year olds. They don't busy themselves with idle theory and the way things "might" be. The Stillwater Project speaks in absolutes and the way things are. The Stillwater Project tells it like it is. It is worth listening to.

The Stillwater Project has been meeting for 6 months now. They have discussed Respect, Responsibility, Honesty, Caring, Attitude, and now Courtesy. The Stillwater Project asserts that these characteristics are first cousins of each other. Each character trait tempers and shapes the next. What they mean is that Honesty means little if it is not tempered with a Caring heart; Respect means little if it is not shaped by a Courteous spirit.

Asked what Courtesy means to them, the Stillwater Project sited all the character traits discussed to date and added some others too. Here are the results:

The Stillwater Project:

Courtesy

Respectful
Honest
Caring
Responsible
Kind
Polite
Listen more than talk
Thoughtful
Putting the needs of others before one's own
Being Generous
Giving
Looking people in the eye

The Stillwater Project then put the term to the test by roll playing. Two of the group staged a dialogue while a third joined the group. The third was friendly and engaging, but the two ignored her. Then, in the scripted scenario, one in the group responded to a cell phone call and ignored the other two. The Stillwater Project then assessed the circmstance with the following suggestions of courtesy:

Make others welcome
Smile and engage newcomers
In most situations, do not receive cell phone calls or text messaging when you are talking with others, in class, or at a dinner table (it was noted that there may be exceptions to this rule especially if you are expecting an important call from your parents, etc.)

The Stillwater Project concluded with some light and spirited banter. Ultimately, being courteous is putting the Golden Rule into Practice: Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Rope up with a 13 year old and take a walk on the wild side. Step into life and the real world. Don't talk about the way things used to be. Find out how they really are. If someone has a tongue ring, ask to see it. If someone has a tattoo, tell them how nice it looks. Show some interest in others. Not everyone is the captain of the football team or a straight A student. Find out about people. Listen more than talk. Look people in the eye.

See you on the Mountain. Jeff

Lost and Found

2009-01-29T16:06:00.001-08:00

Dedicated to those you love who are sometimes lost and hard to find.

Being lost is a hopeless feeling. You don't have to be deeply lost or lost for a long time before you wonder if you will be found. A small child just one aisle over from his mother in a grocery store will scream in panic. In the 1996 tragedy on Mt. Everestt some of those who perished were found within a stone's throw from shelter. Being lost is a hopeless feeling.

When you are lost it doesn't matter how you got lost. It doesn't matter if the error belongs to you, or someone else, or the conditions around you. When you are lost all that matters is the heroic efforts of those who search to find you.

Like those lost in the woods or on a mountain or in a grocery store are the lost souls around us. These are dear people who lose their way. They become separated from hope, direction, and those who love them.

These lost souls can be overlooked by those around them. They can go unnoticed by the best of churches, pastors, and people. They can go unnoticed by faithful and caring employers and workmates. They can go unnoticed at the local pub and the local gym. They can go unnoticed at school. Has anyone seen Jim? No, not in a while....

The lost may continue to function for a while. Even someone stranded on a mountain can survive. But in time and panic a person can make unhealthy choices. Crying out to be found a person can step right over the edge. Some simply "check out." John Krakauer's book "Into the Wild" tells the true story of a disallusioned young man who perishes in his self-absorbed pondering.

In the end it doesn't matter how a person becomes lost. All that matters is the heroic efforts of a person like you to find the soul who needs to be found.

You, dear friend, are a good shepherd. You search for lost sheep. You are relentless. You are persistent. You search until you find. The question for you is not how a person got lost. The question for you is how you will find him; how you will reach him; how you will invest in his soul. The question for you is how will you see him better, hear him better, and sense him better. No one will go unnoticed on your watch.

Let's rope up together, you and me. Let's rope up and search for those who are lost. It doesn't matter how they got lost. What matters is how we, together, will find the lost and help them back into a warm and caring community. Write someone a letter of encouragement and hope. Call someone on the phone and let them know you are thinking of them. Give someone an unexpected gift. Pray. Say kind and good things about others. Invite people to join you. Never let people sit alone -- unless they want to. Listen. Smile. Dry a tear. Put away your watch and take some time.

I am found when I am with you.

Jeff on the mountains.

Climbing Higher

2009-01-24T16:01:00.001-08:00

Climbing a mountain is no easy fete. It is not for the weak of heart of the ill prepared. Climbing a mountain is all uphill. It is fraught with obstacles and adverse conditions. The unexpected is around every corner. More people stop and turn around than those who ever reach the summit.

Life is not so easy either. Life, like climbing a mountain, is not for the weak of heart of the ill prepared. There are obstacles and adverse conditions. There are unexpected events and circumstances every day. There are times when you simply must sit down; take a rest; and call out for help. Its o.k. if you take a breather or turn back. That's called being wise on a mountain. No sense taking unnecessary risks. There is no shame in knowing your limitations. Stay roped together. Climb with those who are wise and prudent. Be prepared to catch those who stumble or fall.

Abraham had to climb a mountain. I am speaking Abraham the father of many nations and fellow patriarch with Isaac and Jacob. In old age God blessed Abraham and his wife, Sarah, with a son, Isaac. Then, when Isaac is entering manhood, God tells Abraham to take his son Isaac to the top of a mountain and sacrifice him there. There's a thankless climb.

But Abraham trusted God. Today, leadership is based upon the vision of the one leading. Leadership is knowing what you are doing and where you are going. But Abraham didn't know what he was doing. He may not even have known where he was going. But Abraham trusted God. No complaint about the task ahead or the climb at hand. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Better than knowing what you are doing or where you are going is trusting that God does.

On the way up the mountain Isaac asks the obvious: Father, the fire and the knife are here; but where is the lamb for sacrifice? Ah, sweet innocence. It is always easier to sacrifice someone else's lamb, isn't it? But when it is your own lamb, or your own pride, or your own way, or your own direction, then sacrifice gets difficult. God will provide, Abraham replied. Somehow, someway, God will provide.

When Abraham and Isaac got to the top God said, "Abraham, do not harm the boy." When Abraham looked up he saw a ram stuck in a thicket and available for sacrifice. God had provided. There's a view from the summit: God is in control. God provides. Always.

You are not alone on the mountain. Jesus, the Lamb of God, climbed Calvary for you and me and with each of us, our needs, and our hurts heaped upon His back. Plenty of obstacle. Plenty of adversity. He could have turned back. But He didn't. There on the top of the mountain God sacrificed His only Son, His pride, His Joy and His delight for all. In that perfect moment God reconciled the world to Himself. If you stumble or fall, Jesus is there to pick you up.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Trust God. Give Him the lead. Let Him take hold of you. And when climbing with others, give them lots of slack. We're not here to point out when people stumble and fall. We're are here to help them to their feet. Be positive. Be hopeful. Be an encourager. Climbing mountains is hard wor. So is life. Help each other to the top.

I love you. Jeff

Iron Men

2009-01-16T09:25:00.000-08:00

Greek mythology recounts the story of Atlas holding up the world. What would it look like if daily we were holding up each other? Can you see yourself carrying the burdens of a weaker brother or sister? Can you see yourself listening more and talking less? When someone stumbles or falls -- or completely blunders! -- can you see yourself coming along side with mercy and forgiveness?

Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." It is a beautiful image of a similar truth, "Two are better than one for in them is a greater return for their work." It doesn't really matter how well any of us can do it alone. We are designed to do it together. As iron sharpens iron, we sharpen each other. We make each other stronger; more hopeful; more able. We do it in an environment of mercy and encouragment. When one stumbles the other is there to pick him up. When one is cold the other is there to provide warmth and protection.

The greatest joys of another are our joys. And they can be simple joys, too. They can be trivial joys. We are happy for you. We are not jealous or envious. If you get a new car, or new home, we are happy for you. If your son or daughter or grandchild makes the team, we are happy for you. Hey, if you get a tattoo or navel piercing, we want to see it! We are not looking or expecting anyone else to be any better than what we are at our worst. We all want to fit in and be accepted.

And the greatest sorrows of another belong to us, too. No matter how big or how small. We are not here to tell you to get over it or to get through it. One day or a thousand, if you are hurting we are hurting with you. We want to listen. We want to walk with you. We want to hold you up.

Isaiah 64:8 says, "But you, O Lord, you are the potter. We are the clay. We are the work of your hands." Notice the object of God's shaping: We are. God is molding "us" together. He does not mold us into individuals. He molds us into a community in His image. As the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are One, so are we. We are one, the work of God's hands.

From time to time we are going to fail. We are going to drop the ball. We are going to drop you. We are going to drop each other. Make no excuse. Don't bother defending yourself. Humbly say, "I am sorry." Ask for forgiveness. We are here to carry you, too. It happens. To all of us. We live in a community of hope. A community of mercy. A community of peace. We sharpen each other. We hold each other up. We are here to make people feel better about themselves and closer to each other.

Here is a mountain man challenge. Will you join me? Call someone on the phone and see how they are doing. Don't be nosy. Don't pry. But ask how things are going. Ask about their family. Ask about work. Listen. Drop a note in the mail. Tell someone you are thinking of them. Try new language. Say "I love you," and mean it. Say "I am thinking of you" and do. And if by circumstance you have dropped the ball, maybe you have hurt someone you love, go see them face to face. No email. Not even a phone call -- except to make a date. Go see them. It might be hard. You might have to humble yourself. But cross the bridge. Allow the other person to share his or her hurts. Make no excuse. Don't explain yourself unless they ask you to. Then look them in the eye. Say "I have hurt you. And you are somone I love. I am sorry. Will you forgive me." It can be hard. But I am here to hold you up.

Thanks for climbing...I love you very much. Jeff

The Stillwater Project: Attitude

2009-01-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

The monthly meeting of the Stillwater Project met this morning. The Stillwater Project is a think tank of seasoned veterans of character, its understanding, and how it is best fostered in the lives of others. Our task this morning was Attitude.

One can hardly say "attitude" without then ascribing to it adjectives of "good" and "bad." If you have a bad attitude then well meaning others will come to your assistance by announcing and encouraging "you should have a good attitude!" Well, that makes sense -- but it is about as accessible as heighth is to a short person. Can you imagine saying to a short person, "You should have a taller body?" So why would we say to someone with a "bad" attitude, "you should have a good one?" Maybe we could learn something of character by learning why a person's attitude is "bad." Or maybe, it is not so much a "bad" attitude as a "hurting" attitude.

You will remember that the Stillwater Project is a class of 13 year olds at a local Middle School. They live in the trenches of reality. I imagine daily that someone in this group is being told to adjust his or her attitude. "You should be happy!" Or something like that. I opted for a different route: "If you were hurting, what would make you hurt? Tell me the top 5 things that come to your heart and mind." Know what they listed?

The Stillwater Project: Attitude

Top 5 things that make you hurt

Death of a loved one (half the class had experienced the death of a loved one in the last 6 months)
Divorce (half of the class had experienced the divorce of parents)
Parent in the Service and away from home (one quarter of the class had experienced this)
Moving (only a few had ever moved in their life)
Someone hurting your feelings (all had had their feelings hurt)

We learned that instead of telling someone to have a good attitude it might be better to find out why they have the attitudes they do.

Did you know that some 200 of the world's best climbers have perished on Mt. Everest? It is true. World reknowned athletes. But in certain conditions even the best cannot go on. It is not that they were not strong enough, or good enough. But strong and good as they were, they could not master the conditions. Maybe death or divorce can seem like carrying 40 lbs on your back at 26,000 feet. Telling a young person to "have a good attitude" probably doesn't cut it. But it might help if you came along side to help carry their load.

Rather than discussing "What is a Good Attitude" the Stillwater Project discussed what would be ways to assist someone with a more hopeful, or healthy attitude. In mountaineering terms, how might you carry someone else's attitude, or lighten their attitude or come along side? Here is what they came up with.

The Stillwater Project: Attitude

How to Carry the Attitude of the Person you are Climbing with

Listen more, talk less
Ask questions but don't prior or be too nozy; give people "space."
Telling someone to have a good attitude does not work!
Spend time with the person who is hurting
Do something that he or she likes to do -- go to the movies, go out to eat
Show interest
Look people in the eye
Admit if you don't know what to say
Say "I'm sorry" -- not for doing wrong, but because they other person is hurting
Ask what would be helpful.

We reached new heights. This is an amazing group of young people and I am honored to be a part of it. They allow me to rope up with them and I feel safer on the climb. We hike once a month. You are always welcome to join us.

Here's a mountain man challenge: If you see someone with a "bad" attitude don't be too quick to tell them to lighten up. Come along side. Listen to what might be hurting. Help to carry the load.

Climbing with you,

Jeff on the mountains.

New Beginnings

2009-01-05T14:47:00.000-08:00

Let's take a hike, shall we? Let's take a hike on a trail we have never hiked before. It is a hike, however, that we have heard is very beautiful. There are beautiful vistas and an incredible waterfall at the end.. Let's pack up the pack -- but bring only the essentials. We don't need to pack extra weight. We may need to leave a few things behind. We want to lighten the load.

The first step is in a new direction. That is the reality of taking a hike. You cannot go someplace new and remain where you are at. With each step you take you get farther and farther down the road. It is not necessarily easy. You may even need a little coaxing. You might be tempted to turn around. But don't give in too easily. We're here for each other, o.k.? You encourage me. I'll encourage you. Maybe there will be others on the trail, too, urging us on. "Its worth it," they say.

Allow me a little metaphor, o.k.? I think it is time for a new beginning. I think it is time to take a hike. I think you will be blessed by a change of scenery. I am not talking about running away or throwing in the towel. I am especially not talking about going off by yourself. Not at all. But I am talking about starting over. Getting a fresh start. Forgiving yourself. Giving yourself permission to be you. Taking your own time. Doing it your own way. Not in a selfish way. Not in a reckless way, either. But also not in a way that is burdened and weighed down with the expectations of others, or what you have been led to believe everyone else -- even God -- expects of you.

I recently went on a hike with someone I love. We didn't finish the trail, per se. But we did come to a great destination: We sat down on a log in the woods, ate a sandwich, and had a glass of wine in the pouring rain. It was awesome. It was better than a mountain vista or a waterfall -- and I loved both of those immensely. We were together. We were not consumed by life's concerns or problems. We were not consumed by judgements and unmet expectations.

What I envision for our hike is a pack that is filled with only the essentials...no heartaches from last year...no pent up angers....no disappointments.....no burdens and judgements of what you should have done, or should not have done. I want to say something gently -- not in any official or superior way. Just as a friend. As someone who loves you. Someone who cares for you. Someone who would gladly carry your pack for a while. You are forgiven -- not in the sense that you have done something wrong. But in the sense that I care about you. You are a blessing to me. You make a difference in my life. I would not want you any other way.

You are a good husband. You are a good wife. You are a good parent. You are a good child. You are a great member of the church. You are a great student. You are a good member of the team. You make the band sound better. You make a difference in other people's lives. You do. You make a difference in my life. I like who you are. I like that you are on the trail with me.

I like it when you carry my load. Today, I would like to carry your load. I would gently, humbly, graciously like to help you to put some things behind you and to press on toward what is ahead of you. We may need to stop and rest a bit. We may need to sit down and cry. That's o.k. I am up to it. You may want me to listen. But if you will allow me, I would like never to go away. I would like to stay roped up with you. I would like to finish the journey together.

If you will allow me to be close, I was wondering....

What is your biggest goal in life right now and how can I help you with that?
What are your greatest satisfactions?
What would you like to do before you die?
What do you think is your greatest purpose?
Tell me about a dream you are having?
In what way can I be a better friend?

I love you -- and I am trying to learn to listen.

Jeff on the mountain.

Seeing Jesus

2008-12-29T11:35:00.000-08:00

Can you imagine anything more splendid than seeing Jesus? Can you imagine staring into the manger of Bethlehem? Can you imagine peeking into the empty tomb? Can you imagine staring into the clouds at the resurrected and ascending Jesus? Can you imagine? What would it be like to see Jesus?

In the Spring of 2006, Newill and Colleen Cerak of Gaylord, Michigan received the phone call that every parent dreads: Their 18 year old daughter Whitney had been killed in an automobile accident. The Cerak's grieved, and received comfort and peace from the truths of God's Word and grace: Whitney was with Jesus in heaven. But nothing could have prepared them, then, for the phone call they received some 5 weeks later. It was believed that there had been a mistaken identity at the accident site and that Whitney was not dead, but alive. Can you imagine? What would it be like to see your daughter after believing her dead? Colleen Cerak couldn't believe her eyes. After the making the excruciating 3 hour drive to the care facility where Whitney was recuperating, Colleen Cerak walked into her daughter's room to see her daughter face to face. "It was the most beautiful moment of my life." Perhaps in that moment Colleen could see Jesus.

I wonder if that is what Simeon experienced when seeing the infant Jesus? In Luke chapter 2 we read of Mary and Joseph taking their infant son Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem to consecrate him to the Lord. This took place 40 days after Jesus' birth, according to the Laws of Moses. Simeon had lived his entire life waiting on the Lord -- waiting to see the consolation of Israel; waiting to see the promised Messiah. What would that be like to wait all of your life for something; to have nothing else on your heart or mind; can you imagine.

Psalm 130 says, "My soul waits on the Lord. More than watchman wait for the morning; more than watchman wait for the morning. My soul waits on the Lord."

Then, in one miraculous, beautiful moment Mary and Joseph enter the temple with their infant son and the Holy Spirit reveals to Simeon, "This is Jesus." What must Simeon felt in that moment? What must have been on his mind and heart? Do you suppose that in that moment nothing else mattered? Do you think in the purity of that moment Simeon no longer cared about the political and economic climate of Jerusalem; no longer cared about beggars and scoundrels; no longer cared about anything or anyone.

Simeon broke into sponateous song, "Lord, now let your servant depart in peace for my eyes have seen your salvattion which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel." Simeon's life was complete. There was nothing else really to experience. With prophet Isaiah Simeon could say, "My soul delights greatly in the Lord...and He has adorned me in robes of righteousness and crowned my head with jewels."

From time to time our hearts can be broken. We can be disappointed by ummet expectations. People, who are people, are prone to fail us, just as we sometimes fail others. We can become overwhelmed with politics and the economy, our children's school, and even our church from time to time. When we look to long and hard at our disappointments we can become consumed.

It is good to have a different point of view. It can be good to see something new. When Colleen Cerak saw her daughter come back to life I imagine that there was nothing else on her heart or mind, and the same thing when Simeon saw the infant Jesus. When you see Jesus nothing else really matters.

Let's climb Mt. Zion together. Take a peek in the manger. Look up at the cross. Gaze into the empty tomb. Stare into the clouds and see the resurrected and ascended Jesus. How does everything in your life take on a gracious place in view of Jesus? Can you see yourself a little more at peace? A little less anxious? A little more forgiven -- and forgiving? Rope up with Jesus. Let Jesus take the lead for a while. Allow Jesus to carry the load. You are doing great. You really are. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes your hurts are great. Sometimes we can worry and be overwhelmed for those we love. Take a breath. Quiet your heart. Look at Jesus again.

I love you very much. There is no one I would rather climb with than you. I am praying for you today. I am praying you see Jesus today.

Jeff on the mountains.

The Legend of the Starfish

2008-12-22T08:11:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to Sally, a friend I met for the first time just last week. She was kind -- not even knowing me -- and it made a difference.

Perhaps you have heard The Legend of the Starfish before. It is always worth hearing again.

According to the Legend, a man walked along the seashore. With each step he encountered starfish stranded on the beach by the outgoing tide. The starfish were dying in the sun.

The man bent down, picked up a starfish, and returned it to the surf and to life. Then he did the same with another starfish, and then another, and another and another. The man was determined.

Another beach comber came his way and was perplexed by what the man casting the starfish was doing. "Sir," he inquired. "What are you doing?"

The man casting the starfish explained the plight of these stranded creatures. He went on to explain that he would walk the length of the beach and cast his little friends to a fresh start in life.

"But sir," the newfound companion objected again. "This beach is miles long and there are countless starfish stranded here. It will hardly make a difference at all!"

With that the man casting starfish bent down, picked up a starfish, and threw it into the surf. "It made a differenc to that one," he said.

The world can be a cynicle and sarcastic place. People can object to even the kindest of gestures and attempts of another person. We can conclude that our modest and feable attempts at kindness do not make a difference.

Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Don't second guess the actions that are cast from your heart of love. And don't let the cynical and sarcastic steal your joy, either. Smile. Love. And keep making a difference.

Give an extra tip to the waitress you have learned is a single mother of two.
Walk up to children at church before and after the servcie and ask about their school, or their sports, or the things they enjoy. You don't have to know them to be kind.
Always take extra money with you when you go shoppoing and always put it in the Salvation Army bucket -- it does make a difference!
Seek out the food shelters and shelters for the homeless and hungry of your community and donate regularly. Whenever you buy groceries for yourself make it a practice of getting exra for the needy.
Remember when gas was over $3 a gallon? Now it is almost half that. The next time you fill up at the gas station, consider a portion or all of your savings to be given to someone else in need.
Resist and reject every temptation of "being negative" that surfaces in your heart. Being critical is NOT the same as critical thinking.
Adopt a family -- a newly married couple; a young family with a new baby; an elderly couple you know. How can you be a blessing today? Stop by to visit. Keep them in your prayers. Inquire of them -- and listen!
Say something kind -- always! Get up in the morning with something kind to say about others. Not mere flattery or something superficial. But genuinely kind things to say.
Show interest in people. Don't be easily bothered by others. Don't allow impatience and disappointment to steal your joy. People are people. You, on the other hand, climb mountains. You blaze the trail. You are strong. You bear the weaknesses of the weak and you make a differnce. cf. Galatians 6:1-2

You make a huge difference! You make a difference in my life. I appreciate you spending this time with me here today...this coffee in hand....your model....your example....your roping up with me. You make my load lighter. You make my trail easier. You make the summit seem a little closer.

God bless you richly. You make a difference to me. I love you very much.

Jeff on the mountains.

Safe and Secure

2008-12-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

You know me to be a moutain man even if I live at sea level. Mountains, for me, are metaphors of the new and never been done before. Every trail above sea leavel offers new views and challenges even if you have hiked it before. As Bear Grylls, of "Man Vs. Wild" fame, said of climbing Everest at age 23, "I did not conquer Everest; Rather, Everest allowed me to crawl up one side and stay on the peak for a few minutes." We never conquer mountains, and we would never presume to. This is what I love about the new and never been done before either. When you do something for the first time you are free and forgiven. It is like the first words and the first steps of a baby. No one has any judgement or expectation and they cheer even the most modest of accomplishments. If you miss a golf shot, no big deal. But Tiger Woods? You get what I mean. This is the way of mountains, the new, and the never been done before.

Recently, I climbed a mountain with my nephew though really we barely took a step.

I had gone home to the great north west to visit home and family and to breathe the mountain air of the Cascades. Ah, home. That we would hunger so much for each other! While there, my nephew, Ryan, took me skeet shooting.

What a fine young man and so gifted at making me (others?) to feel so at home. Ryan is affectionate and affirming. He is also accepting and unassuming. You will forgive the alliteration; it is just the way he is. And I am the better for it.

I had never been skeet shooting before and Ryan, well, Ryan has. He was great and I wasn't. He was the teacher and coach and I was there to learn. And Ryan did such a good job of keeping me safe and secure.

Isn't it marvelous when someone your younger is now charged with your care? Isn't it marvelous to have someone else so meticulously guide and direct you so that you are "at home" and so "at ease" when you are out of your element? Ryan showed me how to properly load the gun, address the target area, what to do when I was shooting, and what to do when I was not.

Ryan blasted clay pigeon after clay pigeon out of the air, while I, with each errant shot could only ask, "What am I doing wrong?" Ah, such bitter, demanding judgement we lay on ourselves sometimes. Like children watching any of their sports heroes I watched Ryan. I figured if I did exactly what he did then I would match him shot for shot.

Again and again he assured me, "You're doing great!" And when I finally got my first clay pigeon he smiled and gave me the "thumbs up." It was like a child's first goal in soccer or his first piano recital. You did it.

We had summited, safe and secure. We had reached the height of our climb. I didn't conquer anything. If I were to go out duck hunting the ducks would most likely live another day. But I was allowed to crawl up one side of something new and sit on its peak for a few moments. The bruise on my shoulder reminds me that I didn't do everything correctly -- and that it is o.k. to not be the best at everthing.

I wonder, what if it hadn't been skeet shooting? What if it had been anything where one person is really good and the other person is just learning? How might each of us, each day, go out of our way to share our loves and our passions and the things we are good at, and at the same time doing it in a way that the other person always feels safe and secure....at ease and at "home" -- at home and at church, in a classroom and around the table, playing the piano or trombone or saxaphone, playing football or running cross country, or whatever? It doesn't really matter what we are doing, does it? So long as we are doing it together...so long as we are affectionate and affirming, accepting and unsssuming. Forgive the alliteration.

I love you, Rye-man! Thanks for roping up and taking the lead.

See you on the mountains, Jeff

The Stillwater Project: Honesty

2008-12-04T11:55:00.000-08:00

The Stillwater Project met today for their monthly meeting. The Stillwater Project is a group of thirty 13 year olds who charged with the task of teaching character qualities in a tangible and relevant way. Past words of consideration are Responsiblity, Respect, and Caring. Today's word was Honesty. This is no small order for anyone, but the Stillwater Project is not interested in small orders anyway.

The Stillwater Project begain rather lightly. It is good when doing big things to sometimes start out small, to rub some elbows, and to connect again. It is exciting to see this group implement and put into practice the qualities they are studying. A discussion of Honesty, for instance, is conducted in an environment and context in which group members are already committed to qualities of respect, responsibility and caring. The Stillwater Project is a team, if not a family of sorts.

"The Empty Pot" served as a discussion prompter. If you have not read this children's story you must. It is one of those "big things in little packages."

"The Empty Pot" is about a Chineese emporer looking for someone to succeed him. His love for flowers prompts him to conclude that he will name as successor any child who brings him the most lovely flower. Each child is given a seed to plant and nurture and water.

One boy named "Ping" does all he can to grow the most beautiful flower but nothing happens. He changes the soil, tends, waters, and tends again. But the seed will not sprout. He is sad and ashamed. He will be bringing an empty pot to the emporer.

Every other child jeers and taunts Ping. He is the only one without a flower to offer the emporer. He is also the only one who can offer the King an honest, reponsible, and respectful successor.

The King set out to test the boys. Each boy was given a seed that had been boiled -- it was no longer able to sprout and grow. Clearly, each of the other boys had set out to deceive rather than to confess their difficulty and shame. Ping's honesty and integrity were more lovely than any flower and were character qualities reflective of anyone succeeding the emporer.

After hearty discussion, the Stillwater Project drew the following conclusions of Honesty, what it is, and what is not:

The Stillwater Project:

Honesty

truth
trustworthy
helpful
kind
nice
responsible, respectful and caring

The Stillwater Project further discussion also revealed that being honest is not just the same as being "accurate." Honesty has qualities of kindness and help included in its essence. One can say something that is accurate but not necessarily kind or nice. That would not be honest. Honesty has an essence of encouragment, nurture, and hope.

I left the Stillwater Project today on top of a mountain! Would you join me? I walked away wondering how I might be an encouragement to someone else? How might be speech edify and build up? Is there anything I could say to help someone else, or to make them feel good about themself? Not just flattery or nice talk, but honest, helpful, and respectful talk?

I love you. Thanks for climbing with me.

Jeff on the mountains.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-25T07:21:00.000-08:00

The mountain man and his 3 "mountain goats" are going backpacking for Thanksgiving. We're setting a few traditions aside as we set out on the trail for some quality time together. We are going to Hemmed In Hollow in Northwest Arkansas. We will bask together in the glories of a 200 foot waterfall and hearts that flow freely with thanksgiving.

Now the nature of a waterfall -- be it Hemmed in Hollow, The Niagra Falls, or Multnomah Falls -- is that the water falls. That is the nature of waterfalls. The water never remains where it has been. It does not flow uphill or upstream. Each surrenders itself to the forces of gravity and is in constant flow. We can talk about the conditions that contribute to the waterfalling, like the annual rainfall and snowmelt, but in the end the nature remains the same: The water falls.

In similar fashion the nature of thanksgiving is that thanks are given. As waterfalls fall so also thanks flow freely. That is the nature of thanksgiving. Thanks never remain where they have been. They do not stop or back up along the way. Thanks leap. They dance. They descend, ascend and gush forth! Thanks are alive. Like the falling water surrendering itself to the forces of gravity thanks surrender themselves to the forces of a grateful heart, a cup that overflows, and more of God's mercies than we can count or imagine. The nature of a waterfall is that the water falls, and the nature of thanksgiving is that thanks are given.

We might talk about the reasons for our thanksgiving in the same way we talk about rainfall and snowmelt. There is good health and good circumstances. There are our children and grandchildren and their successes in music and school and sports. There are our homes, the food on our table, and the clothes we enjoy. There is our nation, our freedom, and the opportunity to vote for what we desire and what we do not.

But what if we had none of these things? Could we still give thanks? Thanks are not so much a matter of what you have, but what you are giving. Thanksgiving does not ask "What do you have?" Thanksgiving asks "Are you thanful?"

Our nation is facing economic challenges and the changing of leadership. Would we still give thanks? Each of us is aging and few of us enjoy the same health we did a year ago. Would we still give thanks? Each of us has said "good bye" to those we love and seen the change and hurt in the lives of loved ones. Would we still give thanks? We cherish our children and grandchildren, but how many of us are anxious about their surroundings and the choices they sometimes make? Would we still give thanks?

1 Chronicles 16:8 encourages thansgiving as a matter of who God is and what God does. "Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done."

Psalm 100:4 says that thanksgiving abounds in the presence of God. "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to the Lord and call on His name."

1 Corinthians 15:57 gives cause for thanksgiving even in the midst of death. "The sting of death is sin and the power of sin is the law but thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Thanks are not a matter of what you have. Thanks are a matter of what you are giving. Like a water fall thanks flow freely. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Be joyful always; pray continuously; give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." God's will is that we give thanks. At the feeding of the five thousand Jesus was surrounded by anxious and hungry people. He took two fish and five loaves of bread, looked to His Father in fatih, and gave thanks, John 6:11.

What if we had nothing? What if we had nothing at all -- if it were all taken from us? We would still give thanks to God for He is good and His mercy endures forever. With Job we could say, "I know that my Redeemer lives and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And even if my flesh is destroyed yet with my own eyes I will see God," Job 19:25.

Could we have more? Could we have better? We already have more than enough, more than we can count, and more than we deserve. We have what God gives and for all of it we give thanks.

I'm heading off to the Falls with my 3 little "mountain goats." We will marvel at the wonders of falling water. Where does it come from and why does it never stop? But we will marvel more at God's mercies which are new every morning, and for these we will give thanks.

I love you. Blessed thanksgiving. Jeff on the mountains.

Stillwater Project: Caring

2008-11-07T16:01:00.000-08:00

The monthly meeting of the Stillwater Project met this last Thursday. The Stillwater Project is a "think tank" of excellent minds gathered to discuss social dynamics and concerns. The goals of the Stillwater Group is to master positive character qualities and foster them among themselves and others of the community. Past projects were focused on Respect and Responsibility. This month's focus was"Caring."

The discussion began with a presentation of "The Rule of 32." This is an exercise that puts people into the role of innitiative and caring for others. "The Rule of 32" encourages that individuals have at least 3 questions of concern for for someone else and at least 2 statements of interest if someone should ask a question of you. "The Rule of 32" insists upon interaction. Interaction is the first step of Caring for others. When we care for others we see them; we realize them; we engage them; we interact with them. "How are you?" "Where are you from?" "What do you enjoy?" are some ways to demonstrate you Care. As well, if someone asks you anything be able to respond with a comment or two that is genuine, sincere, and transparent. "I am doing great!" "I just got back from a business trip." "I enjoy my 7th grade English teacher very much!"

We then discussed people of our community who would benefit from Care. What we learned is that everyone benefits from Care -- from every child in your class, to your teacher or pastor, your coach, the checker at PriceCutter, and you name it. As well, if not moreso, the Stillwater Group specifically mentioned those who are homeless, those who are unemployed, those who are from other countries -- Africa, Mexico, and Asia, those who are in nursing homes, those who are injured or ill, someone whose parents just got divorced, someone who recently lost a loved one, and someone who is lonely. The Stillwater Project determined that if somone is walking through a lunch room looking for a place to sit what they are really looking for is someone to say, "Hey, come sit with us!" Giving someone a chair is not caring. Sitting with someone is.

The Stillwater Project then moved into parallel and companion terms of Caring. These are their conclusions:

The Stillwater Project:

Caring is --

being loving
being helpful and giving help to others
showing compassion for others
showing interests in others
seeking to understand -- walking a mile in somone else's shoes
being kind
being nice
listening
being considerate
being respectful
putting the needs of others before your own

There you have it. You will recall the creditials of The Stillwater Group: They are 13 year olds at a local middle school. They are openly and earnestly discussing life changing and world changing qualities. Leave the degrees on the wall. Forget the thesis and term projects. The Stillwater Group is doing it. They are putting character education to the test and they are at the top of the class.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Sit at the feet of the Stillwater Group and see what you can learn from them. Whoever you meet, wherever you meet them, always have three questions of interest followed by two statements of your own. Look around and see who will benefit from your Caring interest. Forget the politics and religion. Forget who has and who has not earned and deserved your conditional kindness.

Care; truly care.

Thanks for the coffee and the time together. You are awesome people. I love you very much. Jeff on the mountains.

A Friend from Australia

2008-10-30T06:20:00.000-07:00

I have a friend from Australia. In many ways we are worlds apart. And yet, we couldn't be closer either. We don't always see eye to ey, but I always love it when I see her. I love her very much.

Our worlds are as different as night and day as you can imagine. Her world is wild and rustic and untamed. Mine, by every comparison, is mediocre, midwestern, and almost plain. We are learning, slowly, to aprreciate each other's world. I would never say that we always "get it." But by listening, by honestly trying to listen, we are learning. And sometimes we even find ourselves smiling. She loves the outback. How exciting! I, on the other hand, am a simple, suburban guy. How bland.

My friend has many questions about where I live and what I think. This used to scare me. Her questions made me wonder if she just didn't agree, or if she didn't like where I was from. But you know what she is teaching me? She is teaching me that she would just like to know more about me, and what I like, and where I am from. I, on the other hand, would do well to ask similar questions. What is her world really like? What is it like to be her? How did she get to be the way she is?

My friend and I don't always speak the same language or the same way. How could we? Australia is a long way from America. Everything about her world is different than mine -- and not just the food and the water and the animals running wild. Her "world" is different. Her music is different. Her culture is different. Would I than expect her to think like me? Feel like me? Believe like me? Would her politics or economics be like mine? How could they be? We speak differently and think diferently -- but we are learning to be friends.

She doesn't dress anything like me. Never mind that she is half my age. She is someone else! She is unique. She is distinct. She doesn't have a tattoo or tongue ring -- yet! But what if someday she did? What if in her next trip the states she shows up looking different than I had seen her last? Am I ready receive her? To love her? To accept her just the way she is? I hope so. I pray so.

Friendship is an amazing thing, isn't it? The differences that at first attract us can later threaten us. Is it ever a tempation that the differences we first accept as fresh and exciting we later want to change?

Here's a mountain man challenge. Will you help me? The next time I try to change someone, gently remind me to stop. The next time I "need" to give an answer help me to listen. The next time I suggest that my life, my thoughts, my ways are better than someone else's smile at me, wink at me, and thank me -- say "Jeff, thank you for accepting me just the way I am!" I want you to take someone to lunch whom you know has different politics than you do -- and just listen. I want you to go to church with someone who goes to a different church -- and I want you to find three things you LOVE about this other person's church. I want you to do something you thought you would never do -- legal, ethical and moral, of course -- but go to a hockey game or ballet, go fly fishing or to an art museum. Go to Aurstalia if you can. But look at the world through someone else's eyes.

My friend from Australia is about the greatest person you would ever meet -- and just about as different, too! I can't wait to see her again.

I love you, Jeff

Building People

2008-10-11T06:52:00.001-07:00

Wouldn't it be great if you built houses for a living? You could write yourself an "action plan" that had clear and measurable objectives: We build starter homes that are unique, cozy, and affordable. We will build 10 homes this year, and increase productivity by 10 percent for the next five years. We will re-invest 10% profit into the business. In five years we will add to our profile mid-priced homes that include custom design. Our goal is to build afforadable and accessible housing that is a quailty and attractive product. Houses are concrete, measurable products. It would be great to build them.

But we don't build houses. We build people. We build people who are unique, dynamic, and ever changing. We build people who are complex and come with their own variables. People have varying reactions to varying situations. No one is the same and no one comes out the same even when you invest the same attention, energy, and information. Houses are a relatively static product. People are not.

Let's say our action plan reads something like this: By God's grace and providing -- its God's doing, not ours -- Mounain Man People Builders will be

Joyful and united in life and our approach to others
Bold and courageous
Child and Visitor Friendly
Centered, Focused and Directed by God's Word and Truth
Purposefully Outreaching -- we are always looking for the next person to meet, greet, and to invest in!

That's the plan. O.K.? Now, what's the program?

We are used to programs, aren't we? We are used to some "design." A home comes with a blueprint. Tell me the blueprint for people. Tell me the science. Tell me that when we have the right set of studies, the right set of sermons, if the leader is motivating enough, and the team is "connected enough," and when we all do the right thing the right way then everything will turn out right. Right? Probably not. We are building people. Not houses.

The temptation when people do not turn out right is to get a new "Coach" or a new "CEO" or a new "Leader" or new parents, or new whoever else we are blaming when people are not turning out right.

Forgive me, but maybe the problem is not the leader, the parent, the CEO. Maybe its you and me.

The Vision needs to stay the same. We need to keep building people. We need to keep being joyful and united. We need to keep being child and visitor friendly. We need to keep centering our life and direction from God's grace, Word, and promise. We need to keep reaching out to others. We need to keep being bold and courageous. We need to overcome our fears, inhibitions, and temptations to complain, argue, and blame others. The vision needs to stay the same.

It is "we" who need to change. You and me. Not others. No program. No plan. No blueprint. Except the program, plan, and blueprint that begins with you and me. The world changes with us. We change. We are not looking for a better community, or better church, or better anything. We are looking to be better people -- by God's grace and by His design.

It is God who is building us. It is grace that is building us. And when we fail and fall short we are forgiven and we begin again. When we are not united and joyful, when we care more about ourselves than children and strangers, when we are not courageous, when we are not rooted in God's Word, when we are not reaching out to the next soul, we are forgiven. And we are designed and planned to begin again.

Philiippians 1:6, "God is daily bringing to completion the good work He has begun in us." In other words, He is still building; still planning; still programming you and me into His perfect image.

Will you join me? We are not buildling houses. We are building people. Here's the mountain man challenge: Forget the plan and program. Take a look at people today. Smile. Show some interest. Listen. Be connected. Find children. Love unconditionally. Be bold and courageous. Do something different today. Be hopeful. Give hope to others. Hitch up with someone and help them to the top. Help someone tie a lure on their line. Take someone fishing. Go to breakfast with someone. Share your story. Ask about someone else's story. Hmmmmm. Sounds more and more like a plan to me.

I love you. I like climbing with you. Jeff on the mountains.

Sammy

2008-10-09T07:01:00.001-07:00

She was one of those girls that didn't always fit in. I can't tell you why. She wasn't any more awkward than any other 14 year old girl wanting to fit in. But she didn't.

Maybe its a momentum thing. You know, like when everything goes right it goes right? And when everything goes wrong, well it goes wrong. That's the way it seemed for Sammy.

Sammy was an o.k. student. She struggled in pre-algebra, but not terribly. She liked English the best, and particularly writing. But whenever she had to get up to read her essays or poems she felt like no one was listening.

Sammy did make the volleyball team and that was cool. But most of the girls played together on a club team so she never really felt like part of the group. She overheard them all talking about a party that was coming up. It was clear that she wasn't invited. She didn't know how she felt about this. She didn't really like parties that much anyway. But still she wondered why she wasn't invited. Why was it that she just didn't fit in.

One day Sammy caught my attention. I can't tell you why. She just did. For whatever reason on this day I looked at this girl, pleasant enough in every way, but a girl who didn't seem to fit in. I asked the question in my heart that she must have asked herself everyday: What is the matter? Why not?

I wondered what it must be like to be so lonely, or so all alone. I wondered what it would be like to wander around the lunch room looking for an empty chair but really wanting for someone to holler, "Hey, Sammy! Come sit with us!" If it's a drag being picked last for sports teams what does it feel like when no one wants to be your lab partner in biology.

I started to wonder why a person like Sammy might be the way she is -- why she might lack confidence or that positive and healthy energy that attracts good and fun attention? Why doesn't Sammy fit in? Is she ill in some way? Did something bad happen in her life to steal her joy? Were her parents divorced or having troubles? Had she been abused somehow? Does her dad have one of those jobs where people say bad things about him? Did her family lose their house in a fire or something like that? Why?

Then something else came to me: Maybe it doesn't matter "why" Sammy is the way she is. Who cares why Sammy is the way she is. What really matters is that Sammy, just like me and everyone else I know, would like to fit in; to have friends; to be included. I wondered what it would be like if I, or anyone, just walked up to her and said, "Hey, Sammy. Join us for lunch?" Or "Hey, Sammy, how was your week-end?" Or "Hey, Sammy, a bunch of us are studying history together and then going out for some ice cream. Come along?" Or "Hey, Sammy, I really like your outfit today, or your new hair style, or whatever."

And so I would! I would walk right up to Sammy and invite her to join us for lunch -- the next day! I even talked to some friends about it. They agreed that would be a cool thing to do. They also agreed they had wondered, too, about Sammy and why she didn't fit in. Tomorrow was the day.

But tomorow never came. Sammy moved away. I don't know where she moved. I don't know what she is doing. I hope wherever she went she is happy and that she fit ins. I hope she married and has great children. I hope she is a part of a church where she is always welcome. Greater than great sermons, and great hymns and great prayers, I pray that every week when she walks in someone walks up and says, "Sammy, how's your week? What's going on? Sit with me today?"

I am sorry, Sammy. I am sorry it took so long to notice. It is a small consolation, but I am trying to learn. I am trying to open my eyes. I am trying to open my heart. I am trying see people just the way they are. I fail. Maybe if you are reading this, and you know me, you would say I am failing you. But I would like to learn; I would like to do better.

Here's a mountain man challenge: Will you join me. Let's look for people today. All people. Let's step into people's lives. Always have a question or two of interest for people you meet. Ask people their names. And if you forget, ask again. Look people in the eye. Smile. Include people in what you are doing. Give people the opportunity to say "No thank you." But never leave people wondering, "I wonder why I wasn't invited."

Thank you for climbing with me. I am safer knowing you are with me. When I fall you are there to catch me. I also enjoy your company. Jeff on the mountains.

The Stillwater Project: Responsibility

2008-10-05T21:06:00.001-07:00

The Stillwater Project met this last week. The Stillwater Project is a monthly "think tank" of character specialists. We meet at an area middle school to discuss and foster character qualities in youth. I am privileged to meet with this esteemed group.

This month the Stillwater Project met to discuss Responsibility. Responsibility is a tall topic for anyone, let alone twenty-five 12 and 13 year olds.

The project began with everyone getting a gummy finger puppet. Sounds simple enough, right? If not even "silly?" But when discussing responsibility its nice to begin with a hands on project. Do you know that without giving much direction a classroom of 12 and 13 will make sure that everyone gets "one." I like that. While many may sometimes ask "am I my brother's keeper," the Stillwater Group is here to say "yes." When we are responsible for each other in little matters like gummy finger puppets then we are more apt to be responsible for each other in larger projects.

Next everyone got a golf ball. A golf ball is a simple object with a lasting image: What is Tiger Woods' favorite golf club? His driver? His irons? His putter? Ask Tiger and he will tell you. They are all his favorite club. Each club has its own purpose, its own responsibility. Similarly each child in the class, each member of the community, the checker at the grocery store, and the waitress at the breakfast diner. Each has a purpose and responsibility and we are all responsible for each other. We are our brother's keeper. We are our sister's keeper. We take care of each other.

We role played. We played "What's My Line?" I even tried to sing a duet with one young lady. She wouldn't do it. Still, the Stillwater Group did all they could to learn, dialogue, and unravel the best understanding of what Responsibility means. Here is a working list of meanings they came up with:

The Stillwater Project:

Responsibility

Do your work
Work as a team
Work together
Patience
Kindness
Include others
Don't leave anyone out
Do your best
Don't be afraid to fail
Take care of others
Try harder

There you have it: The Stillwater Project working results for the character trait of Responsibility. What might you add to the list? How might you put this learning from a group of 12 and 13 year olds into action? What can we learn from them, and how can we prosper from their Responsible contribution to you and me?

Here's the mountain man challenge: Let's let this group take the lead for a while. Hitch into their rope. Let them mount the next run. Let them lead us to the top. And let's you and me enjoy the view of a world made better by them!

I love you. Thanks for letting me climb with you! Jeff on the mountains.

Teamwork

2008-09-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ever sat in the stands at a football game? Ever listened to everyone who knows how to coach better? Quarterback better? Referee better? Pretty sad state of affairs. Critical. Nasty. Cynical. We want our kids to grow up to be sweet and loveable. But there is a great tempation to raise sad and disappointed people who blame others for their disappointments.

Let me tell you a little secret about football, football plays, and the plays the coach calls. Now pay attention because this principle has huge implications for your mariage, family, life, work and work place, the school your child attends, and your Church. Are you ready? Here's how it goes:

No matter how horrible the play the coach calls, it is still a better play when 11 people on the field commit to the same play than when 11 people run their own play. You get it? It just might be a really lousy play. Why are we passing the ball now? Or why are we running it up the middle when it hasn't worked all game? But whatever your complaint and concern, whatever the coach calls is still a better play than when everyone does their own thing.

Does our nation run better if 5 poeple sitting over a beer or cup of coffee tell everyone how terrible the president is? Does your child do better in school when you run your mouth outside the building, telling others how lousy his teacher is? Who prospers when you sit in the stands at a youth sporting event talking bad about the coach, the referee, or the other team? When you tell everyone how bad your church is, or how poor the leadership is, do you find people then joining your church? Huh? Figure that.

And, who walks away from such gripe sessions saying, "Wow! That is sure a bright person who really knows how to see it?" Do we honestly think that people think that the negative, critical and cynical are the insightful ones? What ends up happening is one of two things: 1) You drag everyone else down around you; or 2) People start thinking "What a very sad and disappointed person."

Tony Dungy is the legendary coach of the Indianopolis Colts. He is known for his quiet demeanor and how he treats his players, opponents, and other teams with honor and respect. But it wasn't always that way. In his book, "Quiet Strength" he tells how in one game years ago he yelled and screamed at a referee for a call he didn't agree with. His father called him and asked, "How did your yelling change the outcome?" "It didn't," Coach Dungy acknowledged. "The play stood as it was called." "Then why do it?" His father asked. Henceforth Tony Dungy does not yell and complain about referees. Instead, he puts his energies into molding and shaping his team to overcome adversity -- a stronger team, able to overcome the way the ball bounces, and the calls that may not go your way.

The Bible says, "Two are better than one for in them is a great reward." However great you "think" you are, you are not as great as the collective efforts of the team working together -- marriage, family, work, school, and even Church. No one prospers by your working against them. Everyone prospers by your working with someone, coming along side, pulling together, cheering on.

Here is the mountain man challenge: Quit your complaining. Quit your blaming. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Quit fighting against the team. Quit going against the grain. Take hold of the hem Jesus' garment. Get yourself healed and healthy. If you need some help go talk to someone. Drop me a note. Ask me to pray with you. Ask me to come along side. Hitch into my rope and let's work together to get to the top!

I love you. Jeff on the mountains!

Laughter

2008-09-20T05:12:00.001-07:00

Today we will laugh. Today we will encourage others to laugh. We will smile. Look people in the eye. Think positive, hopeful things. This is not to say that things are not sad. It is not to say that you do not have challenges and difficulties. It is not to say that you have not been hurt. It is to say we are going to do something different today. We are not going to be victims. We are not going to blame others. We are not going to engage all that could have been. We are going to laugh, and we are going to do the things we wish everyone else would do.

Today the world will be a brighter, more hopeful place because of YOU. When you laugh you will light up the room. When you smile you will soothe the sorrow of someone hurting. When you listen you will lessen the load of a hurting person.

Could you join the ranks of those who insist that the world is terrible? Could you join the ranks of those who say that Barrack Obama is the anti-Christ? That John McCain is just another Bush and 4 more years of chaos? That Sarah Palin is a pretty face and out of touch? That Joe Biden is part of the "good ol' boy club?" Could you say all these things? Sure. And others are already saying it. So you don't have to! Say what's important to you. Nothing more. Nothing less. You don't have to talk bad about others to make your point. You can say positive, hopeful things. You can laugh, and you can help someone else laugh, too.

I'm going to a hockey game today. The boys have really been practicing. They skate forwads and backwards. They check. They pass. They score. My guess is that no child wants to do poorly. He may not always do the best he is capable of. But he didn't set out to do poorly. They'll do their best. Perhaps my son will play lots and do well. Maybe he won't. What will be my contribution to the game? What have I been practicing?

I will smile. I will laugh. I won't pout. I won't shout at the referee or the coach. I won't tell the person next to me that the coach doesn't know what he is doing. I won't blame someone if the game doesn't turn out the way I would like. This is a small matter. Perhaps by practicing at a hockey game I can do it better in the real important things in life, too. Maybe if I can do this at a hockey game I can do it with my children's teachers, my pastor at church, the next policeman that stops to give me a ticket, and the future leader of my nation. I can smile. I can laugh. I can make life a little sweeter.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Laugh your way to the top. Be delightful bright. If being positive and hopeful is trite and superficial, it is still 100 times better than being cynical, critical, and "deep thinking." You are the light of the world, Matthew 5:14. You are a brand new creation, 2 Corinthians 5:17. You are a holy, royal, and righteous people, 1 Peter 2:9. And you have made my world 100 times better by being in it! Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for making me smile.

I love you very, very much. Jeff, on the mountains!

Coaches

2008-09-18T07:02:00.000-07:00

Every afternoon I entrust my children to the care and guidance of men filled with enthusiasm, a fair amount of knowledge and experience, and their own personal perspective. A couple of these men are old enough to be their grandfathers. A couple of them are not much older than an "older brother." These are my children's coaches. One child runs cross country. One plays football. The other plays football and hockey.

My boys' coaches have different values. They have different ways about them. They have different backgrounds. They have different approaches to what they do.

My boys are all different, too. They have different abilities, different aptitudes, and different degrees of passion and work ethic. My oldest son is very gifted but sometimes injured. My middle son is very capable and does a good job but is more concerned about his grades (if not also a girlfriend!). My youngest son has the heart of a lion but has a small stature. He is an 80 pound running back and defense man! Pretty fast and fragile, to be honest.

If you growl at my oldest son or tell him you need more he responds very well. He has always been my "soldier." My middle son is quite a thinker. It works well to put your arm him and explain things in an engineering fashion. My youngest son is a lover. He loves playing. He loves being part of the team. He loves his teammates. He will gladly give up his position for another boy if you are nice about it.

I love my children's coaches. That says more about them than me. I love that these men spend two and a half hours with my children every afternoon. I would love my sons to be the star of the team but I am quite o.k. if they are not. All I ask, and what I have been blessed to receive, is that their coaches care about abut my boys. My oldest son's cross country coach often invites him to golf. How cool is that?

In a recent game one of my sons missed a play. His coach pulled him out. At first that made me sad. Then I saw the coach call my son over. He put his arm around him. I saw him explaining what just had happened. The very next play he sent my son out again. That was very cool. This man is 30ish. I am learning from him.

One day my boys will not run cross country, or play football, or play hockey. But they will always remember this time in their life. They will remember their coaches -- these men who sacrifice from their own families to give to my family. Could they do better than what they are doing? They are already doing more than I am doing -- that is the point! They are heroes.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Forget the playing time. Forget the position. Forget the Division 1 scholarship for a moment. Look at the people who are investing 2 and a half hours every day in the life of your child. Honor him. Think well of him. Affirm him. He is a hero in my book. Volunteer to work the chain gang. Join the booster club. Work the concession stand. Write your son's coach a letter or note. Send his children a coupon for MacDonald's or ice cream. Do something to say "thank you."

Help him up the mountain. The view is always better from there! Jeff -- learning to climb enjoying the people on the way!

Babies

2008-09-16T18:48:00.000-07:00

I love babies. I'd have a dozen more if someone would let me. But alas, I am resigned to the three hoodlums entrusted to me and growing beyond my control and beyond my desire. It seems they will no longer be my little "babies" and the treasures I packed home with me some 16, 14, and 12 years ago. Ahhhhh, to hold them again in my arms without getting heaved to the ground in some sort of mixed martial arts combat. "I can kick your butt, Dad!" Indeed. They can kick my butt. Where does the time go -- as well as the more simple moments that came with a pacifier and a teddy bear?

When a baby is a baby it seems we are a more gentle and accepting people. There are not too many expectations placed on babies. We expect that they will soil themselves, and drool, and cry through the night. We expect it, and we accept it. We don't think little of babies for being little. But dammit. If you grow up you better live up, too. We expect it, and we will not accept it if you don't cut it.

When a child is one and learns to walk we applaud him for falling down. Gravity takes its course and we cheer. But did you see him for a moment? Did you see him right before he fell? Why, he might be a great athlete one day! But come 5, or 6, or 7, if he is not running as fast as the other kids, or racking up goals in kindergarten soccer then there is a temptation to be disappointed, isn't there. He needs to try harder.

When a child is two and says his first words we can't help but think he is faster than other children his age. Never mind complete sentences. We put the best construction on everything he says. We listen intently. We fill in the blanks. We gently interpret and correct what he says. "oh, he didn't mean to say that," we defend. But should he get a masters degree, or a doctorate, should he be a preacher, or a lawyer, or someone else who speaks for a living, then listen to the pundits filett your little darling. Do you ever wonder if Barack Obama or John McCain have mothers? I wonder what they think while they undermine each other?

Wouldn't it be great if we never grew up and into the harsh expectations of others? Wouldn't it be great if we could live forever in the sweet tranquility of unconditional mercy? Wouldn't it be great if we could be someone's baby just for a day, held fast and close in someone's arm? Better that than to have someone kick your butt.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Look at people today and envision them someone else's child. Think how much you would accept them if your expectations were not too lofty and high. Oh, this is not to say we do not encourage poeple and help them to do their best. It is to say that if they should fall just a little short, or even a long way short, you treat them no differently than you would a one year old falling on his seat, or a two year old who can't quite talk right. Speak well of people. Be very kind, very generous, very gracious. Forgive people today. Let go of differences. Listen. And always have three questions of interest for someone else. That's a begining anyway. And if we keep at it we may even find ourselves at the top.

Thank you for carrying me today. I love you very much. Jeff

Parenting 101

2008-09-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

When it comes to parenting I am still learning.

I believe we learn parenting best when we help each other. I don't think people respond well to the burden of expectation. I don't think people do their best when you tell them they could have done better. I believe the best way to help people is to pray for them, encourage them, and come along side them. Parenting isn't easy. Don't make it harder for yourself or others.

When it comes to learning my my boys are my best instructors. I am also learning from their coaches, their teachers, and other great parents -- like you! Sometimes watching the way others love my boys reminds me of how I might love my boys. And when someone treats my boys in a way I wish they wouldn't it reminds me not to treat them that way either.

As a parent I have made some real gaffs -- the worst mistakes I have ever made and hope never to make again. This is not just false humility. This is unacceptable and never to be done again. Perhaps you can learn from me. I hope you never make these mistakes yourself, or if you have you can join me in eliminating them from your parent profile:

I have yelled at my kids while they are playing sports -- as if that makes them feel better or even play better; it doesn't. It is wrong. I won't do it again; you don't do it either.
I have made decisions for my children based upon what someone else might think of me or what I should do. Terrible. God alone and my wife have a say in what I do or do not do in relationship to my children. Here is a promise: I will never put a burden on you as to how you raise your children. I will pray for you and your children, encourage you and your children, and help you and your children maintain your values. But you don't have to raise your children the way I reaise mine. O.K?
I have been angry or diappointed during or after a sporting event; I have also been disappointed with their coaches or something beyond their control. This is the worst! Children respond to your attitude and demeanor. If you are happy and pleased they will be, too. If you are not, they will not be. Lighten up. Brighten up. And enjoy the game! And love their coaches no matter what. Your children respond to authority the way you do. Don't teach them something they will regret later!
I once yelled at my older son so loud and fiercely that his younger brother stepped in to defend him. I yelled, "Why are you defending him! He yelled at me first!" To which the younger brother hollered, "Yeah. But you're the Dad!" Lots of yelling. And you know what? He was right. I am the Dad. My boys learn from me. No more yelling.
I have brought my sadness and disappointment with life and work home with me. Unfair. My boys get maybe an hour with me a day, sometimes less. They don't need to know I had a tough day. They need to know that they are the most important people in the world to me. They are worth more to me than the last knucklehead who tried to ruin my day.

Now, to God's glory, my children's credit, and your model, I am learning some things, too. These are simple, everyday things you can learn, tweak, adjust, and personalize for yourself. Make them excellent. Make up your own. I believe we call can change. By God's grace and to His glory we can do better. Here are some parenting moves I think that are working out pretty well for me; maybe they will work out well for you, too.

Except in matters of right and wrong, and matters legal, ethical, and moral, I allow my children a lot of ownership in life decisions -- where they go to school, whether or not they play soccer or hockey, and whether or not they play in the band; don't sweat the little things and don't sacrifice your children to the gods of others' expectations.
Accept your children as they are: They don't need to fulfill your unmet life ambitions. They don't need to be doctors, Ph.d.s, pro athletes and goofy things like that. There are lots of children who are great at many things and yet feel lousy about themselves. Better to be average, accepted, and absolved!
Lighten up. Don't worry about lost fishing poles, fumbled footballs, a "C" on a test, and the like. Spend the day with someone who has lost a child and then try to sort out what you need to worry about.
Live each day like it was the day your child was born. Remember how happy you were. Remember you had no expectations, burdens and worries. Love you kids. Tell them how awesome they are.
Write letters to your children's teachers, coaches and people of influence -- pastors, Sunday School teachers, etc. Say good things. Say affirming things. Never critique or criticize in a letter -- ever. If you cannot say it to someone's face, don't say it at all. And better never to criticize or critique anyway. These are people who spend more time with your children then you do. They need your love, your appreciation and your support. If someone spends two hours with my boys every night after school, he is a hero to me.

Here's the mountain man challenge: Parnter up with someone. How can you help someone else be the best parent they can be? How can you pray for someone, encourage someone, and help them? I think you are doing a great, great job, and I thank YOU for helping me be a better parent today!

I love you very much. And I love my boys even more!! Jeff on the mountains!

Learning for a Living

2008-09-04T07:53:00.000-07:00

From time to time people ask me what I do for a living. It is a fair question and a curiosity for many of us. It is one of the first questions of interest we ask each other: "What do you do." My brothers sell. My father was a factory worker. My mother was a secretary. I learn. Literally. And I love it. Learning is what I do for a living.

This morning I was invited to an area Middle School to meet with a "think tank" known as "Still Water;" catchy name, eh? We were to discuss human dynamics and character development. Its a tall topic for anyone but I was with some real thinkers.

Each of the "Still Water" participants is an accomplished educator in his and her own right. I won't bore you with degrees and citations but believe me when I say that each in this group has been around the block and back. Each has an impressive resume. Each comes from a unique background and perspective.

The topic we were given to master was RESPECT. Respect for self. Respect for others. Respect. I was invited to share my own thoughts and ideas if I wanted, but mostly I was to listen, to learn, and to live!

At one point I playfully said, "If I dropped over right now I would need one of you to put your mouth on mine and breathe life into me! Any volunteers?" There were no takers. I don't blame them, would you? Most 7th graders would not be too excited about giving me mouth to mouth. But then we shifted the life giving procedure to the word Respect. I had each of these 12 and 13 year olds put their mouths around the word Respect to breathe some life into it. Here is what they had to breathe. Here is what they had to say:

Still Water Results for 9/04/08 think tank discussion

Topic: RESPECT

Teamwork
Cooperation
Tolerance
Working together
Treating others as you would want to be treated
Treating people with kindness
Caring for others
Including others -- even if they are different
Showing interest in others -- ask three questions of interest
Look people in the eye
Smile
Listen
Always be willing to share something of interest about yourself
Respect for others begins with respect for yourself

Here's the mountain man challenge: Will you join me? Will you harness up with the Still Water climbers? Will you let these 12 and 13 year olds take the lead on the next steep and narrow spot in the trail? I think we all could learn -- and live! -- just a little lighter and brighter from what each of these "experts" has to teach us about Respect. Hats off to the Still Water group!

I'm loving you! Thanks for the coffee -- and see you at the top! Jeff on the mountains.

Camping Out

2008-08-31T10:22:00.000-07:00

I am joining a few other men and their boys and girls on a little "Father -child" outing. We have some kids from 4 to 14 (and a couple of 16 year olds)...we are going to float, fish, and have some fun. We are going to love each other and spoil each other's children.

We will affirm such things as big fish, little fish, big smiles, little smiles, and even breathing! We are going to celebrate boiling water, roasting hot dogs, and making s'mores. We are going to listen and laugh. We are going to make sure that this littlest one has the most fun thinking the rest will have a pretty good, time, too. I am going to love my boys. I am also going to love other boys and girls just the same! I will pass the mantle -- I will teach others to set up a tent instead of doing it myself; I will let others make the meals instead of having to be in control. I will not sweat the little things -- and they are all little things, aren't they?

Burned eggs? Bring them on. Fish in the fire? Who cares? What I really want to do? I want to learn. I want to learn to be a child, dependent upon others and our Heavenly Father. I wan to learn to be a child for the sake of learning again. I don't have to know it all. I don't have to always be right. I don't have to do it my way.

I will be goine for a couple of days -- but I am still drinking coffee and thinking of you! Drop me a note. Ask how we did. Share what you might like to talk about? Parenting? Marriage? Hope? Happiness? Forgiveness? You name it. Let's talk it.

Well, I'm off...roped, reading, and riding high!

Your friend, Jeff on the mountain!!

300 and Won!

2008-08-30T07:31:00.000-07:00

Did you hear about the bowler who bowled 300 and won? It is kind of a word play. "300" is a perfect bowling score --its the highest game you can get. When you say "300 and won" it sounds like 301 -- which is impossible. But you could hardly bowl 300 and lose, can you? When you bowl 300 then you just bowled "300 and won."

In the few weeks since we have gathered here on "Coffee Time" at http://www.sipstalk.blogspot.com/ we have had over 300 visits. That might be one person logging on 300 times, or 30 people logging on 10 times, or 10 people logging on 30 times, or some other combination of the above. To me, it is 300 reflections; 300 ponderings; 300 late night musings, or 300 early morning risings. To me, it is 300 passing considerations between "us" -- whoever us is beginning to be.

Like a perfect game of 300 in bowling, you can hardly lose when you put 300 thoughts together -- that's 300 and won!

Thank you for visiting. I don't write because I am a good writer. I write because you are a good listener. I like spending time with you. I like hearing what you have to say and think. I like learning. I like being together. Invite others. Let's meet up here -- glass of wine...cup of coffee...something to learn together....

You are awesome, awesome people. Thanks for letting me climb with you. Jeff on the mountains...with one of his "climbing coaches" -- Aaron.

Crossing the Bridge

2008-08-30T06:08:00.000-07:00

I had a professor in college who was afraid of bridges. Yet in Portland, Oregon there are plenty of bridges. A person cannot -- very practically -- resign themselves to staying on one side of the bridge or the other. Sometimes you have to muscle up, throw caution to the wind, and go forward. I imagine this was a daily undertaking for her. Perhaps it got easier over time; perhaps it didn't. But she had to cross the bridge.

From the time we are children we begin learning relationship skills. We are taught to share our marbles and our crayons. We are taught to invite everyone to our birthday parties so no one feels "left out." If we hurt someone's feelings we are taught to go and apologize. I remember getting in a fight at school and my mother marching me over to Steve's house to apologize and shake hands. She made me cross the bridge. I didn't want to. But she made me. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do.

It doesn't take rocket science or another episode of Oprah to figure out that we are all just a little different, does it? We come from different backgrounds, different tastes, and different cultures. Race, economy, education, and religion can play a major factor in all of this. So can good fortune and so can bad fortune. About the second day of marriage I figured out that this "until death do us part" was not an invitation to murder. My wife and I were two different people. This was going to take a little work. A little effort on my part. A little relaxing. A little letting go. A little putting up. A little shutting up. Somedays I do better than others. Most days my wife does better than I do. But we learn. We start again. We cross the bridge. We share our marbles and our crayons. We say we are sorry. We invite each other to our birthday parties.

In addition to marriage are countless other relationships that also benefit from the same childhood courtesies: share; apologize; invite each other to your party.

I don't know at what age exactly we stop teaching our children "good habits" when it comes to relationships. I can't really tell you when words like "share" and "you need to apologize" become lesser values than "stand up for yourself" and "don't take that!" I don't know what age we stop inviting everyone to our birthday parties. I do know at any youth sporting event you go to, or church meeting, or some other such activity you will hear "grown up" folks deciding who would do really well, and who wouldn't. And should someone be invited or included whom we wish had not -- we put on the cold shoulder, the silent sabotage, and the like. We share a little less. We apologize a little less. And often we refuse to cross the bridge.

I remember a meeting where people were really acting like knuckleheads. I was very angry and was glad to leave at the end of the meeting. As I drove home I was fuming. I found myself asking, "How long will I be angry?" My question seemed mechanical and contrived, and yet, would I go home and be angry for my family? Was that fair to them? Was it healthy for them? Was I accomplishing anything by my anger? So I said, "I will be angry until I cross that bridge." There was a bridge 500 feet ahead.

You know what? I stopped the car. I was afraid. What if I couldn't really let go of my anger? What if I didn't want to let go of my anger? But in time I had to ask a second, if not more practical question, "Are you going to spend the night here on the road?" If I was to go home I would have to cross the bridge. If I was to go home I would have to let go of my anger.

I am not saying it is easy. I am not saying it is fun. But sometimes it is what you need to do. You need to step back into people's lives. You need to go back to kindergarten. You need to share. You need to include. You need to remember the last really good sermon, or Bible Study, or Oprah show and somehow put it into practice. This is nothing new. It is the same thing we have always known. I know people who argue all day long about how someone "else" should have said it -- how the preacher got it wrong, or Oprah got it wrong, or whoever else got it wrong. I know people who make themselves sick, or sad, staying angry, and separated, and holding grudges. But is it any more "right" to sit still? To stay "mad?" or "hurt?" or "angry?" and on the side of the road? Need I gently say what we know is true? No, it is not...

Here is a mountain man challenge:

Cross the bridge.
Call someone on the phone.
Apologize. Say "I am sorry."
Ask "Will you forgive me."
Go face to face or over the phone; do not send a letter -- and do NOT send an email or text message for anything other than to say "I love you!"
Say "thank you."
Ask how someone is doing.
Invite someone to lunch or breakfast -- someone you never have before.
Find someone you would not ordinarily "hang out" with and share yourself with them.
Ask to see someone's tongue ring or tattoo.
Show some interest in a child.
Affirm someone.
Send a card to someone.
Find someone you know is "lonely" and invest in their heart and soul.
Step into someone else's life.
Let go of an anger, a hurt, or a grudge. Give yourself a time table. Make it happen. Don't put it off.
Smile at someone today...

And, while you are at it, help someone to the top of the mountain. I love you. I really do. And it means a lot you would spend this moment with me...Jeff

Only

2008-08-27T05:13:00.000-07:00

In the 1970s Clint Eastwood starred in an action thriller titled "The Eiger Sanction." It was a kind of spy vs. spy story set in a mountaineering motif. Clever. In one scene Clint Eastwood and a co-star have scaled a very difficult rock face. Perched atop, Clint Eastwood says, "Boy, a beer would taste pretty good right now." To which his co-star says, "A guy would have to be crazy to pack a beer up here!" "I know" Clint Eastwood says. "That's why I put them [a couple of beers] in your pack!

In backpacking, you only bring what is necessary. No extras. No luxuries. No extra baggage. Every ounce means something. Some of the most extreme climbers will drill holes in their toothbrush to cut unnecessary weight. You only bring what you need.

Good principle. In Ephesians 4:29 St. Paul says, "Say only those things that edify and build up others in their faith." There are a lot of things you can say in life, just as there are a lot of things you can carry in life. But we are learning to bring "only" what is necessary. In speech, as in high mountaineering, it is best to bring only the essentials: Those things that build up and edify.

So if you were scrapping the dead weight today, all things things that are not really necessary, what would you leave behind and at the base of the mountain? A little sarcasm? Something critical? Something combative, insulting, or contentious? Who prospers when you point out someone else's fault? Would someone benefit more by your excellence and even your help? If someone is about to step over the ledge better to haul him back and take him along side then let him slip and point out he's not very good at this sort of thing.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Take only what is necessary. Say only what edifies and builds up.

Leave a love note for one of your children on the mirror or their pillow. Tell them how proud you are of them and something they are working at.

Make a five minute date with your spouse and look him (her0 in the eye and remind him (her) about what you most loved when you first met, and what you love today!

Write a thank you to your children's teachers and coaches and instructors and say "Thank you for investing in children!" They don't have to be the best for you to invest in them!

Thank the people who provide music at your church. thank the Sunday School teachers. Thank your elders and church counsel. tell them you appreciate their involvement in God's Kingdom.

If someone has a tattoo or tongue ring, ask about it! No one gets something new without wanting someone else to notice!

Ask about your waiter or waitresses life. Many are going to college. Some are raising children. For some this is a second job. Many would love to share if you will listen.

Well, time to rope up and hit the trail. Thanks for climbing with me and helping me lighten my load. You help me! And it makes me happy that you have joined me for this cup of coffee today. Look in the mirror and smile: You are the light of the world, Matthew 5:14. You are a brand new creation, 2 Corinthians 5:17. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalm 139:14.

I love you! Anyone bring a beer? Jeff

Running Strong

2008-08-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

My friend "Doc" has shared an incredible story. It is in the comment section in response to yesterday's entry titled "Fitting In." Doc captures a number of dreams of mine and has inspired me to dream more. Please look up Doc's story and see yourself "fitting in" and "running strong." You are amazing people. It is good to be a part of you.

Note to fellow climbers: In high mountain adventure the term "short roping" refers to a an experienced mountaineeer and guide who attaches a weaker climber to his side with a short rope, essentially for the purposes of "carrying" the weaker climber to the top. I am blessed to be on each of your "short ropes." Thanks for the lift.

Jeff...on the mountains.

Fitting In

2008-08-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

Jeff Sargeant plays fullback for the Missouri State University Football Bears. The problem, however, is that the MSU Bears have gone to a spread offense -- which is a wide open passing attack that makes the fullback position all but non-existent. As offensive guard Seth Reichert says, "They took his position away." At 6 foot, 235 pounds, Jeff Sargeant is a prototypical fullback. He is a gifted athlete yet he could have some trouble transitioning to new positions: Too small to play on the line and too short to be a receiver. It would probably be easier on the coach and the team if Jeff went away.

Except for a very important factor: Jeff Sargeant is a valued member of the MSU team. No one wants to get rid of Jeff. And so the coaching staff and the team is looking for ways to utilize Jeff. Regardless of their spread offense, they are developing plays that utilize a fullback, and they are also using him at tight end. Ordinarily a tight end might be 6'3" or taller. But if you really value someone you find ways to help them fit in. Jeff is a valued member of the MSU football bears so you can look forward to seeing him this year.

There is a temptation, isn't there, to write people out of the offense. We would win a lot more games if we could just get rid of so-and-so. We would be more successful is "you-know-who" wasn't around. If you cannot get rid of someone "officially" you can kind of "weed them out" with a little silent sabotage, a little aloofness, and a little coldness. After a while people can get the picture: "Am I mistaken, or has my name and number not been called for a while?" "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

It excites me that the MSU Bears are finding room for Jeff. Even if MSU has changed their offense, they haven't change their opinion of Jeff: They want Jeff to fit in. That's what "team" is all about.

Let's take a page out of the MSU playbook. Here's a mountain man challenge: Rope up with the person on your right; and rope up with the person on your left. Help someone else to the top. Be the coach and find a way to help someone else fit in. Be a member of the team and welcome someone else to the huddle. You can teach your children this. You can teach others this. If you are going out to breakfast with a couple of guys invite someone else to join in. If you are going out for a beer, invite someone you have never invited before. If you are a member of a church, mill around in the foyer and find someone you have never greeted before. Make someone fit in and feel a part of the team.

I am rooting for you, Jeff! I am your biggest fan. And I am rooting for the rest of you, too. See you on the mountain! Jeff

Relief Is On the Way

2008-08-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

I have never been a big baseball fan. But I am intrigued about the whole matter of the relief pitcher. I like it. It excites me. It turns me on.

Think about it: You are a little known entity of the team. You may actually play less than a punter for the Indianapolis Colts. But you relieve the star of the team. He can pitch 8 incredible innings. But more times than not you will be called to the mound to finish up what he has begun. How cool is that?

Now what is really cool is this is your job! People like you for it. They respect you for it. They cheer you for it. They pay you for it. No one ever says "You are not as good as the starter!" No one ever implies that you are less than he is though you may only throw 9 or 10 pitches to his 60 or 70. Your job is to get the job done. Pretty cool.

Your team and your fans see you as a very vital and important member: You relieve. You come in off the bench. A huddle of coaches, the catcher, the star you are relieving, and a host of infielders meet you on the mound. There is almost ritual and pageantry to the passing of the ball: The coach takes the ball from the starter and drops it in your glove. He jogs from the field to an ovation. Then you finish the game. I think that is pretty cool.

Know what else is pretty cool? No one really dogs the starting pitcher for not being able to finish what he has begun. There is a foregone understanding that baseball is a teamsport and the teammates look to each other to do what one person is not able to do. No one bats a 1,000. Not everyone hits a homerun. Few pitchers ever finish a game. No infielder goes a season without an error. People back each other up in baseball.

What would that look like in our everyday lives? What would it look like if we were daily backing each other up? What would it look like if we were all coming in relief of the person who goes before us. Can you see yourself not thinking your reliever is less than you are --and not thinking your starter is unable to get the job done?

You are part of a magical, miraculous team -- a husband and a wife; a mother and a father; parents and children; a family; friends together; a church congregation; two associate pastors; teachers on the same staff; a medical team; a team of electricians wiring a house. The Bible says, "God is making everything new." You are new! It also says, "Two are better than one." Your best work together is always better than anyone's work alone.

Here is a mountain man challenge: Relieve someone today. Pick up the ball. Cheer the person before you. Cheer the person after you. Say something good. Say something deep. say something healthy. Try not to be trite or superficial; try to be very significant. But honestly? Better to be tritue and superficial than to join the ranks of people who are sincerely cold, aloof, distant and critical...don't you think?

You are a superstar and I love partnering with you. I love the truth that when we put our coffee down you are out there putting others at ease and in a very good place. You shine light where there is none. You make a difference. You help someone to the top of a mountain.

I love you. Time to rope up and hit the trail! Jeff

Missing Persons

2008-08-19T19:05:00.001-07:00

What if you woke up one morning and found yourself in your greatest nightmare: your child is missing. You search frantically. You scream. You sob. You beg. You bargain. There is no trace. There is not clue. You have no place to begin. Your daughter's face appears on a billboard; your son's face is on a milk cartain. All you want is for his, for her face, to be back home.

Your child doesn't have to turn up missing to be gone from your life. Many children shrink from our lives for want of positive strokes, for some unconditional love, and for some affirmation. In our want to provide "better lives" for our children, sometimes we might be ruining their opportunity to search, to learn, and to try and fit in?

We learn "You are saved by grace, through faith, this is not of yourselves it is the free gift of God so that no one can boast." The thief on the cross got a free ticket to paradise. The woman caught in adultery got passed by the angel of death and an angry mob pelting stones. 1 Corinthians 13 says, "Love is patient and kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it keeps no record of wrongs." There is a temptation, however, to add to all of this: "But you, my dear, need to work harder; you need to try harder; you are not doing enough." What if you went to church 3 times a week, knew David and Goliath forward and backwards, but never really heard you are forgiven; I love you; I accept you? All you ever really heard is how bad you were? Or how bad the world was? Would you want to come back? Or would you turn up missing -- and then to hear that you are the one who went astray?

Do you think there are children who grow up almost the best at everything but feeling the worst about everything? To say "I love you" and "I accept you" does not mean much if those same words are followed by disappointment over unmet expectation: You did not live up.

Let me share something with you gently. Let's come along side of each other and help each other. I like to say "If you want someone to know Jesus, talk about Jesus." In the same way, if you want a child to know good things about themselves, tell them! Let it fly! Tell them you love them, how proud you are, how much you think about them. Ask a child about their day? Ask about their interests. If someone has a tonuge ring, ask to see it! Why not? Ask about a tattoo. I promise you, an average child who knows he is loved and treasured will be a happier child then the one who is tops in everything but afraid of failing for fear of disappointing you.

Dont' get me wrong. I think it is awesome for a child to get good grades and to work hard and to do their best. I just don't think its the worst if they are not. I think children want to fit in. I think children wanted to be treasured and loved. I think children want to be forgiven when they fail. I think they will test the boundaries once in a while -- and see if you still love them. And to see if you would really, really miss them if they were gone.

You know what? I love you. Hokey, eh? But I really do. I love you. I miss you. I like you. And I miss you when you are gone...See you on the mountain.

A Passionate Plea

2008-08-16T07:38:00.000-07:00

I received the following letter this week from a young lady. I am ommitting only identifying features and changing the name she gave to "Susan." It got my attention and has caused me some wondering and pondering. I wonder what you think? I wonder what you would say? Please take your time in reading this, and only read it if you are open to listen and to be considerate of her plea. Thank you.

Who am I?

My name is "Susan" and I am a resident of [a place nearby]. I have a well-seasoned religious background. My maternal grandpa is a Baptist preacher who traveled all around the lower Midwest for decades preaching the gospel, hellfire and brimstone, the cross, and the word, which we Christians know to be different messages in and of themselves.

My paternal grandfather was head pastor of a Pentecostal Assembly of God church which -- for most of the formative years of my childhood -- I attended a minimum of three times a week. I also graduated from a private Baptist university, where I received more of an education on the historical and political aspects of our religion.

The problem? I feel, most of the time, like an bother when it comes to my religion. Yes, I am firmly rooted in the traditions of my church. My diet growing up was plentiful with southern gospel music, church camp, and the monikers of brother so-and-so and sister-what’s-her-name. I tend to try to lean towards the good in my actions, generally not just because it’s the right thing to do, but also because – dammit -- I just can’t shake the feeling that Jesus is watching me. And in that – dammit – is the problem.

I am not what some would consider to being a good Christian. By this, I mean a few things. First, I am extremely liberal. I’ll explain this more in a moment. Second, I cuss like a sailor and I am okay with that. Finally, I have this habit of questioning everything men in authority try to convince me I need to believe. I play the devil’s advocate intentionally and purposefully. To me, ignorance is not bliss. The problem simply stated is that I feel like I am the only Christian in the world who is okay with being this way.

The Cause? So why should this be a problem, progressive Christians will ask. There is plenty of room in our church for people of all kinds! Well, the cause of the problem I am feeling is simply the notion that seems to prevail that my actions and beliefs are sinful and thus must be corrected. Even if you are not all about changing me overnight, I still understand from my upbringing that someone in your church will be trying to chip away at me and make me conform. When I come to church on Sunday and tell you that my husband is Agnostic, you will strategize a way to convert him. When I defend pro-choice citizens, you puff up like a marshmallow peep in a microwave and either spend the next 10 minutes railing on me or you walk away, having made a decision that we can’t be friends. When I use that word (you know, the 4 letter one) during dinner, you look at me like I have stabbed you in the shoulder. Your reaction to me is the cause of my problem.

The Question? The question I pose in this letter is simple. Is there a church out there that will really, truly accept me? Just as I am? Without making any attempt to change me? Is there a church that will embrace me as me, that will not ostracize me or isolate me, that will not take efforts to make me feel sub-standard because I support gay marriage? If I disagree with what the Pastor has instructed us to do, will I be given a forum to express my beliefs? Or will you do what all those churches do and simply expect me to be a sheep and follow blindly what another sinner has recommended for my life? Does such a church exist? I would really love to find one.

The Solution? I have spent the last three years praying every night that God would send me my church. The one that is the right fit. The one that doesn’t mind me being very political and having mostly anti-conservative values. Because even though I disagree with you, I don’t want to change you. All I ask is for the same in return. I wonder if I am being so unreasonable in wondering if this church exists. I wonder if there are other people out there who are just like me? Who have come to question the judgmental ethic of the church but miss the camaraderie and tradition. I am tired of waiting for this church to find me, and this is why I have written this letter. I am trying to be proactive in finding my home.

If your church has a place for me and others like me, please step up.

"Susan"

Cheering for Champions

2008-08-14T16:01:00.000-07:00

Michael Phelps is a champion swimmer. Even if you don't follow the Olympics you probably know that he is the most decorated Olympian of all time. He has won more medals than any other Olympian; ever. At his present pace he will win 8 gold medals in thiese Olympics alone, surpassing Mark Spitz' 7 gold medals in 1972. Pretty cool. I like champions. I like to cheer for champions. I've never really followed swimming before. But I do like champions.

As Michael Phelps continues to win I suspect more and more poeple will begin following his Olympic reign. We all like winners. Even if we are not big swimming fans we do like champions -- of all kinds.

But what if it wasn't Michael Phelps and it wasn't swimming. What if it was people in your every day life? How excited do you get when your children walk through the room and how much do you cheer? How excited do you get when your spouse cleans the house or makes the dinner or fixes something that is broken, and how much do you cheer? Do you cheer and high five when the waitress smiles at you, or the checker at the grocery store asks about your day? What about your child's football coach, or your child's teacher, or the pastor at your church? What if these others in your life are average at best but every single day devout themselves and their passions to someone you love?

I love it when people swim real fast, and hit a golf ball real straight, and can hit a slap shot really hard. I love it when people are really smart, and can make lots of money, and can do really cool things. But what about the people I see everyday? What about the people who daily invest in me, and my children, and the people I love? Are they champions, too?

I love watching Michael Phelps win. But do you know what I love even more? I love watching Micheal Phelps cheer for others. Michael Phelps is the greatest Olympic champion of all time. Yet Michael Phelps cheers for other people, too. He cheers for people not as good as he is; he cheers for people not as accomplished as he is. Michael Phelps is a champion in my book. Because Michael Phelps cheers for others.

Here's a mountain man challenge: For every medal that Michael Phelps wins, I want you to cheer for 10 other people. Pick them at random. Pick them for their humility; for their every day heroics; for the unrecognized but kind things they do -- for smiling; for listening; for loving; for spending time. Cheer for

your Sunday School Teacher
the people who play the organ or piano or guitar at your church
the busboy at a restaurant
your children's teachers and coaches
the second and third string quarterback, or lineman, or something on your child's football team
the shy girl who plays the flute in the band
your neighbor -- especially if you have never even said hello
cheerleaders
those who are not cheerleaders
somone
anyone

I love you very much. Today I am cheering for you. You are a champion to me!

Jeff on the Mountains!

Children Know What You Show Them

2008-08-12T04:44:00.000-07:00

Children know what you show them. My dad showed me how to change a tire when I was fifteen. Pretty cool -- and pretty practical, too. Now, whenever I need to change a tire I know how to do it! My dad showed me. I know what he showed. My dad also showed me a great appreciation for the outdoors -- thanks, Dad! A great appreciation for people of other cultures -- thanks, Dad! And he showed me that he loved me and was proud of me. What a guy! I feel a little bit better about myself because my dad showed me that he felt pretty good about me.

Children know what we show them. If you want a child to know how to play soccer, show them. If you want them to know how to ice skate, show them. And if you want them to know how to do gymnastics, show them. It is as simple as that. When a child is born he and she is pretty much a blank slate. They don't know much of anything. What you put in their heart and mind by your actions, attitude, and the words you say they come to know. I would never have known how to change a tire on a car unless my dad, or some other adult investing in me, showed me.

When you you show a child a bright, positive, affirming, and encouraging disposition, then they come to know taht God is gracious and good and that someone cares about them. They cme to know how to be bright, and hopeful, and positive. They come to know how to love their church, their school and their teachers. They come to know how to trust others and to not be too selfish or too easily disappointed. But when show children a critical, disappointed, and negative disposition, then they come to know how to be selfish, self-interested, and to conclude that somehow God and others have let them down. Children know what you show them. I want children to love their school, their coaches, and their churches. So I try to show them a heart and attitude that says they have a great school, great teachers and coaches, and a great church. Children know what you show them.

Join me today, will you? Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's put on the happy face. Let's invest in the life of a child. Let's find one child or young person who will prosper and benefit from being in YOUR company. Forget all the other sad sacks! YOU make a difference. My dad showed me how to change a flat tire. How about you showing a child how to change a flat disposition into one that is filled with life and breath!

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." He also says, "Anyone who causes the least of these to stumble would be better off with a millstone tied around his neck and tossed into the sea." Far be it from me! Let's continue to partner in creating an environment and world and community where children are safe and well received, and where we partner in assisting them along a safe and healthy highway...No deep sea diving for us!

I love you! Children know what you show!!

Jeff on the mountains

Saving Par

2008-08-07T18:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not a great golfer. But I like it. I like being out on the course. I like a wide open course that follows the natural terrain, and I also like a well groomed course. I especially appreciate the natural camaraderie and jocularity that seems to surface whenever a foursome of blokes get together.

Last week I went out with some men I know, all of them my senior by ten years or more. They were all much better than I and seemed to delight in helping me with my game. Gently they would adjust my alignment, remind me to swing easy, and celebrate the shots that were better than others. I muscled my way through the front nine and managed a fair score but after the turn I fell apart. I just couldn't find the fairway or the green. Hole after hole I crumbled. I kept my cool, but they could tell I was frustrated. They reminded me that it was just a game and it was great to be out together.

Finally, on the thirteenth hole, I somehow mustered a drive right down the middle. Then my approach shot landed just short of the green. I was 15 or 20 feet from the pin, relatively straight and slightly uphill. I stepped up with a wedge and set up to chip the ball up by the cup. "You know, you have been struggling with your chipping," one of the men said. "Why not try putting?" I was in the first cut off the green and it was a smooth approach. "Why not?" I thought. I took a firm but even stroke...and the ball dropped right in the cup. Birdie!

You would have thought I was Tiger Woods and had just won the U.S. Open! The guys couldn't have been happier for me. Everyone was high fiving and cheering. For all my bad strokes, shots in the sand, and out of bounds, I had succeeded in this small way -- and they were here to celebrate it.

I wonder what it would look like if every day was like a round of golf with your buddies. What if instead of waiting for people to fail we were looking for the smallest successes and victories? No matter how poorly someone performed in other areas of life we were all standing by to cheer the little things. What if someone was having trouble? Could you see yourself offering a gentle suggestion or alternative? When someone is really struggling, can you see yourself talking them down off the ledge? What if someone is off the mark or out of bounds? Can you see yourself offering kind encouragements and reminding them that everyone has a bad day? We don't have to pile on, do we? And don't you suppose that people would come much closer to saving par than when we point out their failings and add to their anxiety?

Here's a mountain man challenge: Let's go out of our way to make someone's day today. Let's start a rebellion: No more smack talk. No more whining. No more icky, negative stuff. Go out of your way to encourage a waiter or waitress; say something nice to the checker at the grocery store; encourage the policeman that stops to give you a ticket. Thank your children's teacher or coach. Be nice to someone. Call or write to someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Forgive someone even if they don't deserve it. Let go of a grudge -- and don't make up reasons why you can't. Do you go to church? Thank your pastor and the person who teaches Sunday School. Tell the choir director and the music people how well they do. And find a child to affirm and encourage -- you just can't say enough good things about children. You just can't overdo it. Whatever you do and wherever you go find a child and build them up. Be a child champion. Be a child builder. Now that would be a hole in one!

See you on the links!

Child Friendly

2008-08-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

Aren't you sick of youth sports? Day in and day out? Why do we surrender ourselves to year round schedules and practices? And for what? For a scholarship that only 1 in 200 will ever achieve? Or do you suppose youth sports is one of the few forums in society where adults will invest hours and hours of time in children who are not their own? Coaches, soccer moms, booster club members and on and on. Each one effectively, or even ineffectively, saying, "You are important."

Personally, I like sports, but I think its all a bit much. But I do like the idea that countless parents will line up to say, "I will help. I will get involved. I will cheer. I will affirm." We can hardly fault children, or even their parents, if sports are one of the only forums where children are affirmed and encouraged.

But maybe you object? Good for you! Tell me I am wrong. Tell me you are a child champion. And tell me your church, school, and neighborhood is Child Friendly. Tell me that YOU are Child Friendly. Where do you affirm children? Where do you go out of your way to say

"This is a child friendly place?"
"This is a child zone!"
"We affirm children here."
"We invest in children here."
"We spend time, effort, and money on children here!"

Here's the mountain man challenge: Every child is your child. You see a child, he belongs to you. Do you go to Church? What was the last sermon about? The last Bible Study? The last devotion? Some goofy notion that we are going to save the world? Go to Africa or Brazil? Start a prison ministry? Work at a homeless shelter? Forget it. At least for now. Instead: Make every child in your Sunday School, or church, or school, or neighborhood YOUR focus of affirmation and encouragment. Forget what others are doing or not doing. Forget your pastor. Forget the youth director and the Sunday School. Forget the church day school. You make the difference. You do something. You make a child the center of your life and affirmation.

Or sign the kids up for another 12 month season of soccer ....

Coffee Time

2008-08-06T13:13:00.000-07:00

I've spent $200 or more on a backpack or tent and felt I got a pretty good deal, but if I spend more than a dollar on a cup of coffee I feel like I got fleeced a bit. I like coffee, the blacker the better and don't put anything in it but your smile. To me, a cup of coffee boiling over an open fire with grounds floating in it says something. I don't know what it says but it says something. It says you are alive. It says you have good things in your life. It says you got people to love and people loving you. A cup of coffee reminds me of times out to sea in Alaska, or out in the woods with my Dad, or out on the back deck with one of my dearest loves. A cup of coffee suggests that things could be worse than sitting here with thoughts of good things and good people and a Great God who loves us all. So let's cozy up once in a while. Put me on your desk top or in your file of favorites, grab yourself a cup of coffee, and let's ponder a thought or two -- something hopeful or positive, something joyful or encouraging, something about your dearest love, or past time, or dream. Today its you: Coffee in hand and time to burn. I am thinking of you! You are awesome. You are a blessing. You light up my life. Philippians 4:8, "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things."